My love for video games is dead.

47 comments

1. Does he recognize that he has a problem? There’s a reason why video game addiction is considered an actual addiction by mental health groups, compared to a lot of other life things that people consider addictive but doesn’t meet the technical definition.

   He can get help for it, but he has to recognize he has a problem and be willing to.

2. He’s playing Zelda isn’t he?

   My personal rule for gaming is I don’t even start until 11 pm or so. My wife gets my time before that.

   If he can’t set some boundaries then yeah, you may have to leave him alone with his games and find someone who wants to spend time with you.

3. Go to the breaker and kill the power :p

4. What has he said when you told him you want him to play less? How many hours does he play each day on average?

5. Understandable. Always tough to understand how someone can’t just pause and spend time with their spouse and then play another time instead.

6. He’s turning you into a gamer widow 🙁

7. I play video games on stream but I totally put everything down soon after my husband gets home from work. I give him 2 hours to come down from work and to do the things he enjoys (plays guitar & reads) but when he is finished those things, I’m done playing. He might play a game. He might put on a movie. But I’m there with him.

   I would talk to him about it. Maybe he’s just not realizing it really bothers you? Or perhaps you guys can find a game that would be fun to play together?

8. Leave. Go visit a friend. Go to the mall. Go watch a new movie. Do the things you want to do with him, without him. He’ll see it and either realize you’ve chosen life instead of video games, or he’ll continue to choose this screen over your marriage. Don’t sit at home sulking.

9. Sounds like he’s using it as a form of escape or possibly addiction. I would have a serious sit down conversation where expectations are discussed and a plan is made that you’re both happy with. For example 4 hrs a day of gaming and then 4 hrs baking together (an exaggeration but just an example).

10. Close I get Facebook instead of videos. Couple beers 🍻 and my buddies Rocco & Buster. Dog’s. Make great companions most days 👍😁

11. Before you have kids with him, know you’ll get as much help with them as you do groceries.

12. I can relate. It used to be really bad, but we’ve had several talks and thankfully he’s picked up other hobbies outside of gaming. I would suggest trying to talk to him about it and be careful how you word things…explain that you miss him and want to spend time with him instead of being accusatory. It’s easier said than done, but if you two truly love each other you’ll find a way to compromise together.

13. My husband and I both enjoy video games and sometimes one of us gets a new one (Zelda) and it takes a lot of time. We found a solution, my husband mounted a tv in the living room over our main tv. If I want to watch something or knit then he plays on the top tv. Or we both have handheld consoles and we use those so we can still hang out together. Hope you find a solution that works for you!!

14. I have two nights a week for video games and it’s the same two nights every week. I think it still irks my wife a little bit, but it’s time that I need for myself and she understands that. Outside of Tuesday and Friday nights, I’m spending the evenings with her unless she makes plans to hang out with her friends.

    It got to a pretty bad point before this schedule was put in to effect. Not to the point of separation or anything, but she was hurt by my actions and I felt really shitty for making her feel that way.

15. Video games specifically aren’t the problem, it’s him and his lack of commitment to you and your relationship. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. My husband and I are both avid gamers but we also do things together all the time. Eat dinner together, watch TV after dinner together, we go out to events, farmers markets, parks, see friends, etc.

    It’s frankly hard for me to understand how people chose a game over their spouse. He’s my best friend. I love to game as much as anyone, I have almost 5000 hours in one game over the years. He’s about the same. But neither one of us have ever put it above each other.

    This is definitely something you guys need to have a serious talk about. Are you guys possibly open to counseling? Maybe plan some things to do that take you out of the house, or have a tv show you guys sit and watch together? He should definitely want to spend time with you

16. When a new game releases I FULLY expect him to be occupied. He is playing Diablo. In my personal opinion, men struggle to multitask. They become super focused on 1 thing. It’s just the way it is. I’ve accepted this. Because when I try to fight it, I’m the one that’s in a bad mood and ruin my day/weekend. So I focus on me. I enjoy some alone time. I’ll go out, watch my shows, attend an event, or go out to eat. If I had friends in this new town I would meetup with them.

    I’ll usually remind my husband about tasks in the morning, and he will get them done before he games. He sometimes neglects to complete a task or 2, but I expect that. I’m no longer filled with disappointment. I’m just very chill about it now.

    I totally get how annoying this may be. But just try and focus on you/making your weekend enjoyable. After some years, I finally understand how my gamer husband functions. I enjoy playing as well, but with the new baby now I usually just spend time with her. I’m chillin with my baby watching shows. I’m happy that he is enjoying this game that he has been looking forward to for a while.

