My partner and I have been together for a little over 4 years now, and lived together for about 3.5 of those. Long story short, I was kicked out for being gay and had to come stay here while I finished up my undergrad. Been here ever since.
We were each other’s first serious relationship.
I have a wonderful relationship with his family. I’m employed at his mom’s business and make decent money, yet my life doesn’t seem fulfilling. The problem is, we live in an extremely rural area that thinks it’s an urban area. Rent here is way too expensive to live on my own with my current pay. I have a master’s degree and can’t even use it because there are no jobs around here.
I want to leave badly. He wants to stay in this area. When asked what we’re going to do about that, he replies, “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
It seems like all me and him do is fight anymore. Every time I’ve tried to leave, I always get told I’m being dramatic, or that he’ll change/he still loves me, etc.
He was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), is fully aware, and doesn’t want to get help. In his defense, I don’t think there is much that can be done for NPD other than talk therapy. I have been spat on by him, pushed, had water dumped on me while I was using my MacBook that I worked really hard to save up money for, but I’m going to be honest, I have screamed at him before and hit him back before.
I have also struggled with my weight, and he doesn’t seem to care. If he wants something sweet after dinner, he feels he shouldn’t be the only one to bear those calories and that sugar, so I am annoyed and pressured into eating dessert. I have gained 65 pounds since being with him. I struggled with food long before I got with him, but managed to lose weight about a year before we got together. I’m not happy with myself and I don’t care about myself anymore. I just feel like I would be happier living elsewhere.
Anytime we go on vacation, it’s just a week of fighting. I have no fight left in me. Any time I try to leave, I am spammed with calls and texts. It just doesn’t feel fair. I don’t know what to do anymore.
TL;DR – I feel trapped and like I can’t leave because I feel guilty and because my partner won’t leave me alone when I try to leave.
4 comments
You can leave and just not answer his calls or texts.
This sounds like an abusive relationship.
There’s a lot of emotional and psychological barriers to leaving this kind of situation, and he has that hold over you to reel you back in. You gotta break that line of contact cause when he keeps harrassing you it takes only one moment of weakness for you to go running back.
Physically you can leave. You can literally walk away right now. But you gotta do it and not give him the chance to pull you back. Don’t tell him where you are, block him on everything and just go.
You arent trapped, you are choosing to stay
He hasn’t made. You gain 65lbs, you choose every spoonful
You are effectively using him and his family at this point
Who took the npd test here?
RE read what you just told us. He took you in when you had nowhere to go, his family gave you a job so you can maintain your self esteem, they feed you and like you.
You don’t want to stay there and he does. You have had the conversation but because you don’t get the answer that you want you just keep bringing it up and are now upset that all you do is fight????
You are likely much closer to being kicked out than you are moving to the city with him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has confided in his mum that he regrets the whole thing.
If you leave then just leave mobile phones allow you to block a number if it gets too much.
Rent being too expensive is entirely a you problem. Apart from the fact that you have a degree so should be able to clear 1k/month easily that excuse is a disgrace. Imagine finding out someone was only staying with you so that you could pay for their stuff…
He sew to have made it clear he wants to stay there so what are you going to do about that?
>>If he wants something sweet after dinner, he feels he shouldn’t be the only one to bear those calories and that sugar, so I am annoyed and pressured into eating dessert.
This is the most bonkers through process I’ve nearly ever heard. “The only one to bear those calories…”? Utterly bonkers. You know he has NPD, and he’s abused you. Of course you’ve hit back from time to time; when people hit you, you sometimes hit back. You have inappropriate guilt, friend, rather than healthy self-preservation. Do you have money to leave? Because you could leave. And not leave a forwarding address, and block his calls & texts. Please call your local DV hotline for expert tips on leaving an abusive partner.