Im 18 and from 17 till now I’ve had two sexual relationships and both of those relationships were purely transactional, each time was basically me paying for sex. The first was with a woman who was double my age and said she would treat me if I treated her we had sex I realised the situation was toxic and left it alone. The next was a girl who was a couple years older than me who I wanted something more with but she only wanted money and material things from me aswell I should have seen it coming because this girl does sugar dating with older men which is basically glorified escorting but I think my loneliness got to me and I thought I could get something real. What I really need help on is how I can rebuild my self esteem and also in the future when I encounter my wife how should I let her know that I paid for sex at least in my head I have.
2 comments
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I’d start by dating people who are age contemporaries to get away from the big imbalances in life experiences and resources. Go for people you actually like and respect and who feel the same about you. In terms of telling your future wife, this is your journey and you can share as much (or as little) as you choose to but what you describe sounds as much like a couple of flings as it is transactional.