So over the last few months of settling into a new relationship with my boyfriend, I have noticed that when we are just chilling at home watching tv on the sofa, in bed or any sort of downtime he has this very old ripped distressed looking face wash cloth that he fiddles around with, morning moon and night everyday even keeping it in his pocket to play with. In the beginning I think he hid this from me a little and when I first seen it I was confused but I didn’t ask him about it, he knows at this point that I’m aware of it because he plays with it in front of me and sometimes even when we are cuddling, I honestly thought it may be a childhood comfort or something but I mean it’s a plain grey slightly stained ripped up grey wash face cloth so I don’t understand the sentimental value if any? I’m just honestly so confused as he plays with it habitually and I’ve been aware of it for so long without saying anything that it seems too late to question it? I also don’t want to embarrass him or make him feel uncomfortable. I like him a lot but I don’t know how to approach this and I don’t know why it’s making me feel so uncomfortable.
19 comments
I mean yeah, it sounds like it’s probably a childhood thing to me. I don’t know why you seem to think old tattered things can’t have sentimental value. If anything they often have more. Of course you won’t see the sentimental value, it’s not yours.
I would just ask him what the deal is. It’s not realistic for him to expect you just pretend it doesn’t exist all the time. Just don’t come at it from a place of judgement.
It’s likely a blankie from his very young days.
It is weird that he still plays with it! He is dependent on it!
It would not be weird for you to bring it up, but you have to also realize that he might refuse to give it up. Then you have a decision to make. Do you want to date a grown ass man with a blankie?
If he has not disclosed anything about being neurodiverse then this could be a sign that he is on the autism spectrum and the cloth is a comfort item. Another possibility is that this is a grief related thing, say from the loss of a child. Either way proceed with appropriate caution and empathy.
It’s definitely some kind of comfort item, and if it’s that old either it’s sentimental or it’s a certain texture that he wants to touch. I would ask him about it gently- just “hey, I’ve noticed you have that a lot. Does it have any special meaning?”
I wouldn’t push him to get rid of it or even stop using it now.
Ask him like a adult would
Could it be his cum rag?
My childhood blanket blankie is now so ragged and small that it could be mistaken for having been a wash cloth in a past life. I keep it with me around the house to twine between my fingers and have a hard time sleeping if I don’t have it.
He is comfortable with you seeing it since he’s no longer hiding it–i, as a thirty -year-old woman, do not let just anyone see/know about my blankie because people (see some of the comments on your post already) think it’s weird. The only people who know about it are close to me; hell, even my aunts made fun of me in high school for having it (when it still somewhat resembled a baby blankie lol) and even threw it away when I was at school!
It probably is an anxiety thing for me–it is so ragged because I like having it in my fingers, (and when I don’t have it, I’m usually playing with my hair) and it sounds like it could be that for him too, or just habit.
So you can ask him about it; he’s probably trying to see if you’re freaked out by it and it sounds like you are more curious than upset. I just asked my spouse if Blankie freaked him out when we started dating and he said, “No, I just thought you were weird.” (I am weird, Blankie or no Blankie.) And when pieces of it fall off, he sews bigger, sturdier pieces of my sister’s baby blankie to the remnants of my blankie Ship of Theseus -style.
Please make him at least wash it.
I’m 39 years old and my baby blanket is in my bed with me every night. It’s in tatters but it’s mine and it’s comforting. That’s likely what it is for him. A gentle, non-confrontational conversation might be in order. “Hey, I’ve noticed that you have that piece of cloth (or however you want to refer to it) with you a lot. Would you be open to sharing with me why or what it means to you?” That makes it obvious you know, but gives him an out if he doesn’t want to talk about it.
It is probably some childhood comfort item.
My cousin had a blanket and still has it at 33 years old. It’s looks really bad, literally falling apart but she still has it.
