So I’m single, not looking to get into any committed relationship for now, and have been having the urge to have sex.
However, I’ve never had casual sex before and I’m not sure whether that suit me. But honestly, I last time I had sex were like 6 years ago with my ex and my urges just kept increasing as my age goes up.
How did you guys get into casual sex? Was it weird at first that someone you don’t really know are touching you? Im just trying to weigh the pros and cons and decide whether to have casual sex since I’m not looking to get into any serious relationship any time soon ><
24 comments
If all else fails, self pleasuring is great too
Personally I don’t believe that there is such a thing as “casual sex”. All sex is meaningful and has some impact on you. That impact varies but it still means something to you.
That being said, I know it’s quite easy for a lady like yourself to hang out in a club and find anything. Just be careful about who you’re selecting to spend your evening with lol.
I know it was mentioned, but masturbation is a great way to get more comfortable with sexuality too.
These are just my rambling thoughts 🙂
Personally, as a guy, yes, it was a bit weird and took some getting used to, I have only ever been monogamous until a few months ago when my gf and i decided on ENM, if im being honest, im still getting used to it, but its better than masturbation, as after a while of that, it just doesnt hit righr compared to sex
Casual sex isn’t for everyone as some people need to know the other person to feel comfortable and relaxed during. With that said you might want to give it a try if you’ve never done it, you might end up connecting with the person you choose. Or maybe there’s a friend you’ve never really thought of in that way that you could approach for a fwb situation?
Iv never gone looking for sex . If it happens it happens. At the moment iv been playing with 4 different girls
Casual sex sucks and it’s so unfulfilling, at least find a fuck buddy you have a connection with, doesn’t have to turn into more than that.
Casual sex is cool when you’re both on the same page. DON’T GO TO THE CLUB for casual sex, club guys are typically f*ck boys, only out to continuously hook up completely emotionally unavailable, loose and nasty/dirty.
Find someone at the gym, grocery store, library, out at a classy day party or just when you’re out having fun with your girls or solo. Find someone you likely can trust to safeguard your health and feelings in case you get attached bc as someone else said, sex is never just casual… You exchange energy and imprints you’ll live with for a lifetime (or longer), spiritually speaking.
Make sure he’s clean (disease free; yes, have him get tested) and be clear about your desires upfront. Also, communicate changes if and when they happen and move on if things get too serious and you’re not ready. Be firm, hold your ground, find someone you can trust.
Your body, your temple 🙏🏾🏯
I found casual sex draining. Emotionally physically and spirituality. Rather just date or a fwb.
Oh and yes u can be friends and fuck and stay friends. I have 2 that are that way. And have been for 5 or more years
Don’t have casual sex, there’s nothing but hurt feelings and a bad time there. 10/10 times it won’t even be good.
Casual sex can be really fun if you meet the right person. Try going on dates and just decide in the moment whether you want to try sleeping with them or not.
Very weird at first, I was celibate for 5 years after the breakdown of my long term relationship. I am morbidly obese and a very ugly woman, not just saying that, like I’m actually reallly really fat and ugly and I honestly thought NoOne would ever wanna touch me again and my days of sex were over and I was only 35. Then one of my friends got me onto hookup apps and encouraged me to just put myself out there. I did it. It was a bumpy road, I didn’t get many matches, I flaked out a lot before I finally met with someone for sex and the first few times I did it I felt gross and not even like a woman anymore and didn’t relax or get involved in the experience much, but just doing that badly a few times sort of opened me up a bit because the guys weren’t being repulsed by me like I thought they were. Well I discovered that there’s a whole heap of guys out there who like different kinds of women like me and after a while I just let myself go a bit and started allowing myself to get more involved and enjoy having sex again. I recommend just keeping it purely about hookups for a while as this is the easiest thing to get and you can ease yourself back in until you find one that wants to do it semi regularly and hopefully in a few months or a year or two even, you will be ready again to look for more. I don’t want another full on relationship again for a long time (if ever) because my last one nearly killed me, but I have a range of semi regular lovers now, one in each age range 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s and I’m having the best sex of my life that I never in my wildest dreams could of imagined I’d ever be doing. Just do it, have a thick shell, don’t take everything personal, don’t hide in your shell if a guy isn’t as keen as you’d like, just go to the next and repeat until you get yourself back again.
