I met up with a woman of Bumble BFF for a coffee/bite and she was nice, friendly. We had a few things we connected over, writing especially and it’s nice to connect over a shared interest. There were a few awkward silence moment, but to be expected right? We chatted for an hour and then seemed to run out of things to talk about and decided to wrap it up.
I’d catch up with her again, but I think I’ve realised my toxic trait – I love banter and connecting over humour. That’s my way in and creates a feeling of camaraderie, and for greater conversation/connection to flow.
I think it’s because I’m kinda weird and quick witted, so while it’s only one part of my personality (I’m also a very deep thinker) – it feels like part of my expression
As an example, I met my best friend in a group catch-up a few years ago. We’d both expressed love for a certain movie (the others hadn’t watched it) and afterwards she messaged me saying it was nice to find another fan and funny messages/banter ensued and we ended up catching up just us 2 weeks later. And we basically never stopped messaging.
Our connection and intimacy has definitely grown, we can chat for hours and have a deep and meaningful, but I feel we can also be ourselves and be silly and free. I suppose you won’t always that ease in a connection but I think I subconsciously compare other friendships against it.
I don’t have social anxiety and no issue about meeting new people, I think you just sometimes have friend chemistry with some more than others. But I’m also aware that banter isn’t always a good indicator of friendship, hence why I was humorously wondering if this was kinda toxic. Or maybe I’m just playful and that’s the end of it. Maybe the reality is – it’s takes time to get more comfortable with other people so banter supports that connection to lead to greater connection? Vulnerability USA beautiful thing but I think it also takes time otherwise it can feel hollow, like you’re sharing but not seeing the other person. It’s like someone telling you they were in a toxic relationship the second time you meet them and having compassion, even though you’re still getting to know them. Vs them opening up and sharing that story a few months of knowing you. They’d probably share more details, you’d probably have a better understanding of them and really see their strength etc.
Relationships of any kind take time.
Thoughts?
3 comments
I am a lot like you and most people I interact with cannot do the banter thing at all. I don’t even try anymore. Not to be a downer, but, people seem to just be very serious or taking life very seriously and aren’t playful and silly. Or they may be, but only with select people and they need a lot of time to get to that point with someone, whereas, I can pretty much immediately go there.
Banter sounds like humour at the expense of the person you are talking to. This is a common occurrence among groups of boys but not really the thing for dating. If you’re both laughing at something else, then I guess that’s better.
Do you initiate banter? Because I generally won’t be playful or joke with people who seem like they wouldn’t reciprocate it. My socializing style often relies on matching the other person’s energy