I unintentionally switch my confidence level and I don’t know what triggers that.

34 comments

1. Are you overthinking it half of the time and just ‘going with the flow’ the other half? Could also be the setting, your mood, anything. I think many (if not most or all) people have this to some extent. I sure do sometimes.

2. Might have unresolved trauma. There is probably something about those interactions that is triggering your body into panic mode

3. Haha im the same. Im a different person every day. And i alter between the two on how social i am. Its weird

4. You are undergoing a transformation in your physiology and mindset. Your perception and ability to control your emotions are choices that you actively make. Many individuals tend to be passive when it comes to their emotions, but occasionally, circumstances align in a way that makes you feel invincible. This realization demonstrates your inherent capabilities. To attain that desired state, I recommend an exercise: visualize a specific moment when you felt incredibly confident and empowered. Enlarge the image in your mind, considering what you were wearing, what you were saying, and how your body language appeared. Now, associate that empowering moment with a physical action, such as tapping your hand or snapping a rubber band around your wrist. The purpose is to anchor the belief associated with that moment and reestablish the connection between the belief and a method that allows you to activate it at will.

   Hope that helps, great observation and a great question.

   TLDR: Perception is a bitch, be optimistic and confident in yourself. Find your true north, visualize yourself yo.

5. Thanks for posting. I also do this too!! I just wish I could be confident when I want to be!

6. It’s very likely that your confidence is related to how self-conscious you are (or aren’t). Alcohol tends to relax our self-judgement and inhibition.

   On the flip side, doing a self-inventory and thinking “I’m not feeling confident, I can’t think of good things to say” tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. It makes us more self-conscious, and more aware \ judgmental of every action and thought. And it can compound on itself.

   Here’s a few things to try:
   The next time you think “I don’t have good things to say”, try adding “…yet.” And realize that it’s okay to not have something great in mind right that moment – something may come out of the conversation as it goes along. Remember that a conversation is between two (or more) people, and no one is expected to carry conversation by yourself. The best conversations evolve from the participants.

   and / or…

   Realize that it’s fine to have only “okay” things to talk about. Most conversations start with pretty mundane things – work, the weather, sports, movies, pets, children. Some never go any deeper – and that’s fine too.

   and / or….

   If you catch yourself feeling what you described above, try to focus intently on the other person. What was the last word they said? What was the meaning behind what they said? What “vibe” do you get from their body language? If they looked away for a moment, what were they looking at? Putting the focus on the other person (or people) in the conversation will help get you out of your own head, and out of the internal inventory that fuels inner critic, increases our self-consciousness, and reduces our confidence.

7. Overthinking.

8. Might be worth ooking into Cyclothymia/bipolar, sounds a bit like some slight subclinical hypomania/depression. Even if you dont have a proper disorder, you might find some good advise.

   Also it could be a good idea to do mood tracking for a few weeks, maybe you find some pattern in relation to food, sleep, work, activities. It’s always good to better understand how things affect us.

   And regarding alcohol, no big surprise, that’s what alcohol does in the short term.

9. Sounds a bit like masking, which becomes very difficult to do if you’re tired or bored.

10. Confidence is very dependent on environment. For example, a show boating fighter will be confident in the ring but can completely freeze up when public speaking or during interviews. Environment is a big factor (this includes what people are around as well).

11. They probably happen because you are focused on your own self or your own truth and operate from your core. When you have a lot to say, they’re probably YOUR actual opinions, experiences, way of expression which all trigger conversation. When you’re “shy” you’re too worried about judgements from yourself and others, hence a blockage in your ability to communicate.
    You either have confidence or you don’t; it’s not a sometimes thing. It’s similar to winning, it’s a habit. Another way to articulate what confidence is about is trust in yourself and they can come in many different forms such as a social level, intellectual, physical, professional, emotional, public level, etc. You can be self assured in one area of your life but unsure in another but all-in-all that shouldn’t matter.
    Liquor bypasses inhibitions which makes it easier to talk but its a crutch.

12. I get this and its tied to my hormonal changes over my menstrual cycle. It could be that, or if you’re male then something messing with your brain chemistry. I find getting good sleep helps.

