I 25F haven’t had sex in 2 years. I moved to a big city a year and a half ago and I go on a lot of OLD, but haven’t found a connection with anyone. I usually am not comfortable sleeping with a man until we’ve gone on at least like 4-5 dates or so. But I only lasted to three dates with one guy and had a few second dates – I just haven’t found a mutual connection, the one I did find ended up ghosting me. So basically I’m someone who needs somewhat of a connection to enjoy sex, but I’m also really horny and tired of not being touched. I went on two dates with this guy 25M and I’m sooo attracted to him and we get along pretty well, he’s easy to talk to. The problem is he’s clearly only interested in sex (I planned our second date, and he won’t even plan a third date – he’s just asking if I want to watch a movie and won’t even pick the movie, lmao. So whatever, I’m not mad at him for it because we all want different things. My dilemma is this would usually be the part where I text him “hey I think we’re looking for different things, so I don’t think I’m interested blah blah”. But part of me is like okay well I have the chance to sleep with this very attractive man and have a fun time. He’s not in love with me but I still want to have sex with him. And it’s not like a crush or anything – I know we aren’t ever going to be anything, but even if we only have sex once I still want to do it.
So basically is my horniness clouding my judgement or is my judgement clouding my horniness?
8 comments
If he’s made it clear he’s not looking for anything serious you are allowed to hit it and quit it if you want, you are an adult and can do whatever the heck you want.
But. You are starved for physical and emotional connection for the past couple years. Can you do one without the other? During sex, a lot of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and other bonding hormones are released throughout the body. If you don’t have a history of hooking up successfully and separating sex from romance, are you setting yourself up for guaranteed heartbreak?
Yes.
just be very aware that he does not like you and having sex with you will not change his mind. Even if during sex it feel like he want you, it will not be romantically.
You should go ahead and have him for pure sex. You think you’re someone “who needs an emotional connection to enjoy sex”, but meeting him is showing you that might not be true. Treat this as an experiment. After you have had a few one night stands (or similar: only two or three fucks), you might find they’re as unfun as you thought they would be. That’ll be OK. The thrill of the chase will still have been fun. If I had sex once or twice with a woman and it the sex wasn’t good, what would matter to me is: did we treat each other with respect and consideration? If we did, then the blah sex I had will not be a bad memory.
This is my dilemma too! Let me know if you figure it out 😆 For me as a women I feel like there is so much more risk on my plate when it comes to sex and I have to weigh that when sleeping with someone. It never feels like I can ‘let loose’ and do something with no strings, yet I still desire physical affection and connection. One of only ways I feel safe to explore sexually is when I’m in relationship but you never know when or if you’ll find someone who wants that with you.
Very toxic move and you making yourself an option for him. Don’t be and option for anyone
If you can’t enjoy sex without an emotional connection, one of 2 things will happen.
1. You find the sex empty and unfulfilling because there is no emotional connection. When it’s over you feel guilty that you let it happen.
2. You have a 1 way emotional connection with him and it’s great sex but you catch feelings for him which are not reciprocated.
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