Have any of you gone from angry person who lets things get you worked up to.. not that? I let shit get to me. Only in private, when I’m around people I usually try to have a great attitude, at work and in social situations etc, but I find myself raging a lot when I’m alone for whatever reason. One thing doesn’t go my way and I’ll let it really mess with me and get me worked into a rage. When I was growing up I always had the mentality of just letting it out, usually by cursing really loudly or something like that, and then I’d be over it, but I’m gettin old for that. Anyone have any experiences they might want to share?
21 comments
Try to become better. Let your success be their ruin.
When I get a bit pent up I have a few beers and blast some heavy metal. Music can be pretty therapeutic.
Therapy, Zoloft, cannabis and exercise. That’s what helped me stop raging and spinning on things.
Here’s the best advice I’ve gotten for getting rid of resentment towards others – pray for them. I don’t mean, “God, please let this sumbitch die.” That type of prayer doesn’t work. You need to pray that whoever is pissing you off so much gets everything they need to be happy. I don’t know why it works, but it does. It takes a week or two (maybe longer), but eventually you will notice that you just aren’t as angry. You don’t even have to believe it or mean it while you’re praying either. I’ve said this prayer many times with clenched teeth, “God, please give ———- everything they need to be happy, healthy, and successful in their life.” That’s it. Short and to the point is better. Try it if you’re holding onto anger with someone.
Most people don’t want to admit how much they rage on different things. The thing is, there are a million battles you can choose to fight. Almost none of them are worth fighting. Even if it’s frustrations with yourself. There’s a nice and weird feeling as you get older. The feeling of not giving a fuck about things that don’t matter. Seriously. We don’t matter. Our feelings don’t matter. Your neighbor doesn’t matter. Even your family doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Why care? Just exist. Take the Peter Gibbons approach from the move Office Space. When you stop giving a fuck about little things, you can put energy on things that are interesting. That’s my take! Peace friend
you have to develop your emotional regulation muscles. these muscles are in your head but that doesn’t mean they’re made up. Most well-adjusted adults i meet were taught this kind of stuff by their parents early on in their life, so it is natural to them.
buy [this dbt therapy workbook](https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1626250219). i have the green cover version and it’s been very helpful.
Changed jobs
Therapy.
Are you consuming a lot of content when solo that outrages you? Most social media content is designed to be divisive and enraging because it generates the most views and interactions but it’s not healthy to consume that regularly.
have something else to do. if there is notthing else to do, its hard to shake away for sure.
Be at peace with the fact that not everything can be under your control.
And take some time to be mindful. Meditate–actively try not to think of anything while slowly breathing in and out.
If you’re a religious man you can try praying for whomever, but personally that hasn’t helped at the best, and felt like relinquishing control of your own emotion at worst.
I held a lot of anger in me. Bad childhood, bad parents. Jealous and angry about the unfairness of it all.
Then I found a loving partner, had my first daughter, then had a stroke.
At first I was angry at the unfairness of that, and then one day I realized that that anger lived in me. The things I was mad at didn’t feel any of my anger. I was the one making myself angry, those other things didn’t give a crap about me.
You are promised nothing, you are owed nothing. The only thing fair about life is its unfair to everyone equally.
That anger just saps you, your energy is not infinite and carrying that burden hurts your ability to find happiness. Feeling resentment, feeling hatred, it all is fueled by and lives only in your mind.
You feel the way you think, and now I’m in my 40s I choose to feel happy. Everyone isn’t perfect, as we speak my car is broke, my kids are driving me bonkers, and my wife is having a tough day. The doctors said I could have another stroke any time, no idea when.
I choose to try and be happy because bull shit as I die my thoughts are not going to be about anything but gratitude.
Try reading and watching videos about what you are trying to learn how to do. It’s good that your searching and you’ll definitely find the answer you’re looking for. Then you just have to do the work.
It starts with one simple, critical thing:
Accepting that the anger/hate/resentment…
…are okay. And valid. All your feelings are acceptable. Because a) they have reasons for being, and b) you can’t actually control them. It’s the reactions to them that we have power to change.
Once you’ve done that you can begin to explore and understand the reasons at the roots of those difficult emotions, to heal and develop your relationship with yourself and honour your feelings: past, present and future.
From there, contextualization enables forgiveness, if we choose it. And forgiveness gives us peace.
(Therapy can help a lot).
This is something I’ve been working on for a few years now. I found that exercising will keep me more level headed in general so incorporating it daily is a must. When those moments of anger come, I do my best to nip it in the bud before it consumes me. I tell myself, “Nope, feeling that way just makes things worse. Go a different direction.” or something like that. You have to really convince yourself otherwise you’ll be consumed before you know it.
integrated it and put on a leash. always thought that it’s smth that needs to be eliminated but as Zack dela Rocha has put it “Your anger is a gift.”
“Holding onto anger is like holding onto a burning ember with the goal of throwing it at someone else: You’re the one who get’s burned first.”
Also, I’m pretty sure recent research has suggested going into a rage actually trains you to deal with your problems by getting angry. Train yourself to let go by realizing that hate serves little purpose, that other people are dealing with their own struggles and situations that you might not know about, and that you can be a bigger person than your negative emotions, and you’ll train yourself to be less and less angry over time.
With psychedelics and mdma
I’ve been through some shit I’m my life & I ended up hating the men who abused me. It would take over my thoughts & found myself being constantly angry (I got counselling) but these thoughts helped as a kind of mantra. Anger & hatred is you taking the poison & expecting the other person to die. The only person suffering is myself. Everytime I find myself angry at what happened or happening I remember the only person I’m hurting is myself. When you get angry at the memory of them they get to hurt you again. How many times do you want to let them hurt you. They no longer live rent free in my head or my heart.
seems like thats a sign that you’re not happy with something in your life, maybe your job, relationships or regrets?
I have progressively calmed down since I turned 28. I’ve learned it’s never worth it and I no longer feel the need to prove myself.
I think it’s just life experience that helps. One thing that helps me stay calm is knowing whatever is angering me is also going to anger others and I’ll let them be the lightening rod. I have become great at finding humor in things that would have previously triggered me. And have better coping mechanisms, self talk being a big one.