It definitely sounds like a security blanket. I’m on the autism spectrum, and I know I would still have my baby blanket if the hotel staff didn’t throw it away when I was 12 (yep, I had it for 12 years, and at the end, it was essentially a ripped-apart rag tied into a knot to keep it together). It’s not just a companion cube thing, but a sensory thing, since I need something to squeeze and do with my hands (when I go out, I have a bracelet I made that I can squeeze and fidget with instead). I still have a security blanket to this day (I have mine on my lap right now), and there have been very few nights in my life where I’ve slept without one.
But, it being smelly is a different issue. My security blanket is very important to me, but I am sure to wash it on a regular basis. Although, my last security blanket only lasted about 5 years or so, so for this one, I still wash it, but I hang-dry instead of putting it in the dryer.
To breach the subject, maybe say you understand the need for a companion cube and something to fidget with. It’s not easy, since I know I can get sensitive about the fact that I’m in my late-20s and I still have a security blanket, but if you trust each other, that should make things easier.
Maybe ask if he would like help finding a new security blanket. I’m not going to lie, this is a tough journey. For me, I had to visit about 10 different stores (including fabric stores) before finding the one I liked, and I got lucky, since the one I got was discontinued and on clearance (got it from Nordstrom in the baby section). Perhaps even more difficult is transitioning to the new one. When I lost my first security blanket when I was 12, I luckily already had another blanket that I slept with at the time, so the transition wasn’t too bad. When getting the new blanket, don’t replace it immediately, but he should hang onto both at first, and then slowly phase out the old one.
He’ll probably be reluctant to get a new security blanket, perhaps even refuse to do so, but it sounds like it’s starting to get unsanitary. It can be good to stress the pros of a new blanket, like how a new blanket will be larger and much easier to fidget with.
Buy one of those net bags that you use to wash bras and other delicates. Give it to him and say:
“Hey, I bought this for you to use when you need to wash your washcloth. It will protect it from getting damaged in the laundry.”
It acknowledges that you realize the washcloth has some sort of importance to him without pressuring him to tell you.
The fact is, he doesn’t *have* to tell you because it isn’t your business. There could be a very traumatic or embarrassing reason behind why he uses it for comfort and he doesn’t have to tell you until he is good and ready, if ever. Let him know you accept this about him whether he shares his reasons or not and that the ‘why’ isn’t important.
Ask him. I have lots of things with sentimental value. I don’t fondle them while watching tv. I never do that. I’ve never heard of anyone doing that. Does he possibly have OCD or possibly he’s on the autism spectrum?
My stepson had a piece of yellow blanket binding he kept forever. It was all that was left of his favorite baby blanket from when he was small. It was really important to him.
it’s a comfort item! i have a (horribly broken) [furreal friends bear](https://www.entertainmentearth.com/product/furreal-friends-newborns-brown-bear-cub-pet/hfr94280) that i have had since i was 7! it brings me so much comfort, and a lot of people who went through abuse at home have some sort of comfort item. i kept this bear by my side 24/7 because it was the only thing i felt i could rely on.
it definitely should not make you uncomfortable. that’s something you have to work on, not him. don’t mention it, and think about why it bothers you so much, or leave the guy and let him find someone who isn’t uncomfortable with him having a rag that comforts him.
It’s probably a sensory device to sooth. Some people use one for touch. Mine is for the scent. I rub it on the side of my nose.
I’m in my 30s and still hold my comfort item close, it’s not a blanket but a stuffed animal. It’s a comfort and texture thing for sure.
Well my super honest opinion. I think it has something to do with attraction lol tbh although what he’s doing isn’t wrong. I wouldn’t find it attractive seeing a grown man fondle his baby blanket or whatever. That doesn’t mean I couldn’t get over it but sure it would be a bit cringy. Some men have preferences in women and women have preferences in men. And seeing a man with a blanket would be off putting. However it’s a small thing, but alarming when seeing it for the first time. Just know though this is something you will most likely see you’re whole relationship. Every time the cloth comes along. Decide if it’s something you can get past.
You should probably move on with a relationship where the guy is 11 years far ahead in age but seems like he cannot find solace with you. There is more to story that you don’t know.