Myself and partner have never wanted kids and made a decision together not to have them. We want to enjoy our time together and be able to travel without the financial and emotional burden of kids.

I understand some people think the exact opposite. Just curious as to why that is.

34 comments

  3. 1. It’s one of the purest forms of love that my wife and I share with each other
    2. re-ecountering the mysteries of the world through our children’s eyes renews our own sense of wonder and gratitude.
    3. Carrying part of ourselves and our culture (and that of our ancestors) into the future fulfils a personal philosophy I aspire to – the ‘contract between the generations’

    We’re not here for long. Becoming a parent is one of the greatest adventures a human can undertake. It might go terribly wrong, like all things. But the older I get, the more I realise these challenges give life its meaning.

  4. It’s a large part of the adventure of life, being a father. I wanted to experience it. I thought I’d be good at it. I thought the children I brought into the world could contribute in a positive way just like I have been.

    Why live if you aren’t going to suck the marrow out of the bones of life? Being a parent is some of that marrow. Yes, it means there are other things that are more difficult to do, but it’s been worth it.

  5. I really never had a childhood, yes I was a child that grew up, but around the time I was 13, 14 I was working and going to school. I wanted out of the disfunction I was born into. I wanted to experience that family life I saw my piers have but every day go back to mine. I craved it as a young man and that desire turned into determination to change my situation. As long as I could remember I always told myself that no child should have to deal with the shit I went through and it stuck.

  6. >without the emotional burden of kids

    Not everyone views a family as a “burden”. Like yes having kids will be more work but people who have a happy family will view it as a net positive where their hard work pays off in the long run rather than viewing it as some pain in the ass burden.

    It’s like how some people prefer working more hours because they like having extra money, whereas some people prefer working fewer hours because they like having less stress.

    Personally I’m not ready for kids but I know I want them someday because I want to at least try to have a happy family and give the gift of life and positivity, as well as be surrounded by people I love and who love me as I grow old.

  7. I sort of always thought I wanted to have a family, just “at some point”. And that hadn’t quite arrived when my girlfriend, now wife, said “this is really important to me”.

    So with my eldest, the timing was decided by the fact that I loved my girlfriend and wanted more than anything in the world for her to be happy.

    But actually being a dad was an epiphany. I adored my girlfriend and loved my brothers and sisters and parents. But absolutely nothing compared ever to how much I loved my son.

    And no one gives love back like kids. I remember walking through the front door at the end of a long, hard day and a shitty commute. At the time, we lived in an upstairs apartment. You walked through the front door and straight up the flight of steps.

    My 2-year-old son had already seen me through the window when I was at the end of the street. So he had rushed to wait at the top of the stairs for me. When I opened the door, he was standing there, holding the safety gate, grinning and jumping up and down with excitement.

    I had no presents, no sweets or treats. And he wasn’t expecting any. He was just that happy to see me. I remember just standing there and thinking that no one in my life had ever been so excited to see me walk through a door that they uncontainably jumped up and down on the spot, not before.

    My by-then wife felt exactly the same about being a mother. So that’s why we decided to have our next two kids. And neither of us has ever regretted it, not even when we get the bills for the cost of keeping the eldest at university

    EDIT: Thank you for all the constructive comments and the very many lovely ones, and for the award!

    EDIT 2: Guys, thank you very, very much for all the Reddit awards. It’s really kind of you.

  8. Just a different mind set, don’t see children as a burden they enhance our life. Having children doesn’t stop you from travelling and they’re someone else to enjoy new things with.

  9. I make plenty of money, so it’s not that much of a burden for me. Whether or not they’re a burden depends a lot on how you raise them. If you spend time with them and raise them well, then they’re a lot of fun. If you neglect them, then they can be a nightmare.

  10. I always wanted to be a dad. I want to mentor kids, especially my own kids. I am competitive by nature and it seemed the biggest challenge to undertake, to be a good parent seemed both very difficult but even more rewarding. I guess I just saw becoming a dad as a great investment in not only my life but the community too. My whole world is enriched by my kids and by my fatherhood.

  11. I never wanted kids. I’m selfish and want to spend my money on me. I was never really close to my nephews because I was never comfortable around kids.

    Then, at 42 years old I met her. A simple day walking my dog and she stops to pet him. She already had a 6-year old boy and he was pretty easy to be around. It was kind of cool having a little guy around.

    We got married a couple years later and I decided I wanted to have a baby. It was 100% because of my wife. I wanted to create something with her. That was the main driving force. I had also spend majority of my life focusing on me. I had great hobbies, I traveled, etc. I wanted to focus on raising a little one.

    I’m now a 50 year old with two kids under 5. It’s exhausting and ungodly expensive. But these little fuckers are the highlight of my life. They are so amazing. It’s a feeling that can’t be properly conveyed to another person. You can only comprehend this feeling when you have them.

  12. I’ve always liked the idea of making my own family. Even if parents bitch a lot about their kids, they say it’s still one of their best decisions. Not for everyone though.

