So for context i(24M) just started dating an amazing girl(26F). This is my first time dating somebody older then me, which is exciting but also a little nerve wracking since it’s a different dinamic then what I am used to.
She is currently full-time employed as a project-lead in a small to medium sized company, while I’m still doing my degree (I’m finished in about 2.5 years).
She is very calm and mature in contrast to my previous relationships which I absolutely adore about her.
My worries is that since I don’t match her salary now and won’t before I finish up my degree that the relationship will be short lived.
We haven’t talked at all about income at this point, it might just be my insecurities speaking aloud.
Edit:
I want to make clear i’m not looking for somebody to support me through my last stretch in school, I’m just worried about the longevity of our relationship.
Edit 2:
Thanks for all the advice, in general it reaffirmed that I am headed in right direction. I’m just going to enjoy my time with her and let go of that silly stereotype.
Regarding me calling her older when it’s only a two year gap, she just has a mutch more mature air and bearing about her than my other relationships so in my mind that just makes a seem “older”
24 comments
Hey, man.
These are definitely your insecurities speaking aloud. Think of it this way, if she cared so much about your income, that would have been one of the first things she would have asked you. So it clearly doesn’t matter to her as it matters to you.
Let go of those old stereotypes; not everybody cares so much about income.
Don’t worry about that. She remembers how it is being in school. Just have a plan, stay ambitious and communicate. Y’all will be ok.
My dude
I make 3times what my man does.
It’s simple:
Don’t make her pay for everything
Dick her down well
Be emotionally supportive
Understand work may get in the way
Don’t dick down other women
Be honest
Communicate
Be proud of her
Touch her butt
Tell her how hot she looks in “insert favorite outfit”
Feed her tacos
Edit add: dont send photos of your peen to anyone but her.
Edit: thanks for the award!
Edit: thanks for the awardS!!
>We haven’t talked at all about income at this point, it might just be my insecurities speaking aloud.
talk about it, then. If you can fend for yourself, or find work in the meantime to develop your skills, then you can still increase your portfolio, self-confidence and be financially independent.
She is ONLY 2 years older than you. That’s NOTHING. It sounds like she has her shit together, and one dude to another, learn from her. She might be able to make you a Better man (a truly endless goal). Take your pride and toss it as far as you can. Enjoy her company, make her happy, let her make you happy. But DON’T consider a BLESSING as a curse. Sounds like you found a pretty badass woman. That’s RARE!
Just don’t make it a thing. I earn more than my partner and I hated the guys that made it weird that I was more educated or had more money. Just don’t bring it up. Treat her as you would anyone else. Its irrelevant
Don’t put her on a pedestal. Rather, listen to her and be present during conversations. Remember things she says and ask her about them later.
Don’t focus on her appearance—anyone can compliment her physical appearance but it takes effort to try to understand who she really is. Put in that effort to really see her.
Let her have space and independence—trust her and show her you are trustworthy.
Ask her love language and show that you’re trying to understand her and her needs. Nothing irks me more than men who assume I want words of affirmation or gifts. Nope. Bottom of the list with those. We’re not all the same.
Lol i saw the title and expected her to be like 10 years older, then chuckled when I saw it was only 2 😂
I don’t think it’s an issue at all if she makes more. I am NOT calling you this OP, as it’s just ingrained in us, but believing that the male should earn more is a sexist belief that the world still has.
I doubt she’ll care, as long as you’re not expecting her to pay for everything and as long as you’re still working on yourself and your goals. Which it totally sounds like you are!!
If you both make enough to support yourselves then money shouldn’t be an issue.
(It’s not like you guys are going to be taking each others money)
If she was a gold digger you’d know by now. Don’t worry about the income differences.
Just enjoy the relationship. 🙂
Woman. She’s 26. She’s a woman.
Unless she’s berating you for still being in school/making less money than her… what’s the problem?
I’m wondering why you describe her as “older” like an age difference of two years is some big deal?
As for salaries, they don’t always stay constant through time.
For me, if someone has drive and has a vision for where they want to be and actually work towards getting to where they want to get it doesn’t matter where you are right now. Show her that you’re self motivated and do not try to compete with her, you’ll be fine 🙂
Would it be a huge deal if you made way more than her? I personally don’t think it matters. I make more than my boyfriend and will potentially make 4 times as much next year. It’s really not a big deal. I just see it as good for both of us.
i would love to be a trophy bf,
This girl is a keeper. Please don’t be insecure, I don’t speak for all women but I’m not bothered if my bf has lesser net worth than he thought. Don’t overthink this. I’m just trying to get by and have someone to be with. Set aside the money issue, if you’re both stable then good but don’t be comparing yourself it will just create uncertainty.
Don’t even think about it, homie. Just go on dates, have fun, pay unless she insists (go on inexpensive dates if that’s a problem), don’t talk about work/income/finances, and see where things go. If you haven’t had the exclusivity talk, do not assume she is exclusively seeing you.
My late husband didn’t start college until after I finished so I always had a head-start on salary. Now that I’m back in the dating market, I still make more than any of my dates. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. She’s looking for a companion, not a provider.
You’re a student.
She knows you’re a student.
You don’t have a problem.
Treat her well.
bro I swear 24 year olds are so up their asses about age differences. no offense OP but once you get a few more years on you you’ll realize how dumb you sound. I’m 27 and whenever my slightly younger friend rants about “older” and “younger” women (which are literally just a 2 or 3 years difference than him) or how “gosh golly im 24 im getting soooo OLLLLD” I want to slap the crap out of him.
Sometimes a relationship isn’t about money and usually it’s a far healthier one. My significant other earns a lot more than me, but that is in part because I have a health condition that classifies me as disabled and limits my earning potential. I make some money via other sources but at the end of the day, she’s the one with the consistent job that is close to 6 figures.
She is with me because we connected and I do my best to offer other elements to the relationship apart from money. She says I help keep her sane, do a lot of the general house stuff and simply make her happy. And I am happy.
A healthy relationship.
So basically focus on making YOURSELF a better person along with supporting her in other ways. Even if you end up with a job with half the salary if you are both happy and content why worry? For now, your focus is your degree and she seems to not care about that, or she wouldn’t be dating you. If, when the time comes to get that job, you want to feel like you are contributing through money, then work towards that goal. BUT DO NOT MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP ABOUT WHO EARNS MORE OR MONEY ITSELF IF YOU CAN.
First of all, she’s hardly an “older woman”. She’s in her mid 20s, 2 years older than you. Lol. Not that big a deal, was just bugging me
More to the point, are you worried about longevity because her higher salary bothers you? Or because it bothers her? Why would her making more money than you necessarily lead to a short-lived relationship?
“Older”? Dude there are lots of people with your age gap who went to kindergarten together
Bro what? She’s two damned years older. I’ve met with people TWICE my age 💀😭