I find myself especially after 35 completely disinterested in so-called ‘socialising’, people just drain my energy and find it hard to find someone compatible in ideas.
Also the whole official thing where you need to be too polite and careful what to say bores the hell out of me.
Wonder how others are feeling it.
36 comments
I don’t drink and prefer to stay home and watch a movie or TV, plus I don’t have anyone to go with, like if I had a partner I’d go out more.
I’m kind of paranoid and I don’t feel safe really in public.
I go out. With people I know.
I dont go out to get to know new people.
I’m a party pooper. I enjoy my routine, dislike concerts, clubs, and movie theaters; I have a difficult time forcing myself to enjoy activities that I’m not invested in.
My current level of socializing is my bjj class and a semi-weekly board game session with a small group of friends. Other than that, it’s just my wife and I doing things together.
Most people are boring.
And now a days, you run into the potential of indirectly offending people with your views, so you gotta tone things down or be extra mindful, despite never having bad intentions.
Overall shy, anxiety and very low self esteem.
I spend 5 days and 40+ hours a week doing stuff I don’t want to do, in a place I don’t want to be, around people I don’t really have anything in common with but interact with out of courtesy. It’s not that I don’t like them. It’s just the venn diagram of our interests has very minimal, if any overlap.
After working all week and doing adulting shit like cleaning and grocery shopping I prefer to take time to do stuff *I* want to do and things that *I* like. Most of those things are solitary and esoteric. It’s not like I can just go to a bar and find people who want to talk about history or different miniature painting techniques.
Most of my friends are in relationships and like to do couple stuff with other couples. Meeting new people post school feels impossible.
I just find that when I socialize I get back much less than I put in. I make sure to only talk about things other people are interested in. I’m usually the funniest one in the room. I cut the bullshit and turn small talk into real talk. Others just seem to want to exist in a social setting, talk about the most boring surface level crap, and don’t really care about what anyone else is saying (Because most other people are just as boring as they are). I’m giving 100% while they’re giving maybe 30%. Sure I bet it’s not nearly as draining for them as it is for me but at the same time they’re driving off the cool people with their boring ass. They want to play the social game but refuse to git gud, they just want to blabber on about their mundane lives and hopefully be entertained by someone much more interesting than they are.
More interesting things happen to me alone in my bedroom than they do talking to one of these energy vampires.
Because it’s hard for me to deal with a new place and feel comfortable, and the only three places near me where I can just sit outside with a cigar are either too old, too young, or too frequently have wildly ignorant political/religious discussions in too small of a space.
I never liked the club scene or hanging out with big groups of people. I do better in small settings with just one other person or maybe two or three others TOPS. But even that’s kind of exhausting.
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Trying to drive around on the weekends is a nightmare unless you get out early. I don’t even live in an area as bad as California either. So many idiots on road not paying attention it really gets my blood boiling. I already drive a lot during the week for my job so heading out on a weekend is the last thing I want to do. This is going to sound like an elitist thing, but I hate being around stupid people. When you go out just the lack of awareness people have of their surroundings triggers me so much.
Other than errands like grocery’s, hardware store, and clothing stores I really don’t have much of a need to get out. Built my own home gym and occasionally head out to bike path/hiking trail. When you have your own house it does keep you rather busy and my profession is rather demanding.
I’d like to get out more I’ve always been the loner type; old habits die hard. I do like socializing with people from time to time. I’ve always been slow to warm up so its hard to talk to strangers (slowly been working on this). Once I get to know you we are best buddies though. Guess I’m just worried I’ll say something offensive to them. The way I carry myself probably turns people off too I have a bunch of walls up; so I’m not the most approachable person either. If I lived closer to the city I believe I would get out more and if I didn’t have a house to maintain. This is probably me just making excuses for myself like I always do.
Another factor is everyone seems to be so busy in todays world and with everything being so expensive we tend to cut out unneeded things. Then the amount of unhinged and not mentally stable people around now is crazy. Say the wrong thing to someone it could be your last day on Earth.
I honestly can get by in life by not having much at all. Only problem is this behavior is not doing me any good on the dating front.
I have incredibly shit hearing in any kind of noisy environment, and the percentage of words I miss rises drastically with the noise level – any setting significantly louder than brunch (and preferably outdoors at that), and there’s not a lot of point my being there. I just have to nod at people and guess when to laugh most of the time, while being bored shitless and getting a headache.
Also, I had a shitty isolated childhood, and I never really learned how to friends. I can hang out and be friendly with people and it’s *okay*, but it’s just kind of empty calories and I’m missing perfectly good partner/kid/hiking time for this.
I used to be very extroverted but now as I’m approaching 25 I just don’t feel the same joy anymore going out to bars or any other social events. People piss me off. Fishing does not piss me off
Men trying to one up each other with needless competition and self comparison. I don’t want to have the conversation of how much can you squat, how much money you make, what you drive, how many women you have sex with, etc… I want to talk to a person about real stuff or joke around about lame stuff – not have it turn into an Andrew Tate YouTube video.
My fave was having to talk to a guy because a woman was cheating on him. He started talking about about other “hotter bitches” he was fucking and sending me pictures of them. Like it was a contest. I find I just don’t relate to most men and I don’t care.
