Things got heated over some things related to house cleaning. It later boiled over to her screaming and yelling at me for a divorce. I also couldn’t take it and broke down a few times from the lack of cooperation after I tried to ease her prior to the explosive argument.
It got so bad and I got so down that I ended up staying in a near by hotel for the night. I cried as I packed my things. I cried because I still miss her, but most importantly, my son.
It’s the next day now and I don’t know if I should go back to talk or sleep in .y car for the night….
15 comments
[deleted]
It may have been a bad fight but leaving your kid to stay in a hotel wasn’t the answer. I’d definitely recommending counseling but you both have to be willing to work on it
It sounds like you had a rough night and needed to go cool off. Seems fair to retreat and figure out what the next healthy move is.
Consider sending your wife a text letting her know you’re coming back to the house to help with your son. You’d like to talk, but wait until your son has gone to bed or have someone watch him and go out to dinner and talk.
Listen to what she has to say, stick to the current issue and focus on how to get through it if you’re both willing to work on it.
Go home. Just go home. Even if you two spilt up don’t leave. Be a fixture in your child’s life. Stop worrying about the little things. Enjoy your time with your son, and if she is willing and you want to make your marriage a priority. Not the other stuff.
You should not have left but you should just go home
A spouse who cant have a discussion without it constantly becoming a shouting match is an immature adult not fit for marriage
Consider next steps, including exit plan
Take an hour or two (or four) to think through what you need to talk about. Don’t go into a serious conversation without thinking about what needs to be said.
Think about this next conversation like you’re preparing the biggest project you have ever delivered at work.
There’s a big difference between ruminating and thinking. Ruminating won’t help. Staying calm and really *thinking* will. Or at least that has been my experience.
Edit: journaling and writing things down can be helpful here. I have started using a note taking app called Obsidian, but sometimes it’s better by hand
Have you reached out to her today? Maybe texted her saying, “I’d like to come home, but I don’t know how you’re feeling right now.” ?
What else is going on? Fighting over house cleaning is at the surface. What’s under that?
No matter how uncomfortable it is, don’t leave to hotel. Just because it gets tricky, you don’t run away. Just take space, saying, Honey, I am taking x the amount of space and when I am ready, I will return to talk it through. Set a boundary- honey, I will take space when I feel uncomfortable.
Yes, go back. Ask if she wants to discuss what happened yesterday. Both need it to process it. Taking notes helps. Set boundaries when the tone of voice changes by taking space. It can’t be a productive conversation when the style of voice changes.
What is she bottling up and you are seeing the iceberg peaking? Why does she want a divorce??
you need to go home now before she changes the locks, says you abandoned the family, and cleans you out in your upcoming divorce! Divorce lesson #1 do not leave the family home until s lawyer says it’s kosher!
I know this is an unpopular opinion, and I get when things get heated someone needs to leave and let things cool down. However, I think it really stinks if one partner leaves to cool down and leaves the other partner to deal with kids for more than an hour or so. OP left his wife for the night over a disagreement over cleaning, but he spent the night in a hotel only worrying about his emotional needs. His wife stayed at home and dealt with the child, who needed dinner, put to bed, explained to why daddy wasn’t there, and breakfast. I get taking a 20 minute walk. But Checking out for hours or overnight when the other partner can’t I think is crappy. The wife couldn’t stew in her feeling while the little needed a bath or a bedtime story. But, Daddy? I understand tabling the conversation until cooler heads can deal with it, sleep on the couch. But leaving to me is something OP needs to apologize on top of the argument issue.
Just go back, period. It is your house too. Not a good idea to leave the house in the future unless someone at risk. You could set your self up for abandonment charge as ridiculous as it sounds. Talk to her in person but you do not need to ask to come back
A housekeeper is a non-negotiable for me since my husband and I both work and we have a four year old. Maybe a solution for you?
My wife and I had an argument like this two weeks ago about helping out around the house, it was really bad as in I have never seen her scream like that. I wish I had an answer for you brother we ended up hashing it out later that night
Get yourself home, fellow human. Horrible words and actions come out in fights. Now you’ve both cooled off. Get some flowers and get home and talk calmly.