Why does my wife expect me to automatically get hard when taking care of her?

27 comments

1. Maybe that’s how it worked with her previous lovers?

2. We have terrible sex education in the US. I’m guessing you’re American?

   My suggestion would be to just talk to her. She’s likely anxious you don’t find her sexy. Tell her that’s not how human bodies work, that you love her and think she’s gorgeous even when you don’t have a boner, that lots of things can influence whether or not you get one, and that putting pressure on you to have one/maintain one is likely to do nothing but exacerbate the problem.

3. Likely because she buys into the nonsense that men are sex crazed animals, machines that are always hard. If you’re not hard, you’re not turned on, so you’re not into her.

   You need to sit down and explain to her in a non sexual situation that this isn’t how the male body works. Maybe when you’re 16, but while you will get hard when you’re aroused, it doesn’t stay hard without physical stimulation.

   I dearly love giving oral to my wife. But if I don’t stroke it some during, I’m going to lose my erection by focusing on what I’m doing.

4. “Q: What’s the definition of a second honeymoon?

   A: It’s when HE sits on the side of the bed and cries because it is too small.”

5. Why doesn’t she warm you up?

6. Im the same, i get hard initially, and it can come back during giving her oral, but often I focus on her so losing it is normal.

   She needs to learn how men, and most importantly you work. Have a talk, if she is understanding and cares about you that should be no problem.

7. So after you “warm her up” does she return the favor?

   Because it sounds like she wants you to “warm her up” then jump right into sex without her returning the favor.

   I think that’s the problem.

8. Have you…. Talked to her? Just a suggestion.

9. She needs to to be educated. Not everyone is informed. Unfortunately porn has killed reality and created false expectations in men and women.
   Have a sit down and talk to her.

10. 69

11. Tell her. “Hey honey. I need to talk about our sex life a bit. There’s something that isn’t currently working for me and I’m hoping you’ll understand and be willing to work on it together, so that I can enjoy the sex we have. You know how need foreplay to get yourself physically ready for penetration? And that without it you won’t enjoy it and PIV can’t happen? I love giving that to you. Something you may not know however, is that I need that too. I need some foreplay and attention from you to get hard for penetration. This is what I need <state preferences>”

    Have the conversation when you’re both dressed and when sex isn’t on the cards. Expect her to perhaps be surprised, and possibly defensive because, although you’re not accusing her, she’s learning that she’s been neglecting your needs. People often lash out instead of taking this on board

12. You just need to tell her that your cock does not have a on/off button. If she does not understand give her a example. Like if she thinks she just lies on the bed like a corpse its not on.

13. There’s so much talk about how little men understand vaginas, but to be fair a lot of women don’t understand penises either.

14. >How do I stop it?

    By telling your wife how erections work. If she’s a sensitive human being and is open to learn new things, she’ll understand you’re not always “ready to go.”

15. She sounds like an ego maniac and doesn’t understand how penises work.

16. Because she sounds toxic. Ngl if my wife told me she’s “over it” in the bedroom I’d start rethinking the relationship. That’s not something you should tell your partner.

17. If she’s not putting in the work to get you hard then no Dice.
    No offense but this is a weird mentality some ladies have and they put in no effort whatsoever to please their partner.

    Why doesn’t she get wet automatically???
    We are living things not robots

18. She has toxic beliefs about men and sex and needs to get over herself and accept that you’re human and have personhood.

    Good luck.

    Since you’re married you may have to escalate to a sex therapist or couple’s counselor, especially since that kind of toxic belief rarely is the only one present in a person when it appears.

19. Tell her you want her to get instantly wet when you just look at her.

20. Education. Her expectations are incorrect about how our erections work. But you already know that. Your task is to find a way to help her understand, believe, and embrace this new knowledge that she doesn’t have yet.

    If she’s stubborn about it, gently remind her that being stubborn won’t solve anything. Only by working together, as a team, will resolve this issue.

21. You talk to her and explain that may have been the case as a teenager but as you get older it requires more stimulation for you to get aroused. It’s fucking bullshit what she’s doing.

22. Perhaps you should suggest that you warm each other up at the same time in future. This way you’re both ready to go at the same time.

23. Cialis + a good silicone based lube like Exxtreme Glide Silicone, Pjur Backdoor, Uberlube… did it for me.

    Cialis is now a rarity, but the silicone based lube is a must.

24. Because she has watched too much porn and women think men are robots?

25. Hi! I’m new here I love how hot the topic is

26. A lot of women don’t care to understand how male arousal works; she sounds incredibly selfish. Talk to her about it, or stop giving her foreplay until she reciprocates

27. When she’s able to put her emotions to the side and listen to logic maybe just maybe you can stop it. Some women are so stuck in they’re ways and how social media describes men it’s like talking to a wall.