I recently had to distance myself from my best friend of years. We initially became friends due to shared struggles, but as I grew to overcome these struggles and she didn’t, she started becoming increasingly toxic till it’s reached a breaking point.

Pulling away from her has made me realise that I don’t really have any true close friends. I’m 20, and while I have a few good friends I can banter and share personal things with, I don’t have friends I can really go out one-on-one with, can text anytime I have struggles etc. I compare myself to my boyfriend, whose had the same best friend since he was 7 or 8, and I feel like a complete loner. I only get texts from group chats, never private messages.

I wonder if there’s something wrong with me, or if I’m just aiming for something that most people don’t have. I’m often told I come off as intimidating, but once I get past that initial impression people find me good to talk to, I can built decent, if superficial rapport with others easily. So why is it that I have no true close friends? Is it that having a handful of close friends I can trust wholeheartedly is just an unrealistic pipe dream? Or is it just me?

TL;DR lost my best friend and that made me realise I don’t have really close friends. Wonder if that’s normal, or if there’s something wrong with me.

4 comments

  2. I’m in a very similar position to you, and I’m trying to figure out how to go from good friendships to great ones.

    I made the choice to pull back from a couple of close friendships which became very one sided. I’m happy I did it but it leaves a big void. It can sometimes feel lonely, even though you’re not actually alone because of the friendships you do have.

  3. I think I’d be curious about why you’re regarded as “intimidating?” I don’t know many people I’d put in that category, not even men, so what *might* cause that label are: rarely smiling or ‘resting angry face,’ an argumentative type of conversational style (trying to ‘win’ rather than trying to ‘have fun,’), or just overall being loud, aggressive, or maybe even “honest to a fault,” (ie saying things that are better off left unsaid.) So if this is being said to you by more than one person, I’d be tempted to schedule a coffee with one of them. Tell them you’re starting a ‘journey of self-improvement,’ and you’re looking for some constructive feedback on your personal style. And ask, “Why do people consider me ‘intimidating?’

    Beyond that there are certain qualities that people find appealing in a friendship, some of which I’ve outlined in this article:

    ###[Do YOU Have Good Friendship Traits?](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/13jp5gv/pick_me_do_you_have_good_friendship_traits/)

  4. Damn this really rings home for me. Similar situation with a best friend last year and now I’ve realized I don’t have that many other close friends.

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