Husband called me by his exes name.

33 comments

1. My wife calls me by her exes name every day. We have the same name.

2. If you don’t usually fight, and he often fought with his ex, then it would make sense that her name would be the first name to come to his mind while fighting. Brains also do strange things, sometimes you come up with the entirely wrong name for no reason at all. It doesn’t always have a deeper meaning.

3. I called my husband by my ex’s name once. I was really worked up and angry, couldn’t find words, and was thrown back into how I felt in that relationship. Ex’s name came out. He overlooked it and we moved on.

4. I was mad at my husband one day, and I called him my ex’s name. I apologized profusely. But I was with my ex for 25 years, so it just popped in my brain. LOL

   He called me his ex’s name once. He was all snuggled up to me, and I said “I love you,—-husband’s name—-.” He responded, “I love you, ——his ex’s name—–.” THAT was hard to swallow, but he was apologetic, and they were together for more than 20 years (and this was just a few months into our relationship).

   Try not to take it personally. Sometimes our wires just get crossed.

5. Ive done this to my wife a handful of times. Each time its super embarrassing, but when you have more than a decade of exasperated pleas to a certain name sometimes the emotion and instinct overtake what you rationally.

6. Omg! Yes! I have called my husband “Mike” more than once. He was my boyfriend 30 years ago! If it was during sex I’d be more concerned.

7. My husband called me his exs name during a fight years ago.

   He said, “I’m so used to fighting with her, I’m sorry”

   He’s never called me her name in bed. That would be an issue

8. … i think you are overblowing this if JEALOUSY is the root cause.

   He probably called you that name accidentally. Probably because you were exhibiting behavior that reminded him of similar behaviors from ex (most likely one that caused the ex status)

   Now if he called you that during sex, there’s another term for that

9. I can’t tell you how you should feel. It happenes its not like it’s something that done on purpose or a regular occurrence it’s a reaction from an argument.

   I’ve done the same. I also have a child with ex thars now a young adult. Naturally, we would argue if there was disagreement over something regarding our child.

10. Yes, my first husband did this in the early months of our marriage – turns out he was actually having an affair with her. Before,during, and after our marriage (well, the after doesn’t count because we weren’t together anymore)……and we weren’t even arguing! Urgh. It hurt…

11. I did it once.

    It’s just his brain glitching out for a second.

    Ever have no ability to recall a word you have used thousands of times? It’s like that, just really painful and uncomfortable in the moment.

12. My dad and mom both did this with subsequent spouses when that spouse triggered something from the past. One of them ended the marriage and the other worked through it.

13. You triggered in him whatever negative emotion he experienced with his ex. When my husband annoys me for attention, I rant and accidentally call him by our daughters name because he’s behaving like her at that moment and provoking the same feelings she does when she acts that way.

    I don’t know anything but this post about your married so I have no idea how big of a deal it is to you and how you should deal with it.

14. Married 14 years the first time. We are still very good friends. Married 8 years to 2nd husband. I have called him my 1st husband’s names plenty of times. He doesn’t care at all.

15. Freudian slip.

16. I don’t have direct experience of this, but would like to share anyway.

    We have a friend that was going through a divorce and she said her ex husband’s name, instead of her new partner. Me being as stupid as i can be, I made a bit of cheeky comment about it, like “ohh no you didn’t” and she instantly bollocked me and put me in my place.

    She said “I have been married to home for over 20 years, so of course I will say his name every now and again”.

    Looking back now, I see how easy the mistake could be but nothing meant by it.

17. Yes it has , don’t worry

18. That makes absolute sense! Let me explain, I am now divorced after 26 years, and the trauma and anger at a spouse in my case, for infidelity, doesn’t really ever go away, you learn to deal to compartmentalize it, you don’t and you put up some sort of mental block up so you don’t even have to think about it anymore. That’s how you survive. However, I have found that when I get upset about something, maybe something at work? Or maybe something I read? And I get upset, that anger is mentally intwined with the trauma that I went through. He’s not calling you, by his exes name, he’s angry and upset, and when that happens, the intertwined anger that he still has for his ex comes out, it’s understandable, and it really is a mental thing, no, it shouldn’t happen all the time, that would be bad. But now and then, I’m telling you it’s neurological.

19. Yes. In the beginning and while he was very hurt in the hospital. I never for a moment held it against him. What we’re you arguing about? I’d just let it go. If you make a big deal out of something like this he’ll really start associating you with that name.

20. Yes my husband has definitely called me by his ex’s name while we argued. But we kinda laughed about it

21. When my marriage is going poorly I start to replace the name of one of my ex husbands in my brain for my current husband. I never said it out loud but for sure you are triggering bad memories for him since it was during a fight.

22. She mustev been talking about him to someone. Its a superstitious thing my grama says all the time.

23. I have called my own children by the wrong name when in trouble (usually either my brothers name or their brothers name) I wouldn’t take it personal

24. Its simply a fraudian slip or sign of memory issues if something else memory wise has happen before or often. But high emotional stress can cause various reactions

25. Once, early on, he called me by someone else’s name. Ex, friend idk and idc. It never happened again.
    I also called him my ex’s name once, also early on.
    We both moved past it. Memories are weird like that sometimes and if something connects person a to person b, you can fudge up names.

    Only time I’d see it as a problem is if it became a habit.

26. My husband slipped once and did this, got really embarrassed and apologized profusely and I laughed it off. He and his sister had been reminiscing about how crazy that ex was moments before so the name was just at the front of his mind. I didn’t care but poor guy was mortified. It happens.

27. My wife has never called me by her exes name, but unfortunately, I have called her by mine. I can tell you it was completely unintentional. It really was nothing. I can’t even explain it to myself. I wouldn’t worry if he wasn’t taking a poke at you because you were fighting. If it was intentional, then worry.

28. I wouldn’t be concerned about that unless he says his exes name during sex😐

29. My husband called me his ex before and I have called him my exes names before. Sometimes it happens. Not a big deal.

30. I did this to my wife early in our relationship. She took it well, though it hurt her feelings. It was during a stressful moment that was reminiscent of my old wife. It happens. Let him apologize and just chalk it up to muscle memory in tense situations.

31. Ouch. Unless he hates her guts and you’re reminding him of her, I would imagine during this “rocky patch,” he’s in communication with her. There’s no other reason for the slip, especially after seven years. If your relationship was new, sure, but seven years? I don’t see it.

    It’s never happened to me, and I’ve never called my wife by an ex’s name – not even close, and we’ve had many “rocky patches” over the years.

    Sorry you’re hurt. Gluck

32. Usually when I call someone the wrong name, it’s because they are reminding me of that other person in the way they are acting or I’m in a situation that other person had put me in in the past, etc..

    It’s likely that he was reminded of his ex during your fight, maybe they fought a lot of maybe it was a fight they had had before, or maybe whatever he was feeling during the fight was similar to how he felt when with the ex.

    I would be a bit offended as well and my first thought would be that he was seeing her again or talking to her or arguing with her or whatever, but when I think about the times I’ve accidentally called someone by another persons name, it’s not for that reason, it’s for the reasons I’d listed above.

33. Yes of course it has happened. And I brushed it off as nothing, because that’s exactly what it was.