**This is a question for men in general, but also on my specific situation.**
**I (33F) have a BF (41M) who hasn’t been to the doctor for a regular check-up in his whole adult life.**
He’s gone to the ER to have specific injuries treated on occasion (such as getting stitches for a cut) but never any preventative health screenings, bloodwork, etc.
**I feel like now that he’s over 40, a standard checkup would be really useful, even if it’s just as a benchmark for future labwork. He doesn’t want to get one and insists there’s no reason because he’s healthy and feels fine**, never gets sick and so on. My argument is – okay, but you’re middle-aged now. It’s easy to feel healthy, strong and full of energy when you’re a young man in the prime of your life. You’re at the end of that now (probably a hard pill to swallow). We are hoping to start having children soon and imo he should get checked out before we starting trying just to make sure everything’s good.
In my experience of men I know, this is a very common mentality – women go to the doctors regularly (we’re used to it because of having to see the OBGYN annually and so on) and some men are stubbornly resistant to going. Why? Is this some kind of affront to their manhood? Or are they afraid of finding bad results? Maybe they don’t want to have to admit they need to change their lifestyle/ bad habits?
At first I was being harsh about it because I feel this is unfair of him to refuse to go. When we have children, I will be frequently getting healthcare services during the pregnancy, birth, postpartum and then taking the children to their appointments and so on. Now I am trying to be more thoughtful and consider WHY he has a resistance to going. Maybe there’s a deeper emotional/psychological barrier that needs to be addressed.
**So guys, how often do you go to the doctor for general checkups? Have you found it to be useful (even if you thought you were “healthy”)? Do you have any insight as to why some men might be so hesitant to go and what could change their mind?**
30 comments
Once a year for my GP is a must imo. I see specialists once a year as well.
Some people are unreasonably fearful of doctors. Some have had bad experiences. Regardless, getting seen yearly is sound advice but I’m not sure if anything you say will change that. My father (and FIL) see their doctors but don’t follow their advice; often times they try to reason their way out of it but it basically boils down to fear. If healthcare options are available to someone then NOT taking advantage of it is foolish.
Unfortunately both have been suffering chronic pain over the past 20 years and it’s not going to end nicely.
I’m hoping you’re able to make a difference in his decision
My poor mental health and issues in life enabled me to ignore pain when shitting, blood in my stool and swollen lymph nodes in my groin area for the past 2 years.
I potentially have cancer and I await results.
Procrastinate writing a book, procrastinate learning how to ride a unicycle, procrastinate learning a language but please do not procrastinate when it comes to your health.
Mental and physical.
GP aint gonna tell me shit I dont already know. If its serious I just skip the middleman and go straight to a specialist. I wish I could order my own lab tests and save the money required for a PCP visit. Pretty unnecessary IMO
Never been for a check up. I’m almost 40.
You can tell your guy that a routine blood panel ordered by my internist revealed an elevated PHI (prostate health index), which led to early detection of prostate cancer, which probably saved my life. If I’d had your bf’s aversion to regular check-in exams I might be dead by now.
Honestly, I regularly see the man in the mirror to give him a look deep in the eyes and say in my best Dolph Lundgren imitation: “if he dies, he dies” then shrug and keep going.
I go yearly for general blood work and to discuss anything.
Annual physical is a must, especially in our 40’s.
Never.
Never, but I have never had health insurance or enough money to see a doctor except in emergency situations.
Living in UK. I honestly didn’t think you could go for a “checkup.” What are they going to check? They can’t check everything!
I only go if there is a symptom. A persistent, debilitating symptom. Experience has taught me that if it’s anything else they will palm you off with painkillers, eardrops, or hydrocortisone.
I haven’t had a full checkup since I was a teenager (35 now). This has been from a combination of feeling fine and not having health insurance for many years
The delay now is just getting started I suppose. I don’t really know what to consider in finding a GP other than close proximity to where I live
Pretty soon it’ll be colonoscopy time.
And that, we must say, is awesome.
You finally get to use the bathroom for as long as you want without being scolded, you get a nice room for the day of the procedure, then there’s a little nap, usually they hook you up with a robe afterwards, somebody brings you a bran muffin and you get driven home.
It’s like going to the spa.
The only part that’s kinda lame is if they find a polyp, they don’t let you keep it like it was a wisdom tooth.
Once a year with my GP or as issues arise, I usually throw my back out once a year at least, and maybe something else pops up here or there.
Once a year with my Nephrologist as I have kidney problems as long as I stay on track I only need to see him once a year
I will probably add a specialist for my back here in the next few days actually as it’s starting to go out more frequently and I want to prevent it from further deteriorating. In fact if I can get into the doctor tomorrow to get my back looked at and get some meds for it I will also be getting stuff in order to go see a back specialist
I’ll see my urologist if an issue arises with my kidneys that my doctor needs her to take care of but at this point all the routine check ups are with my nephrologist
Forming a relationship with a doctor is one of the best things I did in my 30s. Having someone who knows about your health history and that can assess new issues is amazing. For example, a couple of weeks ago my ear/jaw was in really bad pain every night but I would wake up fine and forget about it until it happened again the next night. After a few days of this, I called, got a same-day appointment, got diagnosed with TMJ, received a prescription, and now it is fine. Without a doctor, I would have either lived with it or made an urgent care appointment and had to pay an exorbitant copay instead of the couple of bucks that seeing my PCP costs. And because my doctor knows me she knows I’m not just there to get pain medication but that I actually am in pain. I’m not sure an urgent care physician would think the same.
