We’ve been living together for 2 years and our tenancy agreement ends in October. We are still deciding where we want to move after this.
Our relationship has had many great moments and I do consider him to be my best friend. I do love him and I do hate the thought of breaking up. However, I feel he emotionally abuses me and it’s been prevalent off and on throughout our entire relationship. He’s currently doing his masters in music which is amazing but also stressful since he works as well. The stress has been getting to him for the last few months and I feel I’ve been copping it as a result. I’m sick of his better than everyone else attitude and constant criticism of me. I’m sick of being yelled at and having huge arguments over petty things. He’s always been on the critical side and I have thought of leaving before but it’s just got so much worse recently. And nothing I say really gets through. He may be kind and patient for a few days if he feels he’s in the wrong but then he’s back at having a go at me. And he never does this to anybody else which gets me too. I don’t see a future with him and could not bring children into this world with him.
Problem is, logistics. I wish I could just go an on OE for a year but that’s not going to happen. My parents live in a different city and I could stay with them for a while but I am expected to work in the office at least 1 day per week…..though I feel my company would be a little flexible for me as they have in the past.
I also partake in martial arts which he got me into and it’s my biggest hobby, however if I leave him, I will not be able to continue going to the club I love going to and that really sucks as I’ve improved a lot.
Also is it mean to not break up in person? I’m thinking of leaving a note. He may go to his cousins place for the weekend in a few weeks so that would be my time. But I also feel super mean just leaving a note. But I know if I do it in person he may throw my clothes around, verbally abuse etc.
Another option is wait till closer to October when our rent is due to end and do it then and plan to move in with his parents (they’ve offered as they need the money and have a large house). That way I would still be paying rent for a while which is fairer for him.
What is the best way around all of this I guess is what I’m asking.
TLDR: really thinking of leaving my boyfriend but I don’t have a lot of money and logistically it’s not doable. How to work around this?
6 comments
It sounds like this is doable, but you’re scared and overwhelmed, which makes sense. Try breaking things into steps. I would first ask your work about going fully remote. And then if they agree, ask your parents if you can stay with themfor a while. Pack up during that weekend you’ve
Identified, and leave a note. You could always follow up afterwards with a phone call, if you believe he deserves a call.
If you have any reason at all to think he might become violent when you leave, please call your local domestic violence hotline for advice and support.
He abuses you. You need to think about yourself first and foremost. Move out and leave a note. Go stay with your parents, you will have to give up martial arts for a while, but that’s life.
Talk to your work, talk to your parents and move in with them for now while you figure everything else out.
Abusive partners throws out the normal rules of etiquette out the window, you subjecting yourself to his abuse isn’t helpful to anyone.
>Another option is wait till closer to October when our rent is due to end and do it then and plan to move in with his parents (they’ve offered as they need the money and have a large house). That way I would still be paying rent for a while which is fairer for him.
Wait, you want to move in with HIS parents? How would that work?
You’re being abused. You’re describing the cycle of abuse where it gets bad, then he backs down and it gets better but then very shortly the pressure builds up again and there’s another instance of abuse. Leaving the abuser is the most dangerous time so be very careful. You don’t owe him anything. Be safe lady.
Yes, it is ok to leave a note to break up with an abuser. If his response to you doing anything he doesn’t like is to be scary and verbally abuse you, he doesn’t deserve an explanation.
Please consider therapy after you break up. You have a very low bar for calling someone a best friend.
He is cruel to you when it suits him to be. Do whatever gets you out with the least trouble for YOU.