It took this man 6 months to say he rather be friends & stated how much of an amazing girlfriend I was & how I would make the perfect wife for someone else. He states he felt like we didn’t have the chemistry or compatibility. He only felt a slight spark. & sex wasn’t the best to meet his appetite. Supposedly he didn’t want to dip out of the relationship to fulfill this need later, so he decided to break it off. He said he needs a lot more than just cumming. He never mentioned he wasn’t sexually satisfied. Obviously, I don’t want to be his friend based on how much I’m a good person & he doesn’t want to lose whatever friendship that he thinks we have. What is you guys thinking about this? He supposedly only stayed in the relationship since it was healthy. I don’t understand how there wasn’t chemistry?? Like do you guys believe he is being honest?
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I’m sure you will
Sounds plausible that he felt that way.
At least he told you after only 6 months. I suggest you don’t stay friends. Being friends with exes leads to headaches later on.
Honestly he did you a favor if he wasn’t into you. Many people lie and stick it out and become miserable. You will find someone better. You deserve someone who is passionate about you. Good luck.
When it comes to emotions, men are much more straight forward and honest than many women ( this is a woman talking) .
I’m afraid you should assume he means it.
Find someone who loves YOU not just your body. And please-don’t play wifey to a man who isn’t your hubby . Life is too short to waste years of your life in dead end relationships!
Sorry, but he just isn’t feeling it… for whatever reason. Whatever the truth is, it’s over. 🙁 Best not to let him take up any more time in your mind. At least this happened after 6 months, rather than after you are married with kids.
“Thank you for speaking up. I thought it was just me not feeling the sex was not great. I just kept making excuses that you were good in everything else, so I just accepted that sex wasn’t the best. In future, I will learn from you and be up front instead of wasting time.” See how long the friendship lasts, then. And if anyone mentions the reason you break up because he has shared it with others, just say you wholeheartedly agree with him that there was no real spark and the sex wasn’t great. Don’t let him feel like he is the “better” one in his, yours or anyone’s eyes. Move on and find someone who is compatible with you. The thing about sex is if you put in the effort, you can always get better. Don’t stay friends but don’t block him. He is not an acquaintance. No need to put yourself through the torture of watching him date a new woman.
Guess this is what happens when someone is used to toxity gets in a health relationship. Cut him off.
Ultimately, does it matter if he’s being completely honest?
At the end of the day, he doesn’t want to be with you and he’s not giving you an opportunity to “fix” anything. He just doesn’t want it. He attempted to take his time in getting to know you and it took him time to realize he doesn’t want to be with you. Sometimes that takes 2 weeks and sometimes that takes 6 months.
He provided an explanation and it sounds pretty blunt so I don’t imagine he’s making it up. But even if there was another reason…. It doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t want to be with you.
You can stay friends with him if you want. If you’d rather not, then go ahead and move on.
Either way, there is really no point in overthinking this. He’s 32 and doesn’t see himself spending the rest of his life with you. So he ended things to not waste any more time. This allows you to find someone else who is right for you.
He is using those words as cushion to try to make you feel better, most likely has someone else already, people that do usually use those tactics, the usual, “you are a great person and you are going to find someone that will love you like you deserve”, it is a manipulative tactic to avoid confrontation or uncomfortable moments of crying, pretty much telling you how to feel, and again, most likely had someone already lined up, and do not stay as friends, sometimes is sincere, but with this manipulator most likely wants to keep you in the rotation or another famous sentence they use to avoid a scene.
Six months is a very short relationship. It makes sense that he would stick around to see if things grew, and when he realized they didn’t then he bounced.
> I don’t understand how there wasn’t chemistry??
The “how” of chemistry is ineffable. But maybe what’s confusing is that you two have different approaches. Maybe you’re the kind of person who won’t get into a relationship that doesn’t already have chemistry on your side, and he’s the kind of person who doesn’t always have immediate chemistry but attraction can grow with time.
Truly I don’t think anything he has said is unrealistic or unreasonable, and maybe you should question if the reason why you’re asking that is because you want to feel angry as an outlet for how hurt you are.
You can be a great wife to someone, but you still need compatibility and attraction.
He could see that you had the qualities and maybe he hoped the attraction could grow, but it didn’t. Best it happen sooner than later. Some men marry their “perfect wife” and then cheat on her.
When we love someone, we ignore all the obvious signs and words for the tiniest crumbs we get. For instance, you’re ignoring the fact that the man clearly says you two aren’t compatible but are paying attention to insignificant things such as him calling you hun. This is how our hearts convince us there’s still hope when there isn’t. No man would say that he doesn’t see compatibility with someone he wants EVEN if he doesn’t see compatibility. It’s just the hard truth. So process the pain, cry if you feel like it, eat some carbs if you’re sad, put on a youtube tutorial and do your makeup on days when you’re feeling lifeless, and get over him one day at a time but please stop feeding on the crumbs he’s giving you, don’t contact him and focus your energy on moving forward.
It’s not uncommon for one partner to feel this way after a time. However, he approached the topic in one of the worst ways. Short version: while you two may get along, the chemistry was one sided at best (likely you felt it towards him). Live and learn, move on, and let him go.
He stayed because he was settling for you.
You aren’t what he deems “the complete package ” no matter how hard you loved him and tried to make him happy.