    Sending you positive vibes

17. I hear you girl. In all honesty, as bad as it sounds, what has genuinely helped me feel like I have purpose and to give me *my* interest was to adopt a dog. Granted I’ve always wanted my own dog and we were finally at a place in our lives where we COULD finally have a dog, but just having that best friend to train, love and put my time into has helped me so much. I use that time that he’s playing his game to go walk the dog a good mile and a half, which I genuinely enjoy. He’s so attached to my hip it’s ridiculous, and just such a good, well mannered dog. My husband adores him too but I’m his person. My point being is, if your husband isn’t going to give you the time of day, you should take it upon yourself to find that something that really interests you. And no it does not have to be a living thing. Could be hiking, going to the gym, taking a skill class, etc. if this is something that has been boiling up, you really should try to just talk to him.

18. My husband plays video games, however he pays attention to me and we are in the same room together. He also helps me around the house too. Honestly sounds like he had a video game addiction. Have you told him that you need more time with him and this is upsetting to you?

19. I hate these posts because if you mention gaming people kind of freak out and pull the, “well you can have hobbies too” or “it’s just a way for him to relax” when I’ve seen firsthand how destructive video game addiction (or internet gaming disorder) can be! I would ask him if you guys can decide on set days for gaming and set days when you need to be together and the game has to be turned off. If he can’t do that “sacrifice” I would 100% get into therapy if you’re not already.

20. I also hate video and table top games for the same reasons! When my ex husband and I split I was soooo happy I never had to deal with that shit ever again to his extremes.

    My next husband does play video games (very rarely, I’ve only ever seen him play this new Zelda one) but he does it strictly when I’m at work unless I ask to watch him play, which I did today. After 30 minutes I was done and wanted a neck and back rub. Zero “just gotta finish this quest…” he turned it off without complaint and happily gave me a massage.

    Go live your real life and let his pass him by while he’s glued to a game. You don’t need to suffer through it.

21. As a a former video game addict (I used to play 16+ hr on days I didn’t have to work), you don’t even notice the people around you and all you want to do is get lost in the game. It went on for several years and the thing I regretted most in my life because I’ll never get that time back when I should’ve been spending time with my 1-4 year old daughter instead of playing freaking DOTA. I seriously had some crazy divine intervention to help me break the cycle so it’s going to take a lot to get them out of this. Wishing you the best of luck and I’m sorry you’re in this situation.

22. It’s not the video games. It’s him. It could be any hobby, he’d still put it over his marriage. I’m so sorry.

23. My wife doesn’t gama but some games she enjoys watching and she will offer suggestions and stuff.

    Our favorite thing is when I’m playing, she’s on the couch with her feet in my lap either playing on the iPad or napping. It’s our alone while together time.

    Sorry for your troubles, OP. Your partner should give a little.

24. Don’t have kids with this one.

25. This is such a bummer. I’m so sorry.

    Look, in any relationship, problems arise. The first step is to have a constructive, respectful conversation with him. It should look something like this:

    “I really miss you. I feel very lonely and sad we aren’t really connecting anymore. I know we used to play games together, but I’ve lost my love for them because I started to feel like I’m competing for your attention with them. I‘ve started to feel unimportant and invisible and I know you love me and aren’t intending to make me feel this way so I thought I should tell you how I’m feeling.

    Do you think we can carve out some time every night to hang out? You’re my favorite person and I covet our time together. I don’t want you to give up something you clearly love, but since I’m no longer playing, can we maybe set time aside every day to enjoy one another?”

    The key is to not attack and put him on the defensive. Allow yourself to be vulnerable so he can feel empathy instead of defensiveness. It gives him room to see that he’s unintentionally hurting your feelings and you’re starting from a place that gives him the opportunity to change.

26. Does he have ADHD? If so, then he should give up video games because technology is a person with ADHD worst enemy. People with ADHD go through what’s called hyper focus that means when they like something they extremely focus on what they’re doing and they forget everything around them. They don’t do it on purpose and it usually causes problems in relationships.

27. Addictive personalities and people will find the things that they cling to.

    Replace *video games* here with *drinking* and you’ll find the story of an alcoholic.

    Replace *video games* with *drugs* and you’ll find the story of a drug addict.

    In those scenarios we do not blame the drug or the drink. Those are just the chosen vice of the addict. We engage with the addict, discuss addiction as the disease it is and begin a process to identify why we engage in these tendencies and how to find better and more fulfilling coping mechanisms.

    Your husband sounds addicted and the vice is video games. The question isn’t how to get him to stop playing but it is how to get him to realize he has a problem and be willing to start a process of learning better ways to cope

28. Things like this makes marriage sound horrible to single people, grab a controller and play with or agree on a certain amount of time he can have for himself.
    I don’t play video games but I have learned that I have to fight for my time. I don’t do anything in particular I just want to sit still, not talk, and enjoy the silence.

