I’ve started to consciously become more assertive in dealing with people overall, but I feel like this has put one of my closest friends on edge and made him a bit nervous. Is it okay to still be assertive/demanding around close friends?
I also feel like my banter comes across as very demeaning now, I don’t want to make my friends feel like they’re walking on eggshells around me but I have changed my attitudes considerably and just want them to follow my instruction and take me a bit more seriously.
2 comments
This post sounds kinda all over the place, tbh. Being “assertive” is a good thing while being “abrupt” is sometimes necessary. I would refrain from coming across as “demeaning” as often as I could, if I were concerned about being rude. Asserting your feelings/needs, vocally, should never have to be demeaning.
“Follow my instructions” is what really took me out. I’d like to think you are just wording this poorly because if you are being earnest then we aren’t talking about friends – that sounds like people who work for you. Again, I think this post has its faults and maybe you are really struggling to get some validation from your friends. That is a tricky thing of you’ve always been more mild-mannered. From your perspective, people who assert themselves may seem like assholes which could lead you to believe the key is to _be an asshole._ That isn’t the key but learning a new skill isn’t a straight line. Just whatever you do, try your best to keep calm while asserting yourself. Being rude can get your point across but it will ultimately make you look weak. At the same time, changing your attitude will put some people off so the reactions your get might make you _feel_ like you’re being rude. But if you just remain calm or “chill af” then _most people_ will understand.
They told you you make them nervous? Or is an assumption? One way or another ask them why and how you can fix it, friends do that all the time: give valuable advices.