2019 I had a medical exam for my green card, and I’ve been meaning to make an appt for the past few years but I haven’t gotten around to it. No reason other than laziness and there’s nothing ER worthy.
you guys have doctors??
I go every 6 months, mainly because I am diabetic and that’s what is required.
For your boyfriend at 41, I would highly recommend that he go at least once a year to check up on his body. He may think everything is going well, but at 40 your body starts to break down and only accelerate the issues that you may have had previously.
Any bad habits just become that much worse in your 40s and onward!.
My health insurance covers a yearly check up with my GP. I get my bloodwork done and discuss any issues I’m feeling with my doctor, or stuff I want to discuss. This year I’m probably going to get a sperm count as well. It costs me nothing, I get an update on my health, and I take a day off work. I have no idea why so many men don’t do their regular check ups.
At 41 I was going somewhere between 7 and 10 months per year. Now 55, I go every 3-4 months. My late wife cared more about my health. When I lost her to cancer my doctor cared more about my health than me. Now it’s mostly whatever he recommends.
But to answer your question, we don’t like showing we are weak. I had sleep apnea, long before I was overweight. I refused to get tested because I didn’t want to seem weak in front of our children. After much “nagging” I finally did. I sleep better now.
Ultimately though it was my late wife. She found a lump at 41 in a place I didn’t usually check. Went into remission but the nasty fuckrt came back at 46 and took her at 47, leaving me with a 12 and 16 year old. Better believe I took care of myself as the only parent.
What really got me is when I approached ages my grandfather, father and uncle suffered health setbacks I became incredibly anal during Covid, so anal my germaphobe grandfather would have been proud.
My grandfather had his first heart attack in his 40s. While today’s treatment would have been more than just rest, it left him weakened. His son, my uncle died from pancreatic cancer at 53, so I have nervous about cancer (it runs on that side). I was partially relieved when I outlived him, shocked how young that really was. My dad died from a heart attack at 56. And while I am sure he would have survived with modern treatment it scares me that I will reach his death age in less than a year — so young.
My uncle’s death is the one that really bothers me. He was healthy and it was seemingly random. No matter, I am now much more attentive. The colonoscopy and finding polyps at 50 was what it was, finding more at 55 sucked. I’m now on the every three year butt plan. Poop.
As rarely as possible. I’m not dying, so I don’t think I need it. It’s a total hassle and a total annoyance.
I’m not sold on the concept of preventative care. If I get sick, I’ll deal with it then. Why should I care?
Every three months for my adderal. Once a year labs and blood work.
Someone I know got a Regular check up…whicy led to an EKG which led to a stress test which lead to an angiogram which led to a 5x CABG (bypass). Had they found those blockages “the hard way” who knows when it woulda happened and more importantly who knows if they would have lived.
Tell him it’s his life to live and it’s his life to lose, and you’d prefer him to live it, but if he wants to lose it you’re not here to convince him.
I go yearly. It’s super easy and ensures that I don’t have any signs of cancer or whatever. The appointment takes like 10 minutes. Hell the lab that does the bloodwork even set up online scheduling rather than first come first serve, so now even that only takes like 10 minutes.
Is he scared of what they’ll find? My mom just about refuses to go to the doctor and it infuriates me because she had cancer. Now it’s like she’s certain it’ll be back and jist doesn’t want to know.
Yeah….so not a guy over 30 but married to one. It’s absolute BS that you need to do this stuff but frankly my husband just doesn’t remember it. There’s no deep psychological reason, no barrier, it’s literally “this is a pain in the ass to remember” and since he hasn’t had the gate keeping of anti-baby pills his entire adult hood it’s not a thing on his radar.
I just started scheduling his Dr’s appointments back to back with mine (we see the same PCP) and now he attends them regularly.
I haven’t gone in years. It has nothing to do with my manhood. Most of my problems are from poor lifestyle and posture. It doesn’t seem right to ask for help with my health when I can’t bring myself to take proper care of myself. I don’t want to waste a physician’s time. Plus it just sucks to have to deal with prior authorizations and explaining to a 24 year old nurse recording your vitals that you’re in the office because of a sore testicle. It doesn’t exactly take the sting of humiliation away when she stifles a laugh in response.
38 here, I go twice a year. I’m overweight (boy is THAT underselling it) and on blood pressure medication already, so I go to keep an eye on things as best I can. Really, if I just lose ~~65~~ a couple of pounds, I could cut it back to once a year and call it satisfactory.
You got some eye opening responses. I’m amazed at how many medical experts there are walking around
Once a year.
The brilliant and talented Warren Zevon was adamantly against going to the doctor and died at 55 of a highly preventable form of cancer that a routine checkup would have revealed.