Can’t keep a friend

2 comments

1. I’m sorry, that sounds like it sucks. Social dynamics in school are hard. ,😥

   It could be anything really, but you might have missed some social cues early on when meeting them, or said something wrong to one of the influencial people in the group.

   There’s 2 approaches – you could go search for another group, one where you have more in common – this would mean putting yourself out there in areas you’re interested in. Extracurricular activities, particilating more in class, and jumping in on conversations you hear on topics you’re interested in..

   Or you could double-down on this group socially and see what comes of it.

   Eitherway, here’s some tips and tricks:
   1) Pretty much everyone has a fear of rejection.
   2) Start a 1:1 conversation with someone else who looks like they’re on the sidelines of the group, they might be an introvert and feel more comfortable 1:1
   3) Ask about them. Their interests, if theyve got plans on the weekend, if the play a sport ask about that, any extracurricular activities they do. Get them talking and show them they’re interesting by laughing along, commiserating, make small listening sounds and keep them talking. At the end of the conversation they’ll leave feeling better because they’ve spent time taling about themselves.
   Work your way around the group this way, 1 person a day, and each person you’ve connected with like this make sure you smile and make some small comment to them each day after.
   4) Look people in the eyes when you smile 😁
   5) Straight up ask if you can join when they are discussing doing things. (And when approaching new people do this!)

   Things to watch out for:
   – small smiles that dont reach people’s eyes – this means they want to stop talking.
   – not looking you in the eyes back – they’re uncomfortable in some way
   – personal space – don’t stand too close to them or lean into their face too much – this is relative, if you’re already sitting together at lunch you could turn to them with tour shoulders or lean to show something on your phone but there should generally be about 2ft of space between your chest and theirs.

   I really hope this helps you! Let us know how you get on 🙂
   Remember – school is hard! Go easy on yourself – you just need to find your tribe! ❤️

2. Well, why should people be your friends ? Being lonely is not a valid reason. People interact with you when there is a reason to do so. Merely being kind, respectful, etc., are not traits that people necessarily look for, although you should have them. Are you a fun and exciting person to be around ? Do you impact or bring any value to other people ?

   Most people want to be around somebody with exhibits good social skills. So How are your conversations with other people ? Do you have good social skills ? Do you listen to people when they speak, and do you speak when it is your turn to do so ? Oh, and when it is your turn to speak, do you speak with confidence and bring positive energy ? Or are you anxious and quiet ? All of these things are what people notice about you. You need to be exhibiting social skills right from the start. If you aren’t doing so, then you will be perceived as antisocial and you can’t expect people to include you into things. In general, Nobody cares why you are antisocial; they just make the judgement that you aren’t somebody they want to be around. You are how you act. Period.

   Most people also like somebody who actively works towards something in life and accomplishes things in life such as goals, hobbies, skills, talents, etc. You need to establish yourself in something i.e. get good or excellent at something that people value or desire, and build a good reputation. Respecting others is fine. But you yourself need to act and carry yourself in a respectable way. People should actually respect you.