EDIT: I just texted him telling him that Im breaking up with him. I’m officially alone with nobody to go to and nobody who cares about me.
I’m 14f and I’m not ready for sex yet. I’m too young, uncomfortable with the idea, and just overall not ready for it. My bf is 16 and he’s really adamant about being my first and that he doesn’t want to wait any longer. He’s been kind of an ass about it for a few days and honestly idk how I should handle this. He’s my only friend and the only bit of positivity I have in my life but he doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not ready for sex.
44 comments
Leave him
Tell him you are not interested or ready for sex, and if he pushes it, dump the fuck. He’s obviously only interested in one thing at this point, so MOVE ON. You need to set boundaries in life, and stick to them, and make sure everyone you meet respects them. This is a boundary. If he doesn’t respect you enough to stop being a dick about it, dump him.
If he doesn’t accept no or not yet as an answer then he never will, I understand that you’re saying he’s all you have right now, but it’s not worth it. You should not have sex until you have come to the decision that you’re 100% ready all on your own, there should be no convincing at all. If he cannot understand that, and wait for you to be ready, then he doesn’t care about you at all.
You’re still very young, there will be plenty of new and great people coming into your life in the future, you don’t need to make yourself uncomfortable for this one person if they cannot accept your choices.
There’s also the legal aspect of it, it’s most likely a crime for him to have sex with you considering your ages, so if anyone ever found out he, and possibly you, would be in a lot of trouble.
If you are still struggling with this please talk to a parent, or a trusted adult about the situation. T
You can make new friends. Even find a new boyfriend who isn’t an asshole trying to pressure you into sex.
I know you don’t want to hear it but this guy is bad for you and everyone here is going to give you the same advice, and that’s for a reason.
Oh my god, girl run!!! This behaviour is only going to escalate and might reach the point of assault, he shouldn’t be forcing you like that, no means no.
He isn’t positive in your life then, if he won’t respect your boundaries. He’s being manipulative to get what he wants. I know from a similar experience I had in high school from a girl who wouldn’t respect my wishes and then decided to take what she wanted with drugs. They pretend to be there for you to get what they want and when you say no they get pushy. I’m sorry you don’t have anyone else in your life but he isn’t who you should be relying on, he’s not a good person if he won’t respect your choices and you’re right yourr far too young for sex.
This will be so hard for you to understand right now. He’s your friend. He’s your everything. But you need to break up. He does not respect nor care for you. He only wants to get his dick wet.
Tell him no one more time and tell him if he brings it up again before you, then it’s over.
And then stick to that. Future you will thank you.
Honey, you’re 14. Life seems awful and he seems like your only friend. I see you and I hear you. But you’re so so very young. You aren’t equipped for sex, or for the possible ramifications of sex.
Please talk to a counselor at school. If you’re on summer break, email them. They’re usually 12 months employees. Or email the nurse, or your vice principal, or even your teacher that you trust. Even if it’s an old teacher. Your 16 year old boyfriend isn’t equipped to handle your trauma any better than you are. And if he’s using sex as pressure to keep him around, you’re in for even more trauma the longer you allow yourself to be treated that way.
Trust me. I work at a high school, I talk to kids like you every day.
Next school year, find a club. A teacher who has kids in their room at lunch. An elective that is interesting. Talk to 2 people you don’t know in each class. Find your people. They’re there, feeling just as alone as you.
dump him. Throw the whoel dude away. Not ok to pressure somebody like he is
if you need to talk about this with someone i’m not sure reddit is the best place for advice. if you want you can text HOME to 741741 and be connected with a crisis counselor if you live in the US, and they can talk to you about this. it sounds like this is kind of a scary situation and you deserve to be able to speak with someone about what you want to do.
be careful, if he’s being pushy he might force you into it
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dont do things youre not ready for, why would you want to stay with someone who doesnt have your best interest in mind?
Baby, you are only 14. I know he seems like your whole world right now, and maybe he is but it’s not right to force you to have sex. My husband and I were also 14 and 16 when we started dating. We had sex when I was 16…maybe 15. He never forced me. He asked, a few times, but respected my choice. We did PLENTY of other things before I was 16. However, this is your choice. Do not give in and do not do anything you are uncomfortable with. You will resent him for it and it will leave you feeling bad. Only take that step when you are sure.
I know you are hearing a bunch of adults talking at you and I know your heart is hurting so bad over this. If you’ve gone so far as to post this question then you know your answer inside already. If he truly cares for you he will never force you. If he forces you he does not care for you. Remember that. Love is not force. Love is understanding.
Tell him he will go straight to prison/jail if he coerces you in any way. You are correct, give yourself another 3-5 yrs.
I know it seems like he’s all you have now but you’ll be better off leaving him and you’ll be just fine.
Bestie you’re 14. Dump him if he’s pushing boundaries. You have the teenage mentality of “everyone is turning their backs on me he’s different”. Have you entertained the idea that maybe he’s the problem? Dump him. There are other people, there’s a lot to this world. Fucking hump him.
I had very few friends when I was 14. When I was 15, I met my whole friend group and stayed friends with them for life. Just because he’s your only friend now doesn’t mean it will always be that way.
