My girlfriend(17F) and I(18M) have been together for months and we love each other very much despite all our problems, despite the fact that she and I are quite different people and she has had more stories than I have and she has had even more physical relationships, and I admit that I’ve always been a little uncomfortable with that, but of course I realize it’s my problem. The point is that some time ago she revealed to me a fact quite indigestible to go through: last summer she had sex twice with this friend of her(21M) occasionally before getting together with me and she never told me before some time ago. The thing that bothers me is that with this friend we went out several times and we were also at his house and on his bed (where they did it) and I was also growing fond of it and while I was in the dark of everything they knew, also it didn’t happen two centuries ago, but last summer, just before we met, and it’s upsetting. But the thing that most upset me is that she did’t tell me until a month and a half ago for fear of my reaction, which obviously was not the best and as you may have understood, since I’m writing here, I still struggle to digest the thing. After that she cried and said that she was truly sorry and she told me that if I wanted to, she wouldn’t hang out with this friend of her anymore and she wouldn’t be in touch with him for a while, saying things like “maybe with time.. You can accept that..” , only lately she’s starting to push a little bit a couple of times and wonder if it was a problem for me if she dated him (also because I have a few days driving school and she since it’s always from me does not know what to do and in the dead times would go out with him) and I’ve always made her shyly understand that it didn’t make me feel good. The facts (it happened twice) happened last summer and she told me that there was no sentimental involvement and that he never even came with her being that he only manages to come if there is emotional involvement. The point is, I’m starting to realize that I don’t really like her going out with this friend of hers, and I don’t know what to do, because I’m afraid to tell her and burden her with not seeing him and it seems to me that she’s not willing to give up her friendship, only that the thought that he sexually desired her and vice versa (although more the first I guess) and that they continue to go out together makes me die and it corrodes me from within. What do I do next? If I asked her not to see him again, what would happen? This thing destroys me and hurts me for a long time and makes me feel really bad, I’m desperate and I don’t know what to do
TLDR: my girlfriend had sex twice last summer (without emotional involvement) with a friend of her and told me only anfter 4 months of relationship for fear of my reaction and after we both hung out together with him several times and she wants still to hang out with him but I don’t think I feel comfortable with this but I also feel a bastard
6 comments
Leave her, she chose to lie to you and not tell you there past history, and want to continue spend time with him knowing how you feel and how he feels. Ask yourself, is she really worth all this bull?
bro leave her asap I promise you if she really loved you and only cared about you she would cut him off without hesitation at the very least. Her still wanting to hang out with him is the biggest red flag possible
You’re young. Very rarely do relationship in your teens work out long term. Learn from this and take it into your next relationships.
Start working on your insecurities now. People have pasts. The older they get the more of a past there is to have. Your GF is still figuring things out since you’re both young. It sounds like you have a lot of general anxiety. Makes sense she would carefully edit things.
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I think you should give her an ultimatum at this point . Either she stops seeing him completely (not even calls or messages) or you leave her .
After a while she will definitely lie about going out with him or meeting him to “protect you” from getting hurt but the truth is , she’s choosing a “sentimental less” friendship over a love relationship.
If she really does love you or respect you , she will go no contact with him . If I am being honest, she should’ve cut him off from her life when she got into a relationship with you , you shouldn’t have had to ask her to stop meeting him. It’s bare minimum and common sense that you don’t hang out with someone you had a sexual past with if your partner is uncomfortable.
Why is she lacking this common sense and why are you allowing her to play with your emotions .
That being said , stay strong and i hope you get through this 🫂❣️