    But there’s just something about making an entire individual. You mold, grow, and help them become their very own person. You put love, time, and work to see them live a life that you helped create.

    Even though I am a gay man and can’t have biological children, they would still be my own. I’ll put every ounce of love and effort to see them happy. Though the adoption process seems rough. Kids are already expensive, imagine having to put a down payment for one.

    Side note, I have a bunch of little cousins. And they’ve taught me that little kids are stupid and hilarious. They can be great entertainment.

  13. I was kind of anti kids when I was younger. They annoyed me mostly and I never pictured myself as a dad.

    But after meeting the love of my life, the thought of having children crept up on me more and more. Ended up with 3 such creatures and I don’t regret it one bit.

    One’s stance on the issue of kids can change as you progress through life.

  14. To some extent it was fear of regret. The idea of growing old and realizing I wanted kids but not having them was, well, about the saddest thing I could imagine, especially for my wife. We weren’t 100% sure, but the biological window was closing for her, so we took the plunge. Our son turns 4 in a few weeks and he has been the light of our lives, simply the best thing we have ever done and the most important person in the world to me.

    So I dont know if the “fear of regret” is just how my internal motivations work, but now it is so obvious to both of us that we did want kids, badly. But it never felt like a 100% yes, no question kind of thing. And we never felt totally “ready” either. But now, looking back I am 1000% sure and I would trade everything in my life for the joy of having my son.

  15. I felt like I’d done everything, career, money, cars, clothes, house, hot partner, muscles etc, I was actually one of those people who scorn parents or laugh at the issues kids bring, now I’m a couple of years into having my son I realise much like a fit body in your fourties, the things that matter most in life don’t involve money, you can’t buy a fit body like you can’t buy a child, nurturing and caring for a child is one of the most enriching things I’ve ever done and I wake up each day smiling from ear to ear at how lucky I am.

    I also have a son and obviously I see the hurdles to potential that I experienced growing up so you have like a mission each day to be selfless and make sure your decisions don’t impact the child, that has also made me a far better person now.

  17. I respect your decision, I think more people should do that. I chose to have kids because I felt comfortable either way, and always felt I didn’t need kids to validate my existence or anything deep like that.

    My wife was 100% all in on kids, hehe. It is a HUGE emotional and financial responsibility, BUT so worth it for me. My twins are 5 now and I’ve learned soo much. They break you to build you up and raise you in some ways as much as we raise them.

    There are so many spiritual moments and connections. However, the same moments and connections can be found in so many relationships, not just with kids. I get angry when I hear people talk down about couples who choose to not have kids. Like, do you want people don’t want kids to have kids? That’s why we have problems. Good for you and your partner for knowing yourselves. Hey, if you change your mind it’s a win-win situation

  18. I always wanted a little family, but I was going to start one until my life reached a sufficient level of stability. This even caused the end of one long-ish relationship because she wanted kids immediately.

    There’s a lot of stuff I enjoy doing that just can be more fun with kids, like going to the beach, zoos, amusement parks, canoeing, hiking, biking, and camping.

    I’m also fortunate in that my career allowed me to tick off most of my bucket list travel destinations at a young age prior to having kids. There’s still some places I want to see, but I’ve already done enough that I don’t feel like these years with young kids who don’t travel well will be lost time.

    Something that I’ve also observed in my medical career that also influenced my decision to have kids. Most people don’t want to think about this, but the reality is that most of us will probably need variable degrees of assistance in our twilight years. Elderly people with involved, supportive families tend to do better and stay out of assisted living and nursing homes longer that those without kids.

  19. Because my life philosophy is that it isn’t about me. For me my greatest joy is about investing in others. So I knew I wanted a family I could spend my life with and love and devote my life to loving them. And as others have said, there is nothing like coming home to a wife and kids who love you and are excited to see you. That is a joy that is unmatched by any selfish pleasure in the world.

  20. I had great parents and always knew I wanted to be a parent.

    Of course there’s a financial burden, but emotional burden? It’s a responsibility, but I wouldn’t really call it a burden.

  21. I have one kid and I absolutely love that kid. I can’t imagine my life without her. I think the mistake people have is having too many or multiple kids. I have one child and honestly, my life is not that much different than when I had no kids. I find people with multiple children are more stressed. The time and financial burden can be a lot. My daughter is 9. Life get easier every year as she gets older. Also my boyfriend have a 14 year old and he feels the same as me. We’re young enough to have kids together but we said nope. Our kids are big. It’s easy with a 9 and 14 year old. I can’t imagine us with a newborn. We decided when we marry, we will not have children together and he plans to get a vasectomy.

  22. Wanted to have the family I never had…well I had them but it didn’t go so well lol

  23. They fit into smaller tunnels and you can scam them into getting paid less. I bought a bunch for half price and the investment paid off in mere years since the mine opened.