That’s pretty normal for your thirties. Im turning 35 this year myself and I find myself less and less interested in casually mingling. My outings have to have some purpose, generally speaking.
Don’t get me wrong, I can go out to a bar and unwind with the best of them. I can still have fun, but having fun means something different now than it did when I was in my twenties.
But in this day and age of uncertainty and unpredictability, playing it cautious is the optimal strategy.
Recklessness and risk-taking is the privilege of youth.
46M here. Past attempts at socializing have backfired/blown up in my face approximately 17,438 times too many.
I don’t like being alone, but it’s less mentally/emotionally distressing than trying to socialize and it backfiring on me to the point I’m made to feel less than human for it.
Why waste the money, stay home, make dinner, enjoy what you have. Be content. Work out, participate in your hobbies. Life is too short to let other people make you miserable.
I work with people and they fucking suck, so last thing I want is meeting or interacting with people outside work.
People are shitty and most are two-faced snakes. Also as a man people care even less.
I’m an introvert
Life is so exhausting. When I’m doing nothing, I feel like missing out, and when I’m at home doing nothing I’m thinking about all the things I could be doing. Even in my free time I stress about having free time and I want to be doing as much as possible in that time.
I’m a guy. 98% of guys only know how to talk sports in a social situation. Sports bore the hell out of me.
People can be assholes, and for some reason when I’m talking about my interests, people think I’m being pretentious, or get disinterested in the conversation.
That, and I don’t enjoy partying or getting intoxicated.
If you want to do something with me, let’s ride atv’s, go fishing, go on a walk, a late nite drive, or watch a movie with me.
I can only handle 2 to 3 people at a time.
I’m 19, and I find myself being more interested in conversing with people 7 to 30 years + older than me. Whenever my friend was celebrating his graduation, I went away from the party inside, and sat outside with the adults and pestered them with questions.
I’m more interested in the way old people think, and what insights they have to offer me.
I also don’t have to worry about them being a d bag, and can actually have an interesting exchange of ideas with them.
I just don’t fit in with other youngsters, I feel distant from them. It’s rather annoying to talk to them as well.
Fortunately for me, older people are eager to have an enthusiastic young person willing to learn from them.
12 years of policing- people – even in surprisingly small numbers are f@#£ing idiots.. and that’s before you chuck a load of alcohol at them.
Going ‘out’ involves crowds, noise, drunken idiots, drunken idiots fighting, and over priced pishwater.
I’m far happier sitting on my gate sipping a cider overlooking my field with my sheep while the sun goes down… Truely on my death bed that will be a core moment of happiness for me
I feel tired faster than before. Socializing requires energy. I cannot go to bed as late as before. Chatting, dancing, singing even just standing up is more tiring than before.
it’s exhausting. a majority of people believe you’re an NPC they can trauma dump on or eat up 99% of the space with stream of consciousness vomit and disingenuous flagrant performance. this gets exponentially worse with alcohol or weed. I feel like a sponge in a tea of anxiety and insecurity as everyone tries to prove to themselves they are who they say they are.
the older I get the more I value silence and calmness.The best people I have in my life know who they are, are self aware, and considerate. We share intimate silence or can share space but not be doing the same thing so it doesn’t expend social hang out points and I can do it indefinitely.
I have social anxiety and some traits of autism (from what I’ve been told, not diagnosed), being alone or with a very small group of friends is ok for me. Anything beyond that is overwhelming and drains me.
Every time I step out of my front door I lose at least $100 and also the lonely drive home after being surrounded by people that have friends and loved ones makes me want to swerve off a bridge
We’re about the same age, I turn 35 the end of this month.
I was never terribly social, I tried to be when I was in my late teens and early twenties, but all the conventional “social” things people were doing between getting hammered at the bar, clubbing and house parties always felt more like a chore than excitement to me. By the time I was in my mid twenties I accepted that I’m just an introvert and started living as such and have been happier with that aspect of my life ever since.
It’s just soul sucking for me to be around large groups of people for to long.
The main reason is that I like to indulge in my hobbies, and look forward to getting home and continuing work on a project.
As for external reasons, there are many — friends all have families, everything’s a mission, places with regular crowds are cliquish, and so on.
Plus, when you’re young you want to go out and see what’s happening. When you’ve done that long enough, you *know* what’s happening, and it’s pretty boring.
Because there are too many semi conscious super apes milling about ready to annoy me
I’m a 29M. I don’t drink, I don’t go to clubs, and loud environments people like parties drain my social batter very quickly. I like to meet people, but it seems most social situations have a combination of the above.
If I do go out, it’s by myself. Used to care about companionship, but I’ve just learned how to be comfortable being alone.
Modern women are not worth the effort and what I need for myself is very little.
I recently went to a birthday party where I don’t know 90% of the people. I’m 33 now and honestly I’m just over introducing myself to new people for the 1000th time and going through the motions of saying the same mundane things over and over. Hi I’m x, I work at y, I like to do z on the weekends etc. Life is just too busy to maintain these new friendships that most of them fizzle out after a few months. Again, mostly due to life. You move, you change jobs, you have a new hobby etc.
My wife and our families is good enough at the moment. Maybe I’ll get into it again later but right now I’m just over it.