So I(22F) recently broke up with my bf(22M) of 3.5 years, 2 weeks ago because I found him cheating on me with a coworker and today a man was touching my butt when I was on a train and I let it happen. I didn’t do anything I didn’t oppose and I honestly didn’t feel anything at all. (I’ve been groped by creepy ass men when I was 10yo and it haunted me for years )
I honestly don’t know what happened today. And On top of that, now after few hours I’m feeling guilty because somehow my stupid brain is thinking that I cheated on my ex by letting it happen.
I don’t know how to feel about this, am I guilty?
TL;DR – I got groped by a man , didn’t do/feel anything but now feeling guilty. Should I be guilty?
Edit: thank you guys and the people who dm’d me for the support, my thoughts got cleared , I’ll soon be seeing a therapist as recent events are too much for me to handle.
7 comments
You should not feel guilty. And even if you “let it happen” that doesn’t make it right nor does it make you a willing participant. It was non-consensual and you did not cheat on an ex for several reasons. I am sorry this happened to you.
You didn’t harm another person by freezing when you were sexually assaulted. You didn’t harm your ex by being sexually assaulted. There’s no “should” when it comes to feelings, and you’re allowed to feel guilty if that’s how you’re feeling. But if you’re asking if your guilt fits what happened in reality – no, it doesn’t.
Don’t feel guilty. Understand that women generally “freeze” when groped/ assaulted by a man. Young women especially freeze when unexpectedly assaulted by a man. At my last employer, we had a young lady, who (weeks after the event) told me that the guy from the paper shredder service grabbed and kissed her in her cubicle, and she was so shocked she did nothing. I told her I would contact the business and report this, and say that this man was never allowed back in our office. She said “I thought you wouldn’t believe me”. I told her I totally believe you, and this is exactly consistent with how young ladies react. I told her if it ever happens again, feel free to slap the guy, push him, yell, knock over furniture, etc. I told her that almost all young women freeze when this happens so don’t feel bad that you didn’t react.
I contacted the business and they advised me that this person had previous complaints about him. I told them he was no longer to come to our business. The company apologized profusely. So be aware that young ladies generally react EXACTLY as you did. Only women who have had specific training in how to react to this, are actually able to do so.
You did not cheat bottom line. Even if you did, he cheated with his coworker so he really has no right to demand anything of you. Later you’ll realize how unfair it is to always worry about his feelings while he dismisses yours. Good luck 💖
It’s called freezing. You didn’t let it happen. It was without your consent.
Bless your heart & soul & may you find peace in the near future. You are not at all similar to the ones who caused you harm. May they rest in hell
Of course you aren’t guilty for being assaulted.