i’m seeing a guy, and i think he’s honestly perfect and we get along so well. but the more i think about it the more i realise that we are complete opposites in a lot of ways. like don’t get me wrong humour wise and our outlook on the world is almost identical, but there’s some things that are so so different i don’t know if would affect things in the long term. for instance i’m quite a paranoid person and i have a lot of irrational fears, and when i asked him he couldn’t think of a single thing he is actually scared of. or like when we cook i will happily leave the dishes on the side and enjoy my meal and maybe leave them for a couple hours, whereas he has to clean then immediately. he’s a generally pretty tidy person, very minimalistic whereas i can be messy at times and i love having lots of things because i’m quite a sentimental person. i feel like these could be an issue and anytime i’ve mentioned how different we are he tells me he thinks it’s cute, maybe it’s good because he can maybe bring me back down to earth but i don’t know. i’m really trying with the messy thing so hopefully that won’t have a strain in the future
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Being opposites might be your greatest strength. A lot of the times being opposite means you react in different but complimentary ways in situations, and this is especially important if you are going through a difficult situation. But yes, there might be some things you will both need to compromise and some habits you will have to change. But every relationship comes with some compromise
I mean, as long as you are okay with the differences.
I am happy to hear that your humour and outlook is that same. In my OP, i think it’s all that matters.
If you are planning to spend the rest of your lives with each other, what should really matter is how well you two come through when there are major differences.
Here’s where it matters where you are the same:
1) How do you communicate during a disagreement? How do you communicate when something’s really bothering you about your partner?
2) What are your views on money and lifestyle?
3) What are your views on religion and social issues?
4) Do you both want kids in the future? No kids? That’s a big one.
5) What are the expectations for holidays? Are these negotiable or will Christmas ALWAYS have to be with his family for actual Christmas no matter what? How does that make you feel?
6) What are your views on household roles – who does what? And how do you make sure it’s equitable?
THOSE are the things to worry about. Him not being afraid of things while you’re a generally spooked person? Manageable. But him wanting kids but you NOT wanting kids? not manageable. Him being quiet and a hider when you are explosive as a fighter? Not manageable.
Yes, You aren’t fighting over the Xbox, arguing over starting shows without them and throwing everything out of the fridge because they ate all the good flavors of shit.
This is a loaded question which has no objective answer without additional context. I think there’s a fairly misguided cliche that exists where “opposites attract,” but just like your question, there’s no objective truth to that. As such, here’s what you need to focus on in general, and then I’ll get into your specific situation.
Are you compatible where it matters? Do you have the same long term goals? Do you communicate well? Even if you have different interests, do you support each other in having those different interests? Is there any compromise? In short, being “opposite” can be completely fine if we’re not talking about the traits that make up relationship compatibility. As an example, let’s say you like musical theater and he likes sports. You don’t like sports and he doesn’t like musical theater. That makes you the “opposite” so to speak. It’s great that you have your own interests. But is it a problem that he likes sports or that you like theater? Would you both be willing to enjoy the other’s interest every so often? If so, you’d be completely fine. If, however, it’s a situation like you want children and he doesn’t, then no, there’s nothing good about you two being opposites. It’s an incompatible relationship that will never work. I digress.
Let’s now get into your specifics. You have irrational fear and he doesn’t. First, you should probably find a way to manage that, since what you’re essentially saying is you have anxiety. Have you spoken to anyone? Regardless, I’d argue it’s great that you’re with someone who’s not, because if you were both overly anxious, you’d make each other crazy if not exacerbate any given situation. As for the dishes, this also doesn’t have to be a big deal, but it can involve compromise. That could certainly be a situation that becomes problematic, but it doesn’t have to if you two can work together as a team to find a real solution.
In short, communication is key. When there are difference, you need to talk about them and work together to find sustainable compromise. If you can’t, then it won’t work. Good luck.
Being different keeps things interesting.
I often feel my girl and I are from different planets. She’s into drag shows, witchy culture, murder mysteries, R&B, and mental health.
I’m into technology, home improvement, board games, vehicles, geological politics, acoustic…
We have a lot of common ground (similar humor, cooking, activities), but we stray on different sides on our own. While I don’t have any particular interests in some of her things, like drag shows, I can carry on a conversation and see why people are into it. I’ll admit, some of that shit is genuinely hilarious. And while she might not appreciate upgrading the home tools to a decent Milwaukee set, she has been excited to see the difference they’ve made in working around the house.
We love each other, communicate well, and are able to still live our lives. There’s nothing wrong with being from different planets, as long as the communication and love is still there.
My therapist is a sign on her wall that reads “opposites attract, but for how long?”
You can learn from each other and grow as people now, but you might get annoyed once those fresh love hormones wear off and you’re left butting heads. Only time will tell. Good luck op
If you have the same outlook on the world, similar life goals (I mean what city to live, agree on division of chores if you ever live together, if you are on the same page regarding having children in the future or not, and other important life decisions) then don’t worry about minor differences. Only the messiness could be a factor if it bothers him, but if not, it’s workable.
Just make sure that you both communicate in a healthy and loving way, are open to each other, and when you don’t agree, is never “you against me”, is “you and me together against this problem we have”. Even if the problem is caused by the behavior of one of you, because you can talk about it and reach compromises. Good luck!