Im 23 and have been “gay” since I was 19. By that I mean I lost my virginity to a man then, dated one seriously for a while but haven’t really tried dating over the past year while I focused on finishing school. Anyway, I don’t actually consider myself gay but actually bi or pan, I was really awkward and not that attractive in high school so no girls were really that into me. When I came to terms with my same sex attractions I found that dating men required less… confidence and putting myself out there I guess. It’s a little easier for men to approach you and all. I’ve built up confidence and self assuredness over the past few years tho. Lately I have a stronger desire to be with a woman, or at least try that out. But for all intents and purposes I’m “gay” in so far as my romantic and sexual history is concerned. I’ve done a little fooling around with girls before but no sex. Is this possible for me, how should I approach trying to date women? Should I tell them all of this and how? I am overall pretty “straight-passing” so I know women are attracted to me and usually assume I’m totally straight. Sex, of course, is something that stresses me quite a bit.
TLDR; how could a “gay” guy try to start dating women? This is all mainly directed at women btw.
4 comments
I would be transparent about it, like you were on here. The last dating apps I used a while ago, like Hinge or OkCupid, usually are more chill in terms of conversation and a bit more serious, whereas Tinder seems primarily a hookup app ( met nice people and friends there too though.) Don ‘t get dishearthened if you get a few stupid reactions, honesty is ultimately better and you might find the right person.
Well, first you should stop referring to yourself as “gay” and start actively referring to and thinking of yourself as either bi or pan, whichever label feels right. Plenty of straight people your age have never been with anyone at all so stop worrying about lack of experience and focus on getting to know some women who you are attracted to. Approach dating women as getting to know them to see if you two connect or not. Please don’t use terms like “straight-passing.” You do not want to date a woman who has an attitude like that so don’t embrace it yourself. You’re a bi (or pan guy) and that’s fine. There are a LOT of straight and gay and even other bi people who are biphobic and buy into all the bullshit anti-bi stereotypes or participate in bi-erasure so don’t feed that, and be on the lookout for people with these attitudes because they’re not right for you. But there are also a lot of people who understand that being bi or pan simply means attracted to more than one gender. I’ve dated bi men. They were great partners. Own your identity and treat anyone you date, regardless of gender, how you’d want to be treated. It’s as simple as that.
This comment might flare up a bit, but are you seriously asking women on how a man should date women? That is seriously flawed.
Ask a man who successfully dates women how to date women, WHAT WOMEN SAY THEY WANT IN A MAN AND WHO THEY ACTALLY END UP DATING RARELY ALIGN. I don’t know why, and women are amazing all the same, it’s one of the mysteries of the universe lol.
My advice is learn what is attractive to women from a successful man
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