29. I was an avid gamer – call of duty, assassins creed all of that. Since getting married (married 10 yrs) and even more after having a child i have reduced it drastically. To the point that i never play when my wife is at home or needs me. She barely even notices i play once in 2 weeks – away from her sight or when she’s out. This is a good balance and we’re good in this regard

    I wish more men wud know that this is the way when u have someone else in the house who should be given time.

30. First and foremost, why is he playing to that extreme? Is there some part of the relationship that feels unfulfilled from his perspective? Have there been massive arguments over other stuff that has been going on for awhile? How is the overall health of the relationship? Does he see them as an escape from reality because he feels his life sucks?

    Yes, a new game can take up a lot of time. I know Tears of the Kingdom came out, there’s the Diablo 4 that just dropped, seems like there’s another AAA title that came out too.

    I get your frustration over this as it can be addictive and/or lead to other issues with work/school what have you. (Side joke, there was a running joke that school was Fortnight recovery group when Fortnight first came out years ago) You have to find a way to communicate your issues with him in a way that he won’t get defensive (which I will admit is a tall order) Once the communication dies, the relationship starts on a downward path and forever resentment will dominate your relationship until it dies or you two fix it.

31. This is the story of my life lowkey

32. Wasn’t sure if you were talking about your kid or your hubs, cuz it sounds about like my 6 yr old during tablet time 🙃

33. Have you talked about it?

34. Rough week for game widows. TOTK and D4.

35. Create a rule, you both clean the house on Friday afternoon, unlimited video games on Saturday (when you do whatever is fun for you) and all Sunday together. Or whatever else may work for you.

    There is nothing wrong with games and spending.time separately even if your are married, just find a balance that works for you and him.

36. I learned to play video games just so I could play with my husband. I don’t really like it all that much, so if I don’t want to play I’ll read next to him, or go in my studio and work on my current art piece with a podcast on. I don’t mind that he does his own thing and I do mine. I actually enjoy me time so it works out perfectly. Of course, if I ask him to do something he jumps up and does it pretty quickly so maybe it’s not the same thing in that aspect.

37. So you compromise then. Tell him he can have a vg night then switch it to you with a cuddle night etc

38. Let the games have him, girl. Find you someone who wants to spend his time on/with you.

39. My first serious boyfriend that I lived with played everquest from the time he got home until he went to bed. He thought because we were in the same room we were spending time together. I swore off gamers after him.

40. Just leave. Make him wonder where you are. For hours. When he asks for something, reply with “in an hour”. When he comes home, be waiting at the door and leave before he can say hi, just enough time to see you go.

    Or, skip the elaborate petty plot and tell him this. Tell him everything you wrote. Write it out to him, if you need to. Communicate your feelings. And then, give him enough time and space to think about it.

41. Write the task/ a note on a sticky note, put it on his monitor frame. Even a note like “I need cuddles”.

    Also don’t accept “in an hour”, nobody looks at the clock when gaming. Go for “after I kill this boss” or “after I complete this particular quest”.

    My husband and I both are gamers (me mainly) and this is what works for us. Maybe it might work for you too.

42. Wow for a long hard minute, I sincerely thought this was written by me about my ex fiancè/baby dad.

    My ex & I was together for about 3.5-4yrs but knew each other for about 10 years. I actually met him when I was 17 years old through a computer gaming clan which then became a PC & XBOX gaming clan.

    My ex became extremely obsessed with Xbox 360 and getting MS points as well as collecting all the achievements he could out of every game.

    He was SO BAD that we had to stay either living with his parents or my parents because he couldn’t get nor keep a job. He used to lie to me about going to supposed “GED classes” and job hunting, even going as far as stopping at a few places to collect applications and then when he was supposed to be out getting his GED more or less and instead took the applications he collected that were left blank, went to the nearest park, and then proceeded to idolize this newfound alone time by napping, leaving me all alone at my parents house caring for our one year old daughter alone.

    He continued this charade every Weds (when his GED classes were supposed to be) for the next few weeks then that’s when I really became suspicious because why in the holy hell would a grown ass man need multiple GED classes just to feel he’s ready to take his GED test?! I mean I realize he was no Einstein but he wasn’t that damn slow either. Not to mention his supposed classes would get longer on some days and shorter on others and he claimed they helped him so much that instead of feeling ready for his GED test, instead he decided to start going to class every Tuesday AND Wednesday!! I was floored and new something was up.

