My (25F) boyfriend (24M) and I were planning on moving in together…and with a month to go he changed his mind.

My (25) boyfriend (24) and I were planning on moving in together…and with a month to go he changed his mind.

Hi reddit, thanks for taking the time to read this post. My BF and I have been together for about 6 months. It is his first relationship, but I have had a few relationships in the past and lived together with a previous ex for 2 years. I know it’s fast, but we have spent every single day together in the past few months and I knew a few months after meeting him that he was the guy I was going to marry someday, I have never felt this way with any ex. When both of our leases were ending, the topic of moving in together naturally came up. It would have been me and him in one room, and our mutual friend in the other. We all started looking for places together, we scheduled tours, we bought paintings to put on the wall, etc. Every time I asked him to talk to his family about it, he said he would wait until he was back home to have the conversation in person. He talked to a few friends about it and they basically said the usual, it’s early, take some time to think about it and gave him the pros and cons of when they moved in with their partners.

Everytime he and I talked about it, he was sure this was what he wanted to do. I asked so many times and he always said he was ready. Last week, he left for break. He was gone for 24 hours and everything changed. He talked to his sister about it (who has never lived with a partner) and suddenly changed his mind. He called me saying it might be too soon, and that he wants to eventually work towards moving in together in the future but not now.

I’m crushed. It’s not even about moving in together, it’s about how quickly he changed his mind and that he ‘didnt realize ‘ he wasn’t ready despite being so sure for months. It’s that it all flipped in a DAY. It’s that we made so many plans together for them to come crashing down, that he went from being so sure of moving in together to being so sure he wasn’t ready. My sense of trust in this man is destroyed. How am I supposed to believe anything he tells me he feels now, when he’s so sure but his mind can change so quickly or he can realize how he felt wasn’t real overnight? He knows I have a daughter from a previous relationship, and he has told me over and over that he’s completely fine with this and loves kids. But how am I supposed to believe that after he talks to his family about her that his mind won’t change again? That he might not have ‘realized’ he wasn’t ready and every sense of security I had can vanish again? He is so close with his family, and it’s been a huge point of contention between us. His mom doesn’t even know me and when he told her he was dating someone, instantly didnt like me, would make so many snide comments to him about me, knowing NOTHING about me. He is so overprotected by them and so vulnerable to anything they tell him.

When I asked him what changed, he said that he was worried because our relationship has been going so well and he’s worried that introducing new variables is going to ruin everything. What new variables? We’ve been unofficially living together for months already. We’ve gotten into stupid fights and still ended the night in the same bed and worked through them the next day. If he had just talked to me about the concerns he was having instead of making it seem like he was decided it wasn’t going to work, maybe things would be different.

I don’t know what to do. My trust is gone and this feels like a deal breaker, like I can’t ever look at him the same way again.