Hi. I (48f) am in an online relationship with a much younger man (29). I am recently seperated from a long term marriage. I left ex as I realised there was no kindness or love left in our marriage. We tried counseling etc but the role modeling to our son was horrific in terms of healthy relationships.
So after a year I have found myself in an online relationship that I absolutely was not looking for or wanting. We met on a video game. 7 months later we are saying ‘I love you’, have travel booked together and have discussed him moving to me.
Over the last few weeks he is withdrawing. He has just had a friend die suddenly a few days ago. A week ago he was really unwell with flu like symptoms.
His withdrawal looks like short terse replys or none at all.
Last week I called it quits as he was so rude. But we lasted a day apart. We have a really strong attraction to each other and when we are good…. We are really really REALLY good. Like feels like blissful love. He is kind, sweet, funny, brave, strong, wise and chilled. And really fucking sexy.
This time around he withdrew. I was tentative but stayed positive and light. He shared death and i did get a reassuring ‘I love you’ message.
Other flags/context. Was cheated on my his much younger previous gf. Can be very jealous of me. Has been unkind to me in front of other people a couple of times. I have found myself a bit of a mess with all of this and get anxious and jealous myself which is not like me.
Sorry, this is all a longwinded jumble. I am new to this dating business. He is special and I fucking adore him. Just not sure if this is just normal for some peeps to need time and space and we are figuring each other out? Or is he a narcissist who enjoys the control…. 😬ðŸ˜
Partner withdraws. How should I respond?
4 comments
Let him be. He’s mourning. How was he unkind to you in public? Did he shame you? He’s much younger so this can be a factor too with the fights.
Break up. Too young + long distance is a disaster waiting to happen
Wait, have you met this guy in person? If not, it’s not really a relationship yet imo. You need to at least meet to see if you’re compatible. Until then, of course his real life is going to take precedence over an online relationship. You said his friend died and he had the flu in the past few weeks. Those are both valid reasons to spend less time online, and I’m finding it odd that you jump to calling him rude, terse, narcissistic and controlling. I find this whole post odd actually, including the huge age gap. Have you asked him how he’s doing, and whether he needs support or some space?
All that fuzzy wuzzy stuff is the honeymoon phase talking.
Look at the facts:
– age gap
– Can be very jealous *of me* (you mean controlling because he’s been cheated on before and won’t trust you OR jealous of your accomplishmentss?)
– Has been **unkind to me in front of other people** a couple of times (he shouldn’t be unkind to you ever – the fact that he would do this in public means he doesn’t respect you I think)
You’ve only met online I think and what you know of him is not worth it. I’d end it and block him