Chemistry varies person to person. Some people don’t want to sacrifice what they deem a “necessity” (the necessity could be: health conscious, great lover, be a size 6. have many things in common with him, same ambition, same goals, see eye to eye on everything including politics). When they do they stay in a relationship with a person because the “other stuff makes it up”. The other stuff could be: excellent cook, ambitious, humble, thoughtful of others, and manages the home life a pro. If the sex is mediocre always has been mediocre and no matter how hard they tried to make the sex exciting….it just ends up mediocre, they understand its something they are willing to accept and live with because the other stuff (cooking, ambition, humility, support system, extremely devoted) is something they cannot live without.
He’s being honest and it’s not an insult to you. He’s saying there’s a guy out there you will click with….he just never clicked with you.
That sounds pretty honest. People try to force connections all the time; he just recognjzed that ya’ll weren’t right together.
He was scared of commitment. One of his worst fears was me leaving him for someone else & he stated always feeling detached in his other relationships & he doesn’t know what love is. All red flags I should have saw.
Sounds like he couldn’t be more honest or clearer v
he’s being honest but you honestly don’t have to stick around this guy you do what u gotta do girl
I’m pretty sure my ex stayed with me for 8 years because he didn’t want me to stop being his friend. Just be happy he’s releasing you to find your path now. Believe him and move on to find someone who is like “hell yeah I want to be with you, hell yeah I love having sex with you, hell yeah we have a future together”
What do you think and feel about him
Rejection sucks but it’s part of dating. Stop over analyzing everything, learn from it and move on
I’ve had breakups for all sorts of reasons, including one where we were head over heels for each other and he suddenly lost feelings/got cold feet and broke it off. It hurts just as much whether you believe them or don’t, and whether you can understand or can’t, when one person wants to break up and the other doesn’t.
Lizzo said it best – “if he don’t love you anymore, just walk your fine a** out the door.”
Personally, I’ve never regretted making a clean break and not staying friends in the moderate to long run. I have regretted trying to stay friends and dealing with the complex emotions moving forward.
Thanks for the advice, I’ll be sure to add ‘perfect wife for someone else’ to my dating profile.
Girl he’s just not that into you. Don’t worry about. The right guy is out there.
It hurts but listen he told you what’s up so don’t waste time trying to twist his words into something he didn’t say. He told you how he felt point blank; believe him. Best option for you long term is to cut off contact and move on. It hurts at first, it hurts a lot, but eventually you will get over it and see that this is the only way because you WILL find someone who will love, cherish, and celebrate you exactly how you need it to be and if you keep messing with this guy, he will only get in the way of you finding that for yourself. Staying friends with exes never works, you will never have a healthy relationships in the future where regular contact with an ex in the mix is a good idea.
He told you how he felt. What else do you need to know? It won’t be found here. If you don’t want to be friends block and/or move on.
I don’t think he’s being completely honest but he is trying to be nice.
His main reason is that he’s not sexually fulfilled. And he’s being vague about it. So there is something he needs and he’s either ashamed to ask you for it or it’s something that’s impossible for you to provide. Either way, it’s not about you.
He tried to stick it out and enjoy the rest of your relationship because everything else was great. That part actually is about you, it reflects your goodness and ability to be in a healthy relationship. He valued that so much that he tried to ignore whatever it was that he’s not revealing.
It’s a bummer but the breakup is what’s best and he’s trying to do it honorably. Respect his privacy and let go of the anxiety.
It actually sounds as though he was telling you the truth. I’ve had relationships in the past like that. Nice men but no spark. If it’s not there you can’t force it. I’d advise letting him go.
he straight up said he was going to cheat on you if he stayed, fuck this dude.
To be honest I’m not totally sure what advice you’re looking for, it seems like he’s been fairly straightforward
All I’m hearing is that he wanted to be friends so that he can keep you around while he messes with other people so when he was done he can go back to you so no be glad he left cuz he pretty much tried to break up with in a nice way so you can still feel like there’s a chance when there’s not. 6 months like dude I know if I want to commit after 3
Sounds valid to me. You guys had a relationship, he gave it time and like a lot of other people, it didn’t pan out to what they wanted/needed so he broke it off to let you both move on.
Are you clear on what his sexual needs are? How was the sex for you? Did you notice anything off?
He told you the truth, rather than cheat on you until someone better came along he gave it to you straight. I agree on not being friends with someone who rejected you but I can’t really fault this guy for doing a breakup the right way.
You have to give him props for being honest rather then cheating or dragging the relationship out. Sometimes it takes a few months to realize that the two of you aren’t compatible. Yes, it sucks, yes it hurts but it’s better to find out now rather then have invested years in the relationship
I know it was probably like a gut punch to get told this, but at least you only had 6 months invested. Chemistry either exists or not. You can really like someone, get along fine in terms of personality, maybe even be perfect with regards to general life philosophy, likes and dislikes, etc. But if you have little or no chemistry, sex is almost like masturbation. You can scratch the itch, but there isn’t much zing to it. Matter of fact you can have tremendous chemistry with someone with none of the other factors. It usually results in short but very intense affairs.
This whole thread is a hot fucking mess
I recommend checking OPs post history it’s a wild ride
He probably didn’t want to be alone so he kept you until it was a better time to let you go, or didn’t want to go sexless so he now probably has another option lined up so he can go right into the next hook up without to much off time in between, that would be my guess.
What happened here happens all the time. You met a nice person, had a nice time but didn’t fit right. He didn’t lead you on or lie to you, and he didn’t blame you. I’m sorry this happened but it’s probably the best break up experience you’ll have. He showed you respect and that says a lot. Just leave the situation knowing the issue wasn’t anything else other than compatibility.