Yesterday I had overseen a text conversation with his sister, whom I’ve never met, she has been asking him to come visit her and her family and to bring me with him. He responded back with “things aren’t good between us”, she responded back with the quintessential “if things arent good maybe you should move on” and he responded back with “yeah, probably will”. This was basically the extent of their conversation but I was left in shock. I was so disgusted that even though I had kept it to myself I made up and excuse and slept in the other room and we haven’t spoke since. This isn’t the first time had overheard a conversation I wasn’t meant to, there was another time he was talking to his brother about my family and it wasn’t great but I understand people are entitled to their opinions of other people and I let that one go.
We argue about the typical relationship woes, sometimes things get more heated depending on the topic. Over the years it is clear to see that we’ve grown into different people, he drinks a lot & I dont drink at all. He still wants to party, I’d rather eat dinner and watch something with our dog. He has clear definitions as to what the womans duties are and what the mans is, this is something I’m OK with but when I push back from time-to-time coupled with drinking he turns into a nasty man. Overall he’s a pretty miserable guy, he works an incredibly hard labor job and has a grim outlook on life. He spends his time outside of work pursuing the internet for bad news. He’s a pretty closed minded guy and is set off easily by what he sees in the news and harbors those feelings and projects them back onto me.
I havent addressed the text exchange with him and I’m not exactly sure how to since I wasn’t meant to see it. How do I address it? Apart of me feels like this is the least of my issues considering the type of person he is and the blowback repercussions it will have, like I should be prepared to end it all, pack up my things and the dog and close this chapter of my life.
36 comments
Do it first. Then find out why he wanted to
you don’t really speak of him as someone you envision a future with – i’m not sure how long you’ve been together, but it may be best to let it happen, or to beat him to the jump. you know your relationship better than anyone else does, but from what you’ve written it doesn’t sound like he would respond well to confrontation about the messages.
Who cares why HE wants out. Why don’t YOU is the bigger question?
>Apart of me feels like this is the least of my issues considering the type of person he is and the blowback repercussions it will have, like I should be prepared to end it all, pack up my things and the dog and close this chapter of my life.
I think you already know what you need to do. 🧡 It seems to me like you (naturally, of course) are only being held back by your residual feelings. That’s perfectly understandable. But from an outsider’s point of view, this guy is such a loser and does not treat you right. Please break up with him, and refer to this post often if you doubt yourself. Your head is going to catch up to your heart really soon, I promise.
Damn you seem so much nicer, reasonable, open minded and loyal than he does, and you deserve better.
Don’t address it. Plan the exit strategy if you live together, and if you are living separately just break up now on your own terms.
Never try to convince someone to be with you. The right person needs no convincing.
Why confront? It won’t end well. Just pack your shit and leave. There are much better men out there.
So, why are you with him at all?
It feels like a breakup would be freeing for you and give you a chance to live the life you want.
Just tell him you saw the text and that you agree. Pack your bags and tell him now you can both move on. Seriously, why would you want to stay with someone so miserable?
Sounds like it’s just time for it to be over. If you have even the smallest concern over your safety make a plan to get out while he is at work and go somewhere you won’t be alone. If it’s something you want to do, offer to have a conversation for closure but make sure it’s somewhere public that is neutral to the both of you and have a friend hang around just in case.
What is there to address? Your relationship isn’t working and he is being honest about it with his family. He wants to break up. There’s nothing to save here. The reasons you gave are plenty bad enough for you – who cares if he has some other reason?
Why are you even with him? It’s time to go girl. You know it, I know it, everyone here knows it. He ain’t it.
this happened to me when i was around 18/19, saw the text conversation with his brother. he dropped me off at work the following morning and text me to break up with me. honestly, just end it & homd your head up, no one should speak badly of your family, and he doesnt sound like a nice guy what so ever!
You literally didn’t say one positive thing about him in your entire post. It honestly sounds like you two don’t even like, let alone love each other. Yes, you should leave. No need to tell him what you saw, just say you’ve decided you two are no longer compatible and it’s best you go your separate ways.
I’m not exactly understanding why you care or are even with him? He doesn’t sound pleasant or considerate. Maybe look inside yourself and figure out if this really worth saving. You guys are very different and don’t seem happy. Maybe your just comfortable and not wanting change. But it’s not a healthy relationship.
Uno reverse his ass and break up first
Give him his wish.
You dont sound like you want to be with him either.
You should break it off.
He kinda sucks and you don’t even like him as a person, so why are you still there? Dump him and move on.
I hear you. You didn’t list a single good thing about him. From your post I’d guess there aren’t many. Life is short. Choose yourself and move on.
Sounds like a great guy/s
I think your life is a bigger problem than that text message. Do you really wanna live with the rest of your life like that?
Start saving money and move out when you can.
Pack your stuff now, go ahead and be ready to go when he gets there, don’t even tell him you saw it. Just say you’ve realized you’re no longer compatible and that you think he can find someone who would be a better fit for him. Go without a conversation, just say goodbye.
Your speech: sorry I didn’t mean to read your text, but now that I have, let’s not drag this out and break up now. Let’s discuss how to split up our stuff and I’m ready to move out tomorrow. He sounds like the kind of guy that might need to break up with you, let him and no turning back.
He sounds lovely… Just leave him.
The way to address this is by telling him you wish him well, but the relationship has run its course and is now over. This is not a hard problem to solve, honey. (Internet mum, here, who wants you safe, fulfilled, and happy. I believe in you! Now go get a better life that doesn’t include him.)
How about you go first? And at the end tell him you saw his texts and solved his problem for him.
Edit: spelling
Sounds like you don’t like him and sounds like he doesn’t like you. So… what’s the problem?
Pack up and take dog to safety and then send him a breakup text!
Why are you hesitating to leave this toolbag behind? He sounds wretched, plus it’s pretty clear you already don’t like him, so why stick with him at this point?
So why are you still trying to be with him
Why don’t you break up with him? You don’t need to address the text message. You listed a slew of things above that you don’t like about him. Makes me wonder why you are still with him.
From what you have described, there isn’t any need to bring up that text conversation. There are already a multitude of reasons to leave this situation.
Yeah like everyone else said, get tf out of there OP asap!