TL;DR Hey yall,
I (31M) have been dating a woman (34F) for 3 months. The last three months have been great and her birthday is coming up.
Now when we first started talking she discussed she has never been on a baecation and wanted to go. So, for this birthday I have planned a nice weekday out of the country trip.
It was supposed to be a surprise, but throughout multiple conversations I have learned a few new things. She has expressed interest in going somewhere she has never been and also a desire to do multiple excursions and events.
The trip I planned was in Mexico, and she has already been to that country. I purchased plane tickets in the last month and hotel stay. As you may know, with such a little window ticket prices during the summer are costly.
She constantly brings up her travel, places she stays, how much she pays, and it feels like this trip may be underwhelming. I would think someone would appreciate any destination at this point of our relationship, but she has made a lot of hints towards what she doesn’t want this trip to be. This trip is totalling over $2500 so far, without excursions and I don’t want to spend that much and it not be appreciated.
Should I cancel the trip and take her somewhere later that she may enjoy more after her birthday? TL;DR
6 comments
I would go through with it. If she’s a good woman, she will appreciate it. I doubt you can get a refund or re-plan everything in time anyways.
Can you currently cancel and get your money back? Because there are at least two big issues here. One is that you should not plan a trip like this as a surprise. Too much chance of that going horribly. And second, you should not be spending that much on a birthday gift for someone you have only known for three months.
Unless you can easily get virtually all your money back, I’d proceed with the plan. It is far more extravagant than she has any right to expect after only three months. Arguably, you shouldn’t have planned this trip in the first place, but if you can’t recover the costs, it’s too late for that realisation
I don’t think this is a good idea. A surprise international trip isn’t something to do lightly – especially when you’ve only been dating for 3 months.
I think you should just talk to her about it. “Hey I planned this trip as a surprise because I thought you’d like it. However recently you’ve been saying [her words] which has made me think you’d probably prefer not to do this trip. Sorry to ruin the surprise, but I want to make sure you like your present. Would you like to do this trip to Mexico, or another trip, or would you prefer I nix the trip idea altogether and get you a different gift? My budget for a trip is around [whatever], so I’m also not sure if any of the other places you mentioned will work. But I thought we could make a plan together, or you can tell me what you’d prefer as I’d rather have a non-surprise gift you’re happy with rather than a surprise that disappoints you.”
Idk I think you’re adults, just be upfront. You haven’t know eachother that long to be able to guess with 100% accuracy what she would like
To me it’s simple. You have only dated 3 months which honestly is nothing in the big picture. The fact that you already spent this much on a surprise trip is a little alarming but also a very sweet gesture. If she has any expectations of a blow-out, far-flung baecation odyssey this short in then you are setting yourself up for a hard life! Seems like the surprise may not be the best angle based on her desires so just be straight, hit her with a “yo i got a solid trip lined up. didnt know at the time that you have been, but we’ll find new and exciting things to do!” if that rubs her the wrong way then she just has priorities that are unrealistic. do the big trip next year after y’all really have a solid relationship. good luck.