    I had no proof however until I found his stashed huge pile of unfilled job applications hidden under our bed. I told him I did not think it was fair that I had to put off getting MY GED to care for our daughter as both my parents worked and one of us had to watch her while the other went to this sponsored GED course through our local church and the class was free. The test was like $30 which he paid for and according to him , it was supposed to be a two to three week course with it being on Wednesdays until after he said he could come in for an hour on Tuesdays if he felt he needed it. He promised he’d just do this once or twice and that’s it then he’d take the test and it’d be my turn.

    Well, 4 weeks passed and he still was going twice a week and I had enough of this BS. I constantly questioned him about his activities on those days trying to catch him in a lie and began to suspect he may had been cheating on me. I just didn’t understand why he would keep lying about doing anything to improve our family life and why it was put all on me. We fought constantly.

    All this and I was at the point where I was ready to tell him he has to go back home to Michigan because I can’t ha dle the lies anymore but I suddenly didn’t have to. Earlier that day, my sister decided to give me a break and took my niece and daughter to the park for a couple hours .. the very same park B would take his afternoon naps pretending to care about his education (ironically not acting very smart either) and ad my sister let the girls go play , my little girl kept pointing in a direction and trying to say something. My sister had to keep chasing her to come back to where my niece was playing until she started to read the newspaper for a minute and once again noticed she was gone again. Panicked my sister yelled for her and ran around looking for her, finally finding her in the parking lot, pointing at B’s truck and saying “look, daddy!!” 🤣🤣🤣 And there was B , dead ass asleep with a newspaper over his chest. Wooo boy was my sister pissed and ended up waking him up by flopping our excited daughter into his stomach and telling him “Good, you’re awake. Now it’s YOUR turn to take the girls for the rest of the day so that your fiancè AND I can get a nice long break! Oh and you can start doing this every Tuesday and Wednesday until you get a damn job!!” And left him at the park with the girls (at that point, he was wide awake, agreed he’d watch the girls if she promised not to tell me not my parents. She accepted then came right to my parents House and told both my mom and I 🤣) .

    Turns out, he had spent all night every night gaming on his XBOX that he was so tired come Weds so instead of going to a literal couple of GED classes and then come in on a Saturday to take a test, he decided he didn’t care if he ever got his GED as he’s had enough factory job experience to be able to get a good job at any hiring factory, claiming none were hiring at the moment 🙄 Instead he utilized his newfound freedom from responsibility every Weds that he decided to make it twice a week for awhile until it got out of control. He felt really bad but it was much too late.

    Even the days where he was home with me and our daughter, he was absent and would stick her in either her high chair or her activity bouncer after feeding her , throw a couple little toys at her and left her there for hours every day while he played away on his XBOX. I took time daily to go job hunting myself as well as getting my GED because somebody had to. I just couldn’t deal with raising two children and Xbox aside, he became very verbally, emotionally, and then physically abusive. We were done. I left him and never looked back.

    So OP I know what you are going through. I used to love playing Xbox too. I used to love playing together with him. I thought it was our thing that brought us together and our way of spending extra time together until he no longer wanted me to play with him anymore. He showed no interest in spending time with me at all after that and it hurt me so bad. I already had low self esteem due to weight gain from child birth but him rejecting me all the time, never wanting to even sleep next to me anymore as his Xbox was more important, I felt so worthless, ugly, alone, and unloved. It caused me to gain even more weight. At one point I wanted to end my life as I thought it would make him happy but could not do that to my child.

    If any of this starts to sound familiar to you, OP, please do not wait until it’s too late. Have a serious talk with him and tell him how you feel and if he still acts as if gaming is his new mistress, then tell him he can leave, get another place to live, and take his new whore with him.

    Best wishes, sista💕

43. Your time…my time…and our time. Balanced. If it’s not balanced it’s not healthy!

44. Oh hun. My first relationship was like this; glued to his PS4 whilst I was pregnant and struggling.

    My Second husband has just built me a mini ITX pc (the third pc he’s built me – incidentally) and does anything and everything to ensure my gaming comfort and enjoyment. We go to the desks to game Together, when all the cooking and kidstuff and clean up is done. We rarely play the same game; we have different gaming interests – but we’re there and talking to one another.

    There are men out there who would throw themselves on the ground for a partner who enjoys the same thing as them. Maybe this one just isn’t the one?

45. I call my wife to do something, like wach Tv together.

    If she prefer to use her cellphone I play. We do it in the living room and eventually chat small talk.

    But my online game is dead for sure, becouse “honey do that” every time I conect some multi-player.

46. And maybe he’s pissed off every damn time he sits down to finally relax with a video game you find another chore for him to do.

    Stop telling us how you feel and have a conversation with your husband.

47. A few hours on the weekend? This guy has a serious problem…..