Well welcome aboard my ship. I had a brief relationship (4)years that ended and he was the one with a high drive. It then quiet (urges) on his end and I started increasing mine. So I never missed sex till it was gone. Now its gone I keep getting more and more urges. With my age I figured it would not get up anymore or I would be so blind I couldn’t find anything to do with it. So how’s about you ….have any ideas as I just want to screw and go back to what ever I was doing. 
What is your definition/perception of “casual sex”?
I have always had casual sex. I would make 1-3 really close friends and we all kind of do it until someone has a relationship. I like a little bit of a flirty connection so it’s not so blah p in the v. Don’t do it if you’re not interested. Buy an amazing dildo, clit sucker, and vibrator to go to town on yourself.
Take some time to get to know a potential partner. However, today, people say anything online, so in the end, you don’t know what’s real or not.
If you need an emotional connection first, don’t do casual sex. Even if you find someone who cares about your pleasure, they leave after it’s done, don’t call or text the next day to see how you’re doing. It’s about sex only nothing else. I have a hard time giving myself entirely to someone just to not hear back for weeks or ever again. Not very satisfying really. Oh, plus the worry of sti’s if you engage in oral stuff or sex without condoms (don’t do this!)
From my point of view, and I am a male, the problem is not that how I am touched, but the opposite, how can I touch the girl? — for men the real exciting is touching a tit, nipples, boobs, pussy, etc. But somehow you have to start with this. The girl’s touching is just an answer to the men’s activities – and it is usually pleasurable. With prostitutes this is different a bit. They usually start with blowjob – what is again a pleasurable experience. Dick will get hard, and the real sex session can start.
Don’t get into it…it’s not worth it. You will be wasting time, and emotional health depletes further. It’s a very intimate act and you are establishing a soul connection, that’s why it’s hard for PPL to move on. I agree sexual urges can be hard to control, but there are ways to practice self control.
Basically, stop the thoughts immediately with certain physical movements like exercise or play worship songs if u are a believer, or play a funny video. Have a plan for your day n keep challenges in schedule like learning something new. Which will keep u busy.
Try all things till u build discipline.
What do you define as “having sex”?
It’s a slippery slope. You desensitize to intimacy in a way. I couldn’t do it anymore.
Omg….your inbox.
What’s casual sex lol is it random sex or sex with strangers!
Casual sex is not for everyone, but it’s great if you find a dynamic that works for you.
I’m like you, no interest in getting into a serious relationship. When I was on the apps, Tinder & Bumble worked great for me, I would look for people who weren’t looking for “long term” or “friends”. Not specifically the “short term” people, because they were overly forward about only meeting for hookups. It’s better to go on more dates, build up some kind of rapport before taking things further, and I find that helps with the awkwardness of having a stranger touch you. It definitely takes a lot of time and energy to find someone that meets your requirements, but everything takes effort.
Stay safe, and have fun!
I met people on the apps and specifically told them up front that I was looking for a sex buddy. Then I met with them in person at a public place. I specifically told them the first meeting was just to check if we had chemistry, not for sex. I told them that if that plan doesn’t work for them or they feel like it’s a waste of time I totally understand and respect their decision.
If they agreed to go, I always paid for my share of anything we drank/ate bc it’s not a date. I actually always showed up early and paid for my stuff in cash up front so I could leave immediately if I started to feel unsafe. This keeps the guy from being able to follow me bc he has to stay and settle his tab.
IMHO, the most important part of this to me was that I stuck to my boundary of not having sex with them the same day of this first meeting. It was important to me to set this boundary and see how they responded to it. I only moved forward with them if there was mutual interest AND they responded gracefully to me not having sex on the day of the first meeting. Bc if they can’t take a no gracefully in a public place, then I don’t feel safe to be alone with them.
There were quite a few men who got angry at me for not having sex with them the first time we met even though that’s what they had agreed to. I unmatched those men (and they couldn’t contact me if they even wanted to bc I don’t give anyone my phone # until after the first meeting).
But the men who did respond gracefully and with whom there was mutual interest have all been wonderful men with whom I’ve had great fulfilling sex. Some of them I’ve continued to have sex with for years.
This system has helped me avoid any dangerous situations. Maybe it’s a bit overboard with the precautions, but I work with sex abuse survivors for a job so I see the worst of the worst and it makes me a little extra cautious. I’m ok with missing out on some men that might have been fine if it also means missing out on some men that would have treated me badly.
I would look into getting a toy maybe if that would work better than a casual hookup.