  24. Another person to love, another person to be loved by.

    Is parenthood always fun and happiness and rainbows? No. Like many worthwhile things, parenthood can be demanding and draining and scary and hard. But there’s more love in my life now than ever before and I wouldn’t change that for anything.

  25. I just loved my dad so much. So I have always known I wanted to be a dad since I was a little kid. I used to try and imagine what my future son would be like when I was in elementary school.

  26. I was neutral on having kids,I did want them just not at the moment, wanted to wait till I was “ready”. I wasn’t really close with my parents. I got married and my wife wanted them, so we had two. I am honestly glad we had them. My kids are my greatest source of joy in this world, I wake up every day excited to spend the day with them, and they show me love that I have never felt. Kinda makes me sad also, shows me what was missed with my own parents growing up.

  27. Kids are cute and fun and being a family is lovely.

    But the same things are not right for everyone.

  28. I’m not a father but I want to. My gf wants too. I think I’d be missing one of life’s best experiences by not having a(t least a) kid.

    I traveled a bit and hopefully will continue doing so after having kids. It worries me a little thinking about the future of our society and economy but nothing worthwhile comes easy.

  29. I got tired of being looked at funny going down the slide by myself, I needed a partner in crime.

  30. I’m a simple man. I grew up with siblings feeling like my parents knew what they were doing and assumed I should do the same. It was decades before I even questioned it and, when I did, it still felt right. Granted, there might not be any profound or meaningful reason – maybe it’s just basic psychology, but it seemed to me a life with kids was what I was supposed to do.

    If you’re looking for advice, all I can say is that they add to your life in many ways and subtract in others. I’ve had joys I never imagined and pains that will haunt me the rest of my days. It’s a brave choice to have kids because that becomes your life from then on. Especially these days given the costs and how they’ve risen.

    Personally, I think that no one who struggles financially, who isn’t in a stable loving relationahip, and is 100% convinced that having kids is right for them should be having kids.

  31. One thing is for sure. You can tell the parents that do, to an extent, regret having kids.

    There is a dude I know, married 3 kids. He will go on like 30 minute monologues disparaging “DINKS” (Dual Income No Kids). Like he will go on and on about how procreating is your obligation to society if you have a good income and could provide a good home to a child. They are selfish bla bla bla.

    One of my good friends has known this guy since highschool and recently revealed a skeleton in his closet that just, was like a Chef’s kiss of my god he’s a piece of shit that should shut his mouth.

    He knocked up a girl in highschool, gave up his parental rights and had nothing to do with the kid. When said kid was 18, the mother called this dude and said their son wanted to meet him.

    He REFUSED. He told my buddy “how could I do that to my wife and kids?”. Like do what asshole? Take some semblance of responsibility for a kid YOU created, by at least meeting him? Even if that is the last time you see him. Like in my opinion if his wife would be at all against it she’s a piece of shit too.

    Like this isn’t an adoption scenario. The kid is with the mother, you banged to make the kid. The kid grew up knowing who you are.

  32. I don’t have kids yet. I want kids because I want a semblance of that unconditional love every child deserves that I was deprived of. I want to be the parent I always wished I had. I want my kids to have more happy times than sad. I don’t want my children to fear going home like I did.

    I want to make the world a better place, the only way to do that is having kids and ensuring they are better than I am. Better people will make a better world.

  33. I met my wife when we were both in our mid-40’s. We were both world travelers and had passports full of stories. Neither of us had children.

    I had a vasectomy at 20 and I dated the child-free type of women. Her fist husband was killed in the war, and she had not dated anyone else since.

    We married, then moved to Singapore, then back to LA where I was born.

    Four years ago an orphan happened in my extended family. He as 14, and living in Thailand. We met him and clicked. We adopted him. He needed us. Our family is complete.

  34. While I don’t have kids… my girlfriend of two years and I literally JUST broke up two days ago because she wasn’t sure she would ever want them. We had different goals in life. She very much so would be happy climbing the corporate ladder and traveling the majority of her young life. I just want her to be happy.

    I’ve always wanted the house, white picket fence, green lawn, 2.5 kids, and dog. Have grand babies running around, then die peacefully in my bed surrounded by family. The American dream. I realized a while ago that we were heading in different directions, but we stayed together for comfort. Eventually, the difficult and agonizing decision needed to be made for us both to be happy down the road.

    I grew up as the oldest of six. I had very loving, supportive parents… I know that I’m lucky and privileged in that regard, and I’m so grateful for it. The way my parents raised me gave me the desire to become a parent myself. I know I’d be a good father. And I just know deep down in my heart that I would never feel fulfilled if I didn’t have children. I would regret it on my death bed.

    Like Matthew McConaughey said in his book… “the only thing I ever knew I wanted to be was a father.” It’s the same for me, always knew it, and have never changed my mind.

    But I am not one of those people who looks down on or tries to force their beliefs on others. I completely understand and respect those like OP who don’t want children and have a good plan for the trajectory of their life. It just isn’t for me, I’m very old-fashioned, traditional, and simple.

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