Just wanted to share here since I don’t talk much about sex IRL. My husband (44) and I (F48) met when he was 25 and I was 29. I was in a LTR with an older guy with whom I had a lot of physical chemistry and I inelegantly transitioned from one relationship to the other (0/0 do not recommend). I was physically *attracted* to my now husband but at that time he was very inhibited in the bedroom. We were *having* sex, and he learned pretty quickly how to touch me, but the overall experience wasn’t even close to what I wanted. We had to use lots of lube.
It took us a LONG time (seriously, like 8 years) to find our groove. It was when HE finally let go of his inhibitions that things improved immensely. I remember the day that he “unlocked”. I started crying afterwards bc I was so happy for him (and us.)
In the beginning, he didn’t make any noise during sex. He never wanted to *talk* about it outside the bedroom. He wasn’t comfortable touching himself in front of me. Now… he ravages me like I want to be ravaged and he does and says whatever feels good to HIM in the moment. He’s only gotten better looking with age which is a nice bonus.
Our daughter was with family this weekend so we had 2 nights alone. We took the opportunity to have some loud, dirty sex and it was AWESOME. 😍
I hope my story is reassuring to someone else. There is hope!! If your partner is inhibited, give them lots of positive reinforcement in and out of bed. Also, the right strain of cannabis can help loosen you up and get your head in the moment if you want to have sex but you feel too stressed or distracted by life.
Take it from an old married lady- physical intimacy (sexual or not) feeds marriage. Keep touching each other.
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Dang, I would love to find that strain of cannabis… I’m so freaking sensitive to THC though (triggers anxiety)
Nice seeing a story that isn’t about “we haven’t had sex in 7 years, been married for 5, known each other for 4, is this a dead bedroom???”
Same!
If I can ask why the relationship with the other man ended?
Wow! I am curious about this progress. What made it unlock?
Hell yeah!! Going on seven years of marriage and the sex gets better and better!! And better! And better!! I’m sooo happy to hear there are more of us!! Keep touching!! Yes! I love it! 😂😂 (And Cannabis totally helps! 😁)
So you’re saying there’s hope?
I really happy for you, but damn this makes me so sad, too. I long for what you have with my wife, but I’ve come to accept that it’s never gonna happen.
This is so nice to read, and I’m happy for you ❤️ We have been together for 14 years, married 10, and sex is just getting better and better for us too. Although I’m not quite being ravaged like I’d like to be ravaged, I’m still having the best sex of my life, and I have faith that it will get better.
I agree about the positive reinforcement. For years I wanted him to give that to me. Now I realise that I can give kind words to him without expecting them to be reciprocated, but they kind of come back to me in the form of touch, sex, and intimacy.
It’s great to hear stories like this. My wife and I are doing pretty well but the endless horror stories of dead bedroom marriages you see are scary.
22 years. same same.