He always has, and I just want it to stop. We’ve been together for 11 years and it’s been particularly bad over the past couple of years. He’s had a rough life, suffered a lot of abuse growing up, physical and verbal, and has pretty much always gotten the short end of the stick. He’s really truly a good person who has a lot of issues because of the way he grew up and he’s aware of these issues and come a long way.
I’m an eternal optimist and can get shit on an awful lot and remain positive, but he’s just been dumped on for so long that he doesn’t know how to dig out. For example, in the past two years, he’s wrecked his motorcycle (not his fault, bike was totaled and he got really lucky), his bank account has been stolen at least 7 times and all his money drained, windows smashed out of his truck, his truck broken into and burgled, car accident (also not his fault). The list goes on and on and on. On top of that, he’ll do anything for anyone but never gets anything in return, even from his best friends. On top of that, he’s somehow always the person that people just fuck with. Whether it’s when he’s driving, in public, wherever, people just feel the driving NEED to start shit with him for absolutely no reason. I used to think it was something he brought on himself because of the frequency, but it’s sincerely not. I don’t understand it and I’m at the point of literally not knowing what to do.
He feels like no matter what he does, he can’t win. The number of times he’s said he was going to drive his truck off a cliff or shoot him self in the head because nothing ever goes right for him is more than I can count, and it terrifies me. He tries SO hard for me and my daughter to be happy and stay positive, but life just knocks him down every chance it gets. I feel so unbelievably helpless about all of it because I can’t stop the bad things from happening, obviously. I’m just stuck in this horrible cycle of bad shit happening to my husband and having to talk him down while he’s upset and ending up being verbally abused because he’s angry about whatever is happening when I’m just trying to help. His bank account was negatives last night when he went to order something and he flew off the handle because there were a ton of fraudulent charges. He’s been through this so many times, he literally said fuck it, I’m just closing my bank account and they can just keep it. It was over $4k that was gone, so obviously he can’t just let that go but there’s no talking sense into him when he’s like this.
Has anyone been through anything like this?? I’m stuck on this awful loop of watching my husband wade through shit and I just can’t fucking help him get out of it and I’m scared that one day he is actually going to commit suicide. To anyone who read this far, thank you. I just feel so helpless. 🙁
3 comments
He needs therapy. Also, there’s a saying “See the common denominator”
You’re biased because you genuinely love your husband. People have bad stuff happen to them all the time, but when it becomes a pattern, one has to start questioning their everyday choices in life.
He needs IC to deal with his past trauma, then he needs to start taking responsibility for his outcomes/situations.
If he refuses IC, then you may have to make the tough decision that’s best for you and your kids.
Ok, I’m not trying to pick on the guy, but at some point he has to see that he’s the common demononator.
If your bank account gets drained 7 times in two years…..it’s because you’re doing something irresponsible with it. If your car is constantly getting broken into, its likely because you’re leaving valuable things in plain site. If people are constantly fucking with him in public, it’s likely because of something he’s doing.
Once you stop assuming that things “just happen to him”, and start looking for things you can change to get those things to stop, the sooner they will stop…
Based on what you said, this is your husband’s fault, just not in a moral, “cosmic karma” kind of way. He chooses extremely risky activities (motorcycle) and engages with bad friends who ask for his help and give nothing in return. I’m guessing that he actually should close his bank account because his info has long been leaked, so it’s going to be a constant source of problems. I’m guessing it got this way because he got careless with leaking his info out there.
Maybe help him see that sometimes, for the sake of his family, the best choices have nothing to do with “good” and “bad,” but “risky” vs. “not risky.”