I (21F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (22M) for just over a year. I lost my virginity to him a couple of days ago, I wanted to wait till marriage however we ended up doing it. He didn’t force me to, hes always wanted to do it before marriage but ive always said no until now and although he wasn’t too happy about it hes always respected my decision. Anyway, so we did do it. However it took forever to try and get it in, for some reason my body would just not let it in. Its like it completely blocked him from going in and Im not sure why. He did enough foreplay and everything too. After trying for so long, It did go in one time eventually and we had sex. Obviously it wasn’t amazing, I wasnt expecting it to be as it was my first time after all. I know he likes doing different positions, but we ended up staying in the same one and lasted only a couple of minutes. For me, I did enjoy the whole experience of just being intimate and comfortable with him, even before when he couldn’t get it in. But today he messaged and said He “didn’t like” the sex we had and that we should “do it again and much better”
It really made me feel shit and I feel so insecure now. I know it wasn’t the best and I know I wasn’t amazing at it or anything, but It was my first time after all and I thought he did enjoy it to some extent at least. He knows how I feel about sex and thats why I waited till marriage. I wasnt even 100% ready but I am 100% serious with him and I wanted to do it for him. The fact that I did do it with him before marriage means something for me. It was special to me but he just said he didn’t like it. I dont know if im overthinking it but its made me feel like shit and I cant even think back to my first time now knowing he didn’t even enjoy it. It making me feel like I regret doing it before marriage now :/ im not sure what/how to respond to what my boyfriend said.
TL;DR: have been waiting till marriage (due to religious reasons) but lost my virginity to my boyfriend a couple of days ago. We struggled to get it in, for some reason my body would just not let him go in. After a while he somehow managed to get it in and we had sex. It lasted a couple of mins and we ended up staying in the same position throughout. Although it was kinda awkward for me and it wasn’t the best, it was still special to me and I still enjoyed it and the intimacy. However my boyfriend said to me he “didnt like it”. Made me feel insecure, shit andregretful about doing it before marriage.
Edit: I asked him about what he said and told him how it made me feel. He said he was “just joking” and that its because it was short and I made it difficult for him to go in. Everytime I explained how it made me feel, telling him It was special to me, how it was my first time and him saying he didnt like it made me feel shit etc he kept replying with “I know” and just trued to shut the conversation down as he said “can we stop talking about it now” and “you got it all wrong”. I forgot to mention that when I was trying to give him oral (was my first time doing this too) he said I “dont know how to impress” him. When I reacted he said he was “just joking” and that its actually better that Im inexperienced. I just let it slide and we carried on at the time. I still love him but judging from all your responses, Im not sure if this is a sign that he’s not good for me :/
10 comments
Wow. He has a lousy choice of words. If he only lasted a couple minutes he is likely a lil embarrassed by his performance, not you. Did henuse a condom? I would definitely have a discussion about how you both feel before doing it again
He also said he wanted to do it again….I’d focus on that part. This gets better with time, patience and practice from both of you.
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You both need to be open and respectful. You should tell him what you want, and he should do the same.
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So I’d say don’t worry, just give it another try, and keep trying until you get it right. That is, of course, if you want to.
Well, he sounds like an immature little boy. That’s what you typically get in the early 20s, unfortunately. I would have called him a Minute Man, but that’s pretty harsh too. Lol
Tell him what you wrote here, that him reporting back to you so that you would know exactly how unsatisfying it was FOR HIM is very selfish and doesn’t make you eager to have sex with him. Tell him he stuck his foot in his mouth and hurt you.
He sounds like an unempathetic moron. It is clearly a defining emotional event for you and this is his response? I’d assertively let him know his attitude and choice of words are unfortunate and likly take a day off to allow him to think about it.
The first time is almost ALWAYS bad – that’s pretty well known. Sex is about learning about eachother and exploring connection. This is done through relaxation and love… what he said does NOT move towards that.
Sigh… so foolish.
The first time is always awkward. Sometimes even for two people who aren’t virgins as your body’s have to get used to each other. Your body will “lock up” if your mind doesn’t want to. He can engage in hours of foreplay beforehand but YOU have to be all in and that includes mentality. Some part of you might not have been ready. Remember even if you say yes it’s okay to change your mind right before or during. It is even okay to realize it wasn’t what you wanted after. His words were rude and you should discuss with him how they can make each time more difficult if he associates it as something “not good”. He obviously enjoyed it enough to finish, unfortunately women require real pleasure and not just a hole. Did you orgasm? I’m assuming not. Let him know, it was pretty limited for you too. He doesn’t have the power here. You and your body is something he has wanted for a long time, you allowed him access to it. You’re in control here. I would recommend exploring your body independently so you can guide him next time into what feels best for you. You can also try using a lubrication to help but remind him while it helps it doesn’t mean he can go crazy once he’s inside, it will still hurt if you’re not all in. It’ll get better with practice, communication and some focusing on you.
So to summarize, he’s pressured you for sex despite you consistently stating you’re uncomfortable with it, finally talked you into it, refused to use a condom despite you wanting to (per your comment), only lasted a few minutes, and then badmouthed the experience after?
OP, your boyfriend is a jerk who puts his own pleasure over your feelings, health, and beliefs. You might be serious about him, but he is NOT a good partner.
I think no birth control is bigger issue. Unless you want a baby bc is a must.
Have a conversation w him. Maybe even have him read thes comments. So did he withdraw and ejaculate outside of you or inside you??
I’m so sorry this happened to you. You were pressured to do something you were not ready for and then insulted about it. I hope you move on and find someone who values your needs and wants and is willing to wait until you are ready (if that means until marriage or not).
Also OP please please know that you are not ruined or damaged or anything like that. It doesnt mean you are bad at sex, just inexperienced and everyone starts out inexperienced. You can absolutely go on to have a wonderful healthy sex life with whomever you choose to share that intimacy with.
OP have you tried asking him what he meant because when I read it I interpreted it as he does like the way he performed and he wants to do it again and much better to impress you. Ask him for further clarification