We (24f,24m) met 2 months ago and only have been to one date (a week ago). As soon as we started talking he said that he’s not good at texting and asked if we could go grab a drink. I could’t go that day and after that we tried to arrange a date 5 more times. 2 times he invited me and I couldn’t go, 3 times I asked him and he wasn’t available. After that he “ghosted” me for almost a month and suddently message me a week ago and we were both able to go meet on that same day.
The date was wonderful and we kissed. It was super easy to talk to him, we shared so much about us and there was definetly a sparkle. I went there without any expectations and kinda just to pass time and it became one of the best dates I’ve ever had.
He made sure I was safe home that night and in the next day we both said that we enjoyed the night. After that I went for a one week vacation. Before that I asked him if we can hang out before I go and he said the he would love but that day he was busy helping his sister with some stuff. I asked if we would then meet when I will be back and he said that yes.
We didn’t talk for the entire week and I feel kinda anxious. I’m overthinking that he may forgot me, or met someone else, or just lose the interest. We only talked by messages once and it really showed that he’s not good at it so I kinda accepted it and never told him that it actually makes me a little bit worried. He would text back really quick and always answered my questions but the text were really simple. And now I don’t know if I should message him that I’m back in town or just wait for his text. Also I don’t know if he’s interested and if the way out relationship is going is normal… The only red flags were the 1 month ghosting and one time he said he would tell me if we can met the next day and then forget to tell me about it. How could someone forget?
Tl;dr – I asked about the second date but have to go to a week vacation. Now I don’t know if I should tell him I’m back or wait for him to reach out.
4 comments
You are way over thinking this. If you like him, then reach out.
Yes, let him know you are back.
Actually – I will go the other way on this one…
Normally, I would say just text him. To me, you missed a red flag. It should not take 5 attempts to setup a date. To me, a normal conversation goes like this:
– Hey! Want to grab some drinks tomorrow night?
– Oh, sorry, I am not available. Let’s get together next week!
– Sure! When are you available?
– Monday, Wednesday and Friday
– Cool! Wednesday works for me! Let’s get together Wednesday!
That’s one attempt. Maybe something comes up and you need a 2nd attempt. 5 attempts like that is insane.
If it’s not happening like that – there is something amiss. Either one or both of you are playing hard to get games (which doesn’t bode well for the relationship) – or someone is not prioritizing getting together (it’s not that important to them) – or your schedules are so completely incompatible that a relationship will not work out anyways. And then he ghosted for a month (my guess is that he was talking to someone else).
Given that very flakey history – and that he didn’t setup an explicit date for when you are back when he had the opportunity – personally, I would want him to put in just a touch more effort before I invested anything more in this guy.
It’s not that I think anyone should be chasing anyone – but I think you’ve been very open and accommodating and forgiving (of the ghosting) and have made it clear you are interested. It’s on him now in my books to put forth some effort.
JMO
Heavens to Betsy. Just send him a goddamn message.