I’m in my early twenties and I’ve only started dating for two months. I’m now falling for a guy who said he wasn’t ready for a relationship after sleeping with me for the first time (he was my first). He also stated that he wanted to see me exclusively, has introduced me to his friends and parents, and we basically talk everyday now. He has been fairly honest about his intentions, but I’m stupidly clinging onto the fact that he claims to want exclusivity and that he treats me as though we were in a relationship.
I’ve kept seeing him ever since, but I have come to the realization that what I truly want out of dating is a relationship.
Last time we saw each other, he noticed that I was acting off and was worried I didn’t like him. I expressed that I was simply perplexed about his intentions, and he repeated that he was seriously interested in me, before becoming more affectionate than usual. However, he did not express any change of mind on his unwillingness to be in a relationship, and it is only natural that he assumes that I’m okay with it as I haven’t communicated my true point of view at all.
Stopping things right there is the right thing for me to do, but I can’t help but want to keep talking to him. It’s like I lack the emotional maturity to stand my ground and to express what I truly want. I’m basically keeping in touch with him by fear of losing him and in a naive hope it’ll become serious, all the while knowing he doesn’t want a relationship.
How can I overcome my emotions and stop dating him, instead of maintaining myself in this situation?
Should I give him my reasons (the fact that I actually have feelings for him and would have wanted a relationship)?
4 comments
You’re not being honest with him and dating him from a place of fear instead of enjoyment. You need to talk to him and express that if you continue to see each over than over the next month or two you need to see things progress into a relationship or you’ll have to move on because the two of you want different things. Exclusivity doesn’t mean a relationship, it means neither of you will see anyone else while seeing each other. He deserves to know what you truly are looking for, and you deserve to know if he can match what you’re looking for
Good luck. I’ve been there before on both sides and sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t.
If he said he isn’t ready, he isn’t lying. Speaking from experience of doing this a lot in my early 20s, if you keep seeing him you will get hurt. It is very rare that a FWB situation will turn into an actual relationship. You should rip the bandaid off earlier rather than later and move on to meet someone who actually wants to be in a relationship. You’re not going to change this guy. You’re welcome to tell him about your feelings but be honest with yourself and stop seeing him if he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. Cut all contact until you heal otherwise you might keep going back to him.
swallow that pill and make the jump. I know it’s hard!!! But betting on yourself and your gut feeling is that best thing you can do for yourself, and you’ll feel so proud of yourself vs staying and betraying your needs. You can tell him I have serious feelings and what a actual relationship and if he doesn’t budge then.. walk away.. he’ll be upset but he’ll respect it