I met my bf online (have never met in person) because of the distance and we have been dating for a year now. We are in our mid 20s. We are comfortable with each other and we can talk about basically everything. He is also honest about this past relationships and his sex life. He had sex with his ex gfs (sometimes with condom, sometimes not) and a couple of one night stands. That was before we are together and I’m ok with that, it’s in the past. Right now we are getting serious and we also talk about seeing/meeting each other and be together for real. A few days ago, when we were on the talk about sex, i asked him if he has ever got himself checked (tested) and he got upset at me, questioning me if I’m not sure of him and if i dont want sex if he doesnt get tested. I told him several times that i didn’t mean to offend him and didn’t mean anything negative with my question. I’m purely just wondering about this matter because I’m a virgin and i don’t have experience in this, besides reading article/post on the internet about this matter. I told him that’s one way to make sure that the sex is safe. I also said it multiple times that I’m sure of him thats why I’m here talking about this matter and told him that being safe is not a matter of sure or not sure; it’s a fact, not an opinion. I tried to calmly talk to him, but he didn’t seem to buy my explanation. I honestly got surprised that he got upset at me, because i thought we could have this kind of convo between us and be open to talk about this. He got upset and said the F curse word and he didn’t reply to my message. I even apologized if my question offended him in any way. But he hasn’t messaged me again. It’s only been two days but i feel so lost. I just wanted to express my feelings and thoughts but i feel like he didn’t get me. Should i try to message him first? But ngl i was upset when he suddenly cursed and left me like that.
TL;DR my boyfriend got upset because i asked him if he ever got tested and he hasnt replied my message
5 comments
This is a massive red flag. This is a dumping offense. He does not care about your safety. He flat-out does not care. On a side note, before you have sex with someone, you should both get tested. While you are much less likely to have something, there are various STIs that also have non-sexual methods of spread. You should also discuss whether you have each had the HPV vaccine, and whether either of you has ever had warts or cold sores (symptoms of HPV and herpes) or any other known issues. Mind you, having had warts does not mean you necessarily are a danger to anyone. I had finger warts as a kid, which apparently is not one of the cancerous strains, plus the body usually clears HPV within 5 years, so it wasn’t even relevant by the time I started having sex. But it’s good to be open and upfront about what each of you know about your status, so you can each decide for yourself what level of risk you want to take.
He’s out of line. It’s normal to want to get tested. You can never take someone’s word that they don’t have an STI, because sometimes they don’t even know? This is 2023. I’d be very wary of someone who reacts this defensively to a totally normal request for STI tests before sex.
DO NOT GET IN BED WITH THAT BOY GIRL IF HE WONT, he will say all kinda stuff to trick you “if you loved me you wouldn’t ask me to do that” type of stuff.
Have respect for yourself
and your body
You have worth
and some things are forever…. (Herpes?)
While the “love” you feel currently
Won’t be …. Good luck
– past LDR fool 🙂
Don’t share body fluids with this person. He’s not concerned with your safety and comfort. Huge red flag
Anybody that gets upset when you ask them about testing, should automatically be the person you walk way from for good. I wish this was a firm hardline for everyone in the world. But stds are at a high. So apparently not. Never sleep or engage in any kind of touching, especially genital, or fluid swapping with someone who refuses to get tested, that means that they either know they have something or they suspect that they do. You’ve never met this man, it should stay that way.