I mean in a romantic way. It’s obvious that our family and friends love us as we are, and we love ourselves unconditionally, too. But when it comes to dating, things get complicated.

16 comments

  1. I think all humans are innately worthy of love, joy, happiness. These are not defined by good / bad choices, social status or material possessions. You have to believe you are worthy of love and love yourself before you can love another.

  2. For myself, I don’t think that “worthy of love” is a valid metric. No one is entitled to romantic love, but that doesn’t mean anyone isn’t worthy of it. I don’t worry about whether I’m “worthy of love.” I concern myself with being myself, being a loving partner, and maintaining a strong ethical framework around my partnership. To me, romantic love is a shared experience with each other, it isn’t an accomplishment earned by worth.

  3. Everyone is worthy of love, you just have to find the right person. Not everybody we care about will care about us the same way, but that doesn’t make any of us unlovable. It just means it wasn’t the right match, and that’s okay.

  5. I figured out who I was, what I wanted, the type of man I was looking for, the type of relationship I was looking for and what I brought to the table in a relationship-all of those things made me feel “worthy” to find love. I also understood that truly there’s a butt for every seat and when I felt ready, I had confidence I’d find my person.

  7. I’m alive and I think that’s the only thing any of us need to be worthy of love.

  8. I believe that everyone is worthy of love in someway im not worthy of it at all.

  9. I exist. The universe has been around for billions of years in all its complexity and infinite chance, I landed on earth where people can love and be loved. That’s way more than enough justification for me. “Cause the universe says so, I’m here. Now, love me or leave me alone.”

    I apply this to all of my relationships. If I want a specific type of loving relationship (i.e. romance), I know Im capable of giving it and having it, there are people who could give it to me the way I want it, or try their damnedest to, just because of whatever reasons make it worthwhile to them.

    Knowing that, the question becomes why wouldn’t I be worthy? Says who? Why? And It doesn’t matter anyway cause I’ve decided my very existence and the fact that we can love is proof that I am worthy of it.

  10. I don’t believe that I do. I’m so used to being alone by now, that I think I’d be terrible in a relationship. Also, I don’t feel like I have much to offer. I’m overweight, unemployed, and mentally ill and I rarely get out of the house.
    And even when I was slimmer, happier and had a social life, I got absolutely zero romantic attention.
    The only people I have dated weren’t really interested in me at all, and kept me a secret. That must say something.

  13. I believe that everyone is worthy of love and it would be really arrogant to think that I’m the only one who isn’t. I’m not that damn special.

  14. When push comes to shove, I’m there for you. I’ll laugh with you. I’ll cry with you. I’ll die with you. I’ll tell you how it is but be your biggest fan. My love is strong. My heart is fragile but I give it wholeheartedly.

  15. I dont like to measure by using the word worthy, but rather if someone comes along, I feel incredibly blessed. I am generally very hard on myself but I know there must be good in me if someone I love so dearly even sees me a fraction how I see them.

  16. I’m going to be honest. As someone with a good support system and generally high self confidence, this was rocky for me. My love life up until a few months ago was full of false starts and a lot of dead space inbetween. Even though I’ve been happy and fulfilled on my own and was starting to imagine that’s just how I’ll always live my life, there was absolutely an unresolved hurt beneath it all that I was missing out on something wondrous. I also felt like I had never been “claimed” by anyone, since everyone I’ve ever actually had feelings for was unavailable (even though I’ve also dated guys who were more into me than I was them and have had to be the one to break it off, too).

    There were a few things that really changed everything, all in the last year. First, I discovered I’m asexual and always have been. I’m simply not attracted to 99% of people, and when I am, it makes it so much harder to deal with the fact that they might already be in a relationship or just not be great people. To be honest, I dodged a lot of bullets and can’t say I regret any of the relationships I didn’t get into, even if I wanted them at the time. And realizing my lack of sexuality actually made a lot of shame around myself as a sexual being drop away?? It also boosted my confidence through the roof. I like sex. I just don’t want to have it with the vast majority of people. And I can think someone is attractive without being attracted to them. There was just a lot of baggage I didn’t even realize I was carrying around the fact that I always felt different than how I was supposed to, and all that fell away to set me up for greater success next time I found that attraction.

    Second, I met a guy who I really clicked with. We quickly became best friends. And I developed a crush on him. I told him and he rejected me. This was fine, since it made me immediately get over it and only see him as a buddy. But then we somehow got too comfortable and slipped into this weird, quasi-romantic space. He was spending several nights at my house, in my bed, cuddled up against me. Even though we were truly platonic, he was also making grand plans and gestures that, imo, were crossing into “more than friends” territory. And because we have open communication and I knew he wasn’t trying to use me, I brought up my concerns. Gave him an ultimatum. Either we could be purely platonic and thus establish boundaries, or we could try a romantic relationship and keep on like we already were. I was finally interested in dating again and willing to hold that space for him, since he was such a dear friend, but also absolutely ready to keep myself and future potential relationships safe by nipping this behavior in the bud. How do you explain to a guy from a dating app that, oh yeah, by the way, my male bestie cuddles up to me in my bed most nights and wants to give me candlelit massages? Long story short, he “rejected” me again. I was resolute about boundaries but also confronted those buried emotions around never being claimed/chosen. It was a rough day or so as I honestly just grieved and raged against the universe. Not so much about my friend, but all the men before him who he symbolized in that moment. I even had a fire in my backyard and burned a bunch of old shit that seemed like it held onto negative energies. And I caught myself repeating: Never again. Never again. I was never going to let myself get swept up and hurt the way I had in the past, by guys who ultimately didn’t want me.

    And you wanna know what’s SO weird? My friend called me a day or two after that. He said he loved me and wanted a relationship– just as I was completely over it and talking to some promising new guys on the apps. He explained that he just couldn’t imagine not doing romantic things for me. That he truly WANTED to do those things for me, beyond just friendship. And that while he was afraid of getting into a relationship, he wanted to try. With me. For me.

    So I dunno if I pulled some magic or something, but it worked. And I say all of this because it was such an emotional rollercoaster and brought up so much old trauma and repressed garbage and then became so cathartic for me. First on my own, releasing all of that and vowing to protect myself, and then because he is actually a very good and sweet person who just needed some time to take his own scary leap. We’ve been dating for 3 months now. Started slow, transitioning from friends to lovers, but now we’re obsessed with each other. He’s such a great partner and my first actual relationship, and I could see us getting married someday, tbh. That’s not something I’ve ever really imagined realistically before.

    And I learned that yes, you can be absolutely happy on your own. Even if this does not work out, I am so glad I got to experience love like this at last. But. There really are some hurts that you need outside help to heal. And because of the fact that I have been loved like this now and have been chosen by someone who makes me feel so secure, all that internalized rejection and feelings of unworthiness or wrongness are gone. You can’t always do everything on your own, unfortunately. Sometimes you have to wait 29 years (or more) to meet someone who can give you whatever it is that you’ve needed from others all along.

    Anyway. TL;DR I sussed out my weird sexuality and fell in love with my best friend after doing (maybe??) a ritual over a fire in my backyard and stuff has been going swimmingly since.

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