I(21M) had a gf(21F) for almost 5 years with whom i was pretty serious with.Long story short,we were highschool sweethearts and loved each other a lot and we were gonna marry each other.Our families knew about us dating,and my family had even accepted her as future DIL of the house.I would have given my life for her if she asked for it and she would have given hers for me,that’s how much we were in love.
Then 4 months ago,she had to move to Australia alone for her masters.She lived with 5 roommates who became her close friends.We still loved each other a lot and used to talk daily but we had our usual fights,but as time passed(around 1 month),it became harder to solve the fights and we were going through a rough patch.The reason for our fights was that she started attending house parties which also had guys in it and i was concerned for her well-being as i know not everyone has good intentions and i didn’t want her to get hurt.In one major fight,i told her i cannot do this anymore and i want a break;We both knew this meant that i am angry with her and we haven’t broken up as we had taken breaks before from each other which meant having personal space for a few days.
One of these days,one of her roommates sent me videos of her laying next to a guy,and some other stuff like that,which implied she could be cheating on me but i wasn’t sure about it.The roommate had told me not to tell anyone she sent me those videos.We had a massive fight.She said that she was high,and didn’t realize he was next to her(an obvious lie) and the videos were taken out of context.She said that we were on a break and lots of other shit.Then suddenly the next day,the roommate called me infront of my girlfriend and said she was just joking around because she(roommate) got drunk and was playing a prank and said the videos were taken in a wrong context.But i believe the roommate was forced by my girlfriend and other roommates to change her statement. The roommate and my girlfriend both apologized for their mistakes and we started working on our relationship again,but after a few days she started being distant and wouldn’t talk to me as much.I was feeling something was off but didn’t know how to bring it up.She would reply to my messages very late and sometimes not pickup my calls.We had each other’s instagram but she logged me out of her account.Similar shit happened throughout the weeks.
I took my gf’s account back because i was having issues trusting her again and said this was needed to build trust,but one of these days i unblocked the guy which was seen with my gf and a few days later he was sending couple posts to my gf.When i asked my gf about this,she said that she doesn’t know why he’s doing this and would block him,but i would unblock him and he would continue to send couple posts.
Then a few weeks ago,i received a video from 2 months ago from an anonymous account of the same guy holding a phone and holding my gf and and kissing her on the cheeks.I asked my girlfriend whether something happened between her and the guy from before,but she said no as they weren’t in contact anymore.I sent her the video and told her that i know she cheated on me,but she said that the video is 2 months old and she was high and drunk in that video.The video is infact 2 months old as there are datestamps but she doesn’t look drunk or high in that video.She said she kinda knew what happened but was too scared to bring it up as she didn’t want to ruin our relationship.She said that it was the most that happened between them and they did not sleep together.
She later found out the guy had sent that video to me via an anonymous account to me.She fought with the guy and later the guy messaged me that whatever happened was when they both were high and my gf was loyal to me but it feels like bullshit to me.
After that i didn’t block my gf but just wouldn’t respond to her in anyway.
I started hooking up with other girls as i wanted to get over my ex as soon as possible,but I got too close to one of these girls;I also took her virginity and i had told her that i am not ready for a relationship but she had already fallen in love with me,I like her a lot but honestly i still cannot get over my ex and honestly i don’t think i ever will be able to.I love my ex too much for that.We had all our lives planned out together plus no matter what happened she loved me a lot when we were in a relationship,and it is important because i was really a very messed up person.Plus,i feel a bit weird in getting in relationship with this new girl as she and one of my homeboys has made out a few times in the past.
Idk what to do right now in this current situation.I feel very hollow from inside and no girl makes me feel the way my ex made me feel.My ex daily messages me multiple times and sends me multiple calls.She begs me to forgive her as she was high and drunk but i had warned her not to do all that stuff.And i feel that being high or drunk doesn’t justify her actions.And i am not even sure if she was high or drunk.I also believe that she is lying on me and has cheated on me as she showed multiple suspicious behavioural patterns.
