I’m (F/21) at that stage in life where I’m okay with FWB, but they always seem to ghost me afterwards and I don’t understand why? I don’t have a whole lot of sexual experience (my body count is only 3) and the last 2 guys I slept with ghosted me right after experiencing such a fun time with me. I’m very confident in my skill and I had them both moaning all hard, so I definitely was not bad in bed or something XD I even asked them for a second round, but they both dismissed me. My sexual appetite wasn’t satisfied. I don’t know if I’m being too enthusiastic/spontaneous/intense about it, or what? Is it because I’m “easy”? I don’t consider myself as such, since I tend to be choosy, but I do have a high sex drive and I’m down for whatever. That seems to turn guys off or push them away, though. Am I supposed to play hard to get? How, if it’s not in my nature?? I’m very assertive and always willing to initiate, even though I’m a bottom surprisingly. And sure, I can be a nymphomaniac, but it’s deeper than that. I genuinely crave intimacy and friendship.
I’ve talked to my friends about this issue as well, and they say, “you have to give a guy a chance to desire you”. Whatever that means. Did they mean romantically, sexually, or both? And maybe, they are right? Guys always seem to obsess over girls they haven’t slept with. E.g. I was never intimate with my ex boyfriend of 2 years and he stuck around me like gum. I had to be the one to break up with him. He wouldn’t let me go. He was such a control freak. The reason why I never slept with him was because..he had a type and it’s weird not fitting that type. Why would I sleep with someone who doesn’t find me sexually attractive?
I don’t care if a man wants me romantically or not, but I want to be desired for sexually, without it being pure carnal pleasure. I want a spiritual connection (those so-called soul ties) that can possibly be romantic in the future (I’m open to the idea of romance, even though it’s not my main priority), like in those smut novels. Is that really just fiction? Am I going all backwards about this? Should I wait to develop feelings with someone first, then sleep with them? I thought sex was supposed to make people closer, but it’s making guys want me less and less. How can I attract the right person who will fill my needs?
It just pains me to know that guys seem to want you more if you’re not sleeping with them:/ I want sex without the body count, dammit
5 comments
It seems to me like you’re confusing FWB and ONS, but I could be mistaken. Finding a FWB situation, requires a conversation at some point, and typically you need to be able to be friends, to a degree.
Most of the rest, no one here can answer for you. You’ll need to talk to your partners to find out what they liked or didn’t like and even then, it isn’t going to be the same for the next person. Everyone is different.
Lastly, don’t worry about “body count” as it isn’t something that needs to be shared with anyone. It’s only a number and it doesn’t matter what that number is. Enjoy yourself, safely.
Sorry if my post is all over the place, I have ADHD, so I just kinda info-dumped everywhere đ But what I’m trying to say is, I want a FWB and I’m open to falling in love with them, but I keep attracting ONS and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, when I cleary communicate with them đ¤ˇââď¸
>I don’t know if I’m being too enthusiastic/spontaneous/intense about it, or what?
This is a kind of pareidolia. Something, something very common, has happened twice so you want to think âthere must be a reason, a single cause.â
This was only two guys. Maybe one guy finally realized he was gay; the other, his wife caught him. Or, the first guy got his parole revoked and the other was kidnapped by aliens. Or for no particular reason, two guys decided to move on with their lives.
Whatever it was, it probably doesnât have anything to do with you.
>they say, “you have to give a guy a chance to desire you”. Whatever that means.
Itâs old âplay hard to getâ bullshit. Ignore it.
>How can I attract the right person who will fill my needs?
Ah, if I could answer *that* question, I wouldnât be on Reddit.
I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, and I think the stuff about “give them time to desire you” is outdated sexist bullshit.
With that said, I do think that especially when dealing with 20ish year old guys, you have to be very careful because a ton of them (not all!) are very immature and think it is their *duty* to conquer as many women as possible. Because of that, it doesn’t matter what you do or how long you make those guys wait, they are going to get what they want (sex) and move on to the next conquest, no matter how much they enjoyed their time with you.
So what can you do? Just try to make sure you’re getting to know a guy a bit before you sleep with them. Also, don’t act like you only want a relationship if you don’t, but I would be careful not to seem *too* interested in casual sex. A lot of people will hear that a girl likes sex and will take that as an invitation to treat her like an object. Unfortunately there are a lot of crappy people out there, so just be careful and maybe a little tiny bit more selective and you should be fine.
You slept with two guys who only wanted a one night stand. That is way too small of a sample size to conclude anything about yourself. Don’t worry about it.
However, I would like to also comment on this…”The reason why I never slept with him was because..he had a type and it’s weird not fitting that type. Why would I sleep with someone who doesn’t find me sexually attractive?”.
Your partner of two years wanted to have sex and you told him no, because you think you aren’t his type? Is that insecurity talking? Or are you a chronic overthinker? Do you try and figure out what you think other people want, and then just act in a way that tries to meet their perceived needs?
I think you might learn something important about yourself if you dig into that a bit.