Can someone please provide any explanation why my bf (25yo) would go soft when NOT wearing a condom. He goes soft multiple times while having sex, even while he’s inside of me. It’s very frustrating. I asked him about it but he just shrugs it off.

31 comments

  1. Are you on BC? I only ask because it could be nerves. If he’s concerned realistically or not about getting you pregnant then he could be getting stuck in his own nervousness and losing his erection?

    Does he stay hard without a condom if you stick to manual or oral sex?

  2. I’ve actually been with a guy and experienced this before, and I think he was so nervous about accidentally cumming inside of me to the point that he couldn’t fully enjoy sex without a condom.

  3. He’s probably terrified of knocking you up. Even if you’re on bc, many people hear about the 1% failure rate and lose their minds

  4. Any chance it has to do with blood flow? He puts the condom on while hard and the base of the condom might just be cutting off blood the right amount to help maintain some hardness?

    Going soft during sex is a different problem, is it nerves maybe?

  5. Totally in his head, and either about you getting knocked up, or he has a thing about fluids. He may not fully understand it himself.

  6. FEAR of pregnancy. Fear of stds even with trust that fear is there. Simple difference in feel. Or something else in his brain going off distracting him which doesn’t happen with a condom on. Like what his parents told him for years what would happen. I’d say 90% mental block.

  10. Is he extra sensitive? Sometimes, if a guy feels like he’s going to cum but stops it, it’s difficult to stay hard the rest of the time. Maybe the condom reduces sensitivity so that he can simply stay hard and enjoy the session without worrying about whether he is going to cum or trying to hold it back

  11. Maybe the condom is to tight. If you guys wish to try without a condom . Look into cock rings !

  12. If the condoms are tight on him, they can function like a cock ring and help keep things hard. Or as others have said it could be anxiety. Sti and pregnancy stuff was all up in my head in bed when I was around your age.

  13. Lots of good ideas here. I think blood flow could be worth exploring but at his age and assuming no major health problems that are known to contribute to the issue, I would make a guess that maybe somehow it’s a turn on for him to wear a condom.

    Kinks are strange, ya know? It could be that some of his first sexual exploration involved playing with a condom and it gets him to 100% turned on and hard regularly now. And without a condom he doesn’t get his buttons pushed the same way.

    I would just have straight talk. Tell him what you’ve noticed. But don’t let him shrug it off. A lot of people are shy to admit their kinks are turn ons. You can help out partners by asking them leading questions (open ended) so you can have a conversation. Here are some ideas:

    “I noticed you get and stay super hard with a condom…I love it. Can you help me understand why that is? I’d like to know, because I like knowing what turns you on and how I can bring you lots of pleasure. Did you I used to play with condoms a lot?

    Or maybe it’s not that condoms turn you ON so much, but that pregnancy fear takes over if you aren’t wearing one”

  14. Two things. First, he may be afraid of getting you pregnant. Second, condoms are hella tight at the base – could try using a cock ring instead and see how that works.

  15. possibly in his head? same thing as women that cant orgasm from their partners because they cant let themselves go enough to enjoy it. He might be in his head about having to make sure he doesnt finish too quickly, and its causing him to lose the excitement. And in the condom maybe thats not an issue? could be other things of course but i wouldnt be surprised if its this, and he may not even realize its a mental thing.

  18. Sounds like he’s subconsciously worried about getting you pregnant. Could be he was conditioned to believe that from improper education about sex.I knew a guy that was so conditioned by a priest that he believed that if he looked at a female in an impure way that she would get pregnant

  19. He could have ED. And the condom is just acting as a cock ring to keep it hard.

    Buy him a cock-ring.

  20. The condom is too tight and doesn’t let blood flow out when it normally would.

  21. This has happened to my husband. Like some others have said, it could be the fear of getting you pregnant. I know that was the case with my husband since we aren’t ready for another yet, so sometimes he would get in his head.

  22. The only explanation to me.. is that he has a gigantic condom fetish. The sooner you confront him on this the better.

  23. It’s all about blood flow…when a man is aroused blood flows to his penis making him erect…if the condom is to tight at the base the blood gets trapped and builds pressure so he can stay hard because the blood is trapped somewhat, when he takes off the condom all the blood flows quickly back into the body which makes him soft again…tie a rubber band around your finger, the finger will start to change color because the blood is having trouble circulating, as soon as you take the rubber band off your finger color will return to normal immediately….it’s the same concept! A cockring will do the same thing at the base without the use of a condom, or he needs to get use to not having the pressure at the base anymore, if he has always used condoms that are to small his body has adapted to it and it will take time for his body to unlearn it.

  24. Could be nerves about ejaculating or could be that he’s very sensitive and the condom helps mitigate oversensitivity (this was the case for one previous partner of mine)

  25. My ex use to have this happen. It could be a nerve thing or even a sensitivity thing.

  26. This is just a personal situation that happened to me, not saying this could be the reason just saying it happened to me, this girl was at my house a girl I’d flirted with in the past but never did anything with, and she said put on some porn I told her no cause I’d get all horny and uncomfortable , she said let’s fuck well, I said I got the condoms and she said ooooh I don’t really like condoms. Now when she said let’s fuck well, I instantly had a halfer, but once she said she didn’t like condoms, I never full boned

  27. My boyfriend says condoms make suction spot on his dick that makes him cum faster. It’s crazy. He lasts longer without them.

  29. He might have pregnancy anxiety. I really doubt it has anything to do with you. Some guys start thinking about the possibility of getting you pregnant, so, instead of focusing on the fact he’s having sex with you right now, his mind is horror baby land, and this kills his erection. I think it’s been said, but that’s probably it.

  30. I think he was so nervous about accidentally cumming inside of me to the point that he couldn’t fully enjoy sex without a condom.

  31. Anxiousness, if he is used to it, it might just be hard to make changes. Also some people are traumatized with the idea of catching a STD. The brain and dick are getting hard together.

    I can lose my erection sometimes if I think of something very stressful during sex.

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