So today in like hour i should meet eith my best friend and we were planing things when he asked if its okay for five more people to come i mean i know them all but were nothing special and i know i will just be there quiet probably a litlle cringe for some of thwm and i sayd okay to him but now im thinking not to go i mean he asked if i want then to come or not i sayd yes because i dont want to be wierd but i wanted for us alone to go
Update:so i went and i had good time i know realize that they like me i mean there were people i dont know and there were people i know but it was fine and i think that i should stop think of worst
Update2: thank all pf you for support and advices
14 comments
Why will you sit there quietly? Why will it be cringe for some of them? Do you have a hard time joining larger conversations?
First of all, you should probably use this situation to make an effort to connect with more people and get over that awkwardness you seem to feel in larger groups. It wont get better if you don’t make an effort.
Also without knowing the specific situation, I can’t know for sure, but it might be your friend does not want to hang out alone and rather be with a larger group. Something to think about is the fact that you call this person your best friend, but aren’t even comfortable enough to ask them to hang out alone because they will think you are weird. That doesn’t sound like a very close relationship to me. Maybe you should try to be more open with this friend in general. Although not knowing more specifics about the situation I can’t say any of this for sure.
I understand you, I hate such situations so much and feel guilty so I just go along and feel miserable because I’m very shy and introverted and feel comfortable only around my closest friends
I think you gotta be more comfortable vocalizing your preferences. If he asks if it’s okay, just say you’d prefer it be the two of y’all cause you want the one on one time to catch up and that’s harder to do with a group
Outside of our comfort zone is the only place you can grow. Acknowledge your fear, and go anyway. That’s how you get better. Good luck!
Well it doesn’t help for now but you need to start asking for what you want. They ASKED if it was okay, it was not okay, but you said it was. They can’t do anything about that. You didn’t give them the opportunity because you weren’t honest. So start there. Start being honest.
Been there, done that.
For me it was I’m on the fence so I say okay, but the more I think about it the less I’m on the fence. In my situation it helped to learn how to say, “I’ll get back to you on that.” or on IM brb, or not responding immediately. Take your time and think through a response to make sure you get what you want.
I really don’t like when people do that at the last minute either. I recommend you could tell him that you were surprised and just said yes out of instinct but now that you’re thinking about it—if it could just be you two. And you could also mention (as someone here also said) if the group can meet up later in the day? I’d definitely be honest about feeling more introverted and that you want a little time to break out of your shell before another group arrives.
Lots of people don’t understand how shocking and overwhelming it can be for others to arrive on short notice. I had a friend who did this once and I just told him how I needed one on one because I was feeling more introverted that day and that it wasn’t personal and had nothing to do with his other friends. He was very accepting of that.
I prefer 1 on 1 interactions. It’s difficult for me in groups sometimes, and I just note that to people. If someone wants to go out in a group, I can be game for that, but if someone pulls a switcharoo on me like this I might just say ‘hey, I was hoping we’d just chill as I don’t really have the social battery to deal with a full group right now’ My friends get it, most people do.
Reminds me when I was going to meet a friend I hadnt seen in like 3 years (post pandemic), the last day he told me he was invited to a LAN party and wanted me to come, it would be fun. Bro, I wanted to see YOU after a long time, I didnt want to meet a new dozen people, fuck that.
This was like a year ago, we still havent seen each other. Honestly dont really consider us friends anymore.
That’s so annoying.
Had an old buddy pull this little stunt the last time I asked to hang out. Except, without warning, he brings his kid sister to the bar with him. I had a couple beers and left early. It hadn’t been the first time he had done something like this. We’ve stopped talking since.
Social anxiety can play a lot of tricks on us. I’m happy to hear that you enjoyed yourself and found that they like you and your company. Very cool.
Hey just wanted to say that I totally relate to this post and the update. Like usually I end up having a good time but it’s pretty annoying when they invite new people either: extremely last minute or without even a heads-up. You don’t get to relax around people you’re familiar with, you have to put on the whole new persona to befriend them, and it can be quite draining. I’m glad you were able to have a great time though!
I have a friend that will bring an extra person when we golf and their skill level is far below everyone else. It slows everything down and becomes super frustrating…. But my friend thinks I’m a dick for being frustrated.