I am 90% sure that she has cheated on me and this wasn’t a one time mistake from 3 months ago,but when we were not in LDR,we loved each other a lot and it was the purest of love so that makes me question whether it was really just a mistake.All the videos and evidence proof is from a 3 day trip my gf had with a big group which involved her roommates and the guy.But the guy was sending couple posts days after that trip and that makes me doubt entire thing
I know most probably my girlfriend cheated on me and my relationship is over,and i shouldn’t give her another chance but i feel an emptiness within me which i cannot seem to fill.I have become addicted to smoking now and i feel bad about it too.I have only written 70% of the entire story because i do not want to share too many details and i am too tired to remember those memories again.
Will it better to date my ex,or date my situationship,or keep hooking up,or staying single for some time?
8 comments
Ditch the ex. Move on.
It would really mean a lot to me if you guys can give me some advice beacuse i have shared this with only my bestfriend,and i don’t know what to do in this current situation.
You choose neither until you can heal yourself. It’s not fair to jump into a relationship when you aren’t emotionally available. If you feel “hollow” or numb and you are still hung up on an ex, you are likely emotionally unavailable.
Your ex is experiencing regret but, clearly needs someone to be there in person. It’s normal to learn that you need an in person, physical relationship when you suddenly go long distance for prolonged time.
I know it’s extremely rough as I felt passion and lost it like what you describe. It took me 2 years to get over but, I learned each love feels different. If you go into a relationship expecting it to feel the same as your last, you may not be ready.
Get yourself some good character development through new experiences. Build your skill tree and become an interesting badass. Join a club, try something new, maybe do some goat yoga. The more experiences you give yourself, the higher the opportunity will be to find a life partner.
Now go on and live your best life. Know that it’s ok if moving forward isn’t easy.
Choose neither and focus on yourself. Also cut contact with your awful ex. This is so unhealthy for you it’s insane.
The emptiness inside will go away once she stops trying to manipulate and guilt trip you. I promise. And you can’t grow being stuck like this.
Learn to love yourself and work on your own goals and you’ll be rewarded with self esteem, passion, pride, and happiness that’s not dependent on others. I went through an awful breakup with a person I thought loved me. I decided to do what I’m advising you, and my life improved dramatically. A key thing for me, is I also decided I wouldn’t get into any serious romantic relationships unless that person gave me butterflies in my stomach. I am now about to propose to the woman who gave me butterflies.
Good luck and if nothing else, cut your ex out of your life.
Two things: 1. You gotta get over the whole “I don’t trust my Gf around other guys” mentality. I’m not saying you’re wrong here because it sounds like your suspicions were correct but it’s just not reasonable to enforce that type of boundary unless you’re looking for a super conservative woman. I used too feel that way too but then I got older and started dating more mature woman and I realized that the only thing stopping my SO from cheating is herself. If she’s going to cheat, she’s going to cheat. It’s that simple.
2. You’re way too young to be worrying that your ex is the one. Honestly if she was really the one, she wouldn’t lie/cheat. You’re only 21 years old. If you take your ex back, I promise you’ll look back in 10 years and be like wtf was I thinking. It’s just the post break up emotions that will fade eventually
Move on from your ex, she had her chance give the other girl a chance and if it doesn’t workout you spend some time by yourself and gain experience and do what makes you happy until you’re ready to date again
You’re ex’s for a reason, never go back. I know from personal experience. It’s just as bad if not worse the second time.
If you get back with your girlfriend, the situation has not changed. She is still in Australia and you have no idea what she is or not doing. That will drive you crazy after all that has happened. Your fwb is smitten with you because you took her virginity. This could explain why she is accepting of you not being over your girlfriend. Honestly, I think you need to take a break from both and try to enjoy life on your own for awhile. It could be very therapeutic. Good luck.