So I(15F)am in this group, it’s a religious thing but we mostly just do whatever, yesterday we went to a restraunt and there was this one girl I talked to for most of the time and I think it went pretty wll(although I didn’t really make eye contact which I’m hoping she didn’t notice) we talked about random things and I don’t think she secretly hates me that much!

21 comments

  5. Keep getting out of your comfort zone and working to improve yourself. You will transform your social life by exposing yourself to these situations.

    Keep it up!

  10. Hell yeah, congrats OP! Sounds like y’all had an easy time talking to each other, which hopefully means you’ve made a new friend. Great job!

  13. Good job! And pro tip, if making eye contact is too difficult try looking at the person’s nose instead. It’s less intimidating, and close enough that the other person will think you’re looking in their eyes.

  16. So proud of you! I’ve said this in posts before on all kinds of forums – if you don’t know what to talk about, look up stuff online to ask and talk about. If you know someone’s hobby, look up stuff about it. Look up tips on being more comfortable and confident. Sometimes just preparing makes me feel better. I’m extroverted and sometimes can’t think of one thing to say. Lol so, even at 39, I look up stuff online before going to social events.

  17. >I didn’t really make eye contact which I’m hoping she didn’t notice

    Would *you* not notice if she refused to look at you? So why wouldn’t she notice? My feeling is that you *want* to remain unseen because you’re very self-conscious and you’re worried that people will draw negative conclusions about you if they really look at you. Well, I have good news for you!

    1. Most of the time, people are not scrutinizing you the way you scrutinize yourself. Why?
    2. Because most people, especially people in their early high-school years, like you, are also *extremely* self-conscious, so they’re too busy thinking about the many ways they’re being judged to notice much about anybody else.

    So here’s what you need to do: make eye contact (self-conscious people do notice that, since it means somebody is paying attention to them), and try to remember that the person you’re speaking to is very likely *at least* as self-conscious as you are. Then try to make them feel as comfortable as possible. You will come off as a very confident and self-assured person because this is what people like that do. And the more you do it, the more naturally it will come to you.

    Good luck!

  20. Hey kiddo, no one hates you! Trust me you are loved and cherished. Challenge yourself to hold eye contact and talk to people. It’s a skill 🙂

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