13. Check to see if it’s around certain individuals who judge you harshly and are overly critical. Don’t confide in them. If they are blunt, create endless drama etc, put in boundaries. Some times you are too busy defending yourself to see who the real problem is.

14. I mean, booze is called liquid courage for a reason…

15. Same! I call it ‘momentum’. If I have one solid interaction, I sometimes seem to be able to string multiple together for a time, and think of great things to say and engage most people calmly and confidently. The opposite is true too…when I fumble, I keep fumbling. My confidence (and lack thereof) seems to feed on itself. It comes and goes.

16. Bro this happens with me too. Glad I’m not the only one

17. Power. It’s power

    You feel confident because you feel you have everything under YOUR control. Things go South? That’s unfortunate, let’s move one. Feeling good ? Let’s flirt around, everybody loves me anyways. You feel this because you feel powerful.

    When not, you feel weak, unheard. Things go South? Oh my god it’s my fault, everyone hates me. Feeling good ? Let’s keep it to ourselves, we don’t want to be obnoxious around others… they’ll think I’m being cocky. You feel this because you DON’T feel powerful.

    I know. Because I am the same. Now go activate the switch and fuck everybody

18. Omg same!! Thanks for posting this! I know for me two things matter. First is my inner state which is how I’m feeling about myself and life at the moment. Second is the people I’m with or the energy of the group as a whole.

19. may I ask what your rough age is and if you are F/M?

20. You are ambivert, I feel that all the time

21. This happens to me especially at work lol and I tell them “It comes and goes” 🤣

22. 27 Me Me

23. Im confident and relaxed when talking to 1 person.. when talking to a group of collegues the social anxiety kick in

24. I’m 28 also feel like that (aand other things) I have depression and sozial anxiety.
    – Diagnosed and on meds

    As others said could be normal, could be other stuff, only a pro can tell you in person.

25. People you perceive as being confident all the time also likely feel this way, but you might only see them in situations where they feel confident.

    Also, it can be very situational. Imagine a go go dancer girl at a night club wearing a super revealing outfit with lots of people looking on her and feeling she’s attractive. She may look like and genuinely be super confident, but I bet a good percentage of them would feel weird or anxious when the setting changes walking to/from the venue.

    Or a 7 foot tall basketball player on the court vs on an airplane.

    I think its best to analyze why you feel confident when you do and know that there will always be times when you feel a little awky and it’s fine.

26. Do the people you feel confident/non-confident towards to often share the same attributes in appearance?
    (For example , small girls = confident )

27. I can relate to this a bit. The best thing to do is just forgive yourself when you have those bad moments, and focus on learning from the good ones. With time you’ll have more good than bad.

28. No seriously, as soon as I get aware I shutdown. It can happen mid conversation out of nowhere.

29. I know this sounds really bad but I used to have this when alcohol was involved. Thank fuck I didn’t develop a habit over it..

30. It can be helpful to try to identify any patterns or triggers that might be causing you to switch your confidence level. For example, are there certain situations or people that make you feel more or less confident? Once you’ve identified any patterns, you can start to develop strategies for managing your confidence level in those situations.

    It can also be helpful to practice mindfulness and self-reflection, as this can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings in the moment. This can help you identify any negative self-talk or limiting beliefs that might be contributing to your lack of confidence, and develop more positive ways of thinking about yourself and your abilities.

    Finally, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor, who can help you develop strategies for managing your confidence and identify any underlying issues that might be contributing to your struggles.

31. I have a similar thing so it’s scary when you don’t know what you’ll get. I talked in front of a mirror in my mind for a few minutes before a meet up and it really helped! I joked with myself and got to loosen up before I even talked to anyone else. I thought it was really bs advice the first time I heard it but I gave it a fair try and now I think I’ll be doing it again!

32. I’d bet, since the obvious answers don’t seem to be the correct, that similar to me when someone else ISNT confident, you feel confident, but when they are confident it like trips you up. I had to catch myself to learn to just be confident all the time basically but I used to be super confident with someone and then the very next person I’d struggle with

33. this happens to me all the time. just like color theory, the same color can look completely different depending on what it’s next to, but it’s still the same color. i usually attribute my personality changes to how the people around me make me feel.

34. this is because you are a normal person