advice please, throwaway for privacy
i (f20) have been casually dating/fwb with a guy (m22), i’ll call him T, for about 2 years on and off. we’re good friends. he has known my roommate (f21), i’ll call her S, since high school, but they weren’t close. they just went to the same parties, etc. S recently heard that T and i are hooking up, we didn’t know he was a mutual friend or really any of each others history with him before a few days ago.
when she heard that we were talking, S texted me to tell me not to talk to T because she says he drugged her friend in high school and she was worried for me. initially i believed her and i was very disgusted by him. he has been pushy with me in the past (not to any big degree but enough to have made me a little uncomfortable at times) so it didn’t surprise me much, but again i’ve known him for a long time and i care about him, i felt like i needed to ask him what happened.
T was confused and angry when i asked him and ended up sending me pictures/videos from the night S told me about proving who he was with the night it happened, what they were drinking, etc. he also called all of his friends who were at that party and everyone has said they remember the girl going to the hospital, but that they know he didn’t do it and they can’t imagine why she would blame him.
i asked S how they knew it was T who did it and she said because he was the last person to give the girl a drink. he said yes he was giving people drinks but everyone including him was drinking straight out of the same handle, there were videos of him passing it around and drinking it. he also said the girl who was drugged recently made a trip from their hometown to our college town to see him and hang out, years after she’s saying he drugged him. S has also hung out with him/hooked up with him since that party (before i knew him) which i can’t understand why she would do that if she really thought he did drug her friend.
(also for clarity nobody is saying he assaulted her/touched her after the drugging, she went straight to the hospital and he went home)
T ended up texting S directly to apologize and ask what happened at the party. she basically told him it was a long time ago and to just drop it but it’s fine, so the drama has calmed down.
i feel uneasy though. after talking to both of them extensively, and other people who were at the party, i really don’t think it was him who drugged the girl. i think he’s telling the truth. i feel like a terrible roommate and a terrible girls girl though for not taking my roommates word for it. i’m worried she’s mad at me for that and for talking to him about what she told me. i’ve also been assaulted/had trauma in that area so i do not take it lightly. if i thought there was any chance he was the one who did it i would block him but i really don’t think it was him. i’m worried he’s not going to be allowed in my apartment, im worried i handled that really wrong, and i’m worried i’m being naive and maybe he really did do it. not sure where to go from here. help 😀 thanks
tldr: my fwb is being accused of drugging someone 3-4 years ago, but after talking to both him and a friend of the victim A LOT, i really don’t think he did it. am i being naive?