Tell this kid that you’re not ready, you might not be ready for *years,* and if that’s a problem, bye. You have to be strong, stand up to him and not be wishy-washy, or else he’ll keep pushing. And then if he ever pushes again, you dump him. Sorry, I know that sucks, but it’s better than being pressured into sex. You deserve better and you’ll find better.
I know it’s hard when you don’t have any other friends, but this guy isn’t your friend either. He just wants to use you.
If you end up having sex because HE wants to and not because YOU want to, then you’ll end up regretting it for your whole life. Ask yourself this question: if he really respected you or cared about you, would he try to convince or force you this much?
Dump him. The end.
Coercion is NOT consent. Someone who does not respect your “no” is not a source of comfort. He is disregarding your autonomy just so he can get his dick wet.
Talk to him. Get him to understand or leave him. If you end up pregnant from giving in to making him happy cause he doesn’t seem to care seems like your more of an object or a status symbol or the next days gossip with the school boys.
Convincing is a concerning phrase.
You are not ready. So say no. If saying No causes a problem. Distance yourself. People who do that to you, don’t deserve a place in your life.
you feel lonely now, but being pressured will cause you to have messed up feelings about partners and intimacy down the road. you’re smart to ask for help, but you need to maintain the boundary that you’re not having sex at this point in your life. that’s what you decided, and anything he says to push on it is because of ulterior motives (so he can have sex.)
please listen to the people here, and honestly if you need clarity even asking a parent or aunt wouldn’t be terrible. it would feel very awkward, but if you get to that point, they will be on your side.
Please, if he can’t get this through his thick skull, then leave him.
He may be the only person you have right now, but eventually, being an asshole about it will escalate to rape. That’s not the kind of support system you want or need.
And yes, I do know what I’m talking about because it happened to me. The damage he is likely to cause you in the long run is not worth putting up with this shit just to hold on to him.
There will be other people who will give you the support system you need. It might be a pain in the ass to find them, but it’s worth it. This situation will not get better unless you find the strength to walk away from it.
You are 14. Break up with him, please!!! I was 15 the first time I had sex, and it hurt, I bled all over the bed and it was not enjoyable until I got older, and realized what I needed from an intimate relationship. You will regret having sex with him.
I know you are a teenager and think there will be no one else who will ever make you feel happy again, but there are so many guys out there, and honestly, someone who is pressuring you to have sex is not the type of guy you want…. There are plenty of others that are cute and sweet and will not pressure to do something you don’t want to. Break up with that asshole…. for real.
Look, you’re asking for help here, and older, much more experienced people are telling you exactly what you need to do; most likely because they have been in your shoes and know how this scenario ends. If you don’t listen to their advice, you’re only going to end up traumatized and feeling stupid for blatantly ignoring sound advice that is objectively really easy to follow.
You should really look online for some clubs or groups to join. For example, if you like crafting and art, see if there are any youth craft classes in your area, student activities at your local art museum, etc.
If this toxic ass kid is the only person you have, you need to get out there and put some good people in your life.
Also, it’s not just “making [you] have sex with him”, it’s rape. Just call it what it is and realize what a ridiculous question “How can I convince my bf not to rape me” is. If he disrespects your boundaries, he will continue to do so.
Please listen to these people about how to handle this situation, as a man, the biggest thing I’ve heard from women about this sort of thing is how they wished they waited and didn’t feel pressured. If you give into him when you don’t want to it will scar you for life. You think you’re sad and miserable now, if you do it before you’re ready and he leaves you right after he got his, you will be in a world of pain.
Please leave him
This is not a case where you have to convince him of anything. You just say no. If he doesn’t respect that, he’s not a good partner. You can find new friends and new bits of positivity – and because he’s pushy, he’s not really positive to begin with.
I was 15 and my bf was 17 (just shy of his 18th birthday) when I first had sex (we started hooking up when I was 13 and he was 15). He had had sex before (supposedly just one time, although he was an excellent liar).
We had a VERY unhealthy relationship. He ACTUALLY would say to me “if you loved me, you would have sex with me.” Like straight out of a textbook of things people will say to manipulate and pressure you into having sex. I ended up being very isolated from friends and family because of the control and power this boy had over me.
The beginning of my ability to heal was when I realized that my relationship had taken over my entire life, and if I didn’t do something about it, I was never going to be ok. It sounds like that may be happening with you….
In retrospect (I’m 36 now) – I don’t believe I ever actually truly gave proper consent in that relationship and it REALLY messed me up for a LONG time.
Please stand your ground and if you have to break up and be alone, it’s better than where you’re probably headed with this guy. If you have to, PLEASE SEEK GUIDANCE FROM SOMEONE YOU TRUST.
My relationship (which sounds similar to yours) did a LOT of emotional damage to me. It hurts my heart when I think of other people who might be going through the same thing. If there’s any way I can help you, please let me know.
When I was 15 I was pushed into having sex. It was consensual but it was forced…. I know that doesn’t make sense, so for context: I made it clear I wanted to wait, he still tried and tried and tried until I couldn’t wait anymore(as in he made me want it). I can’t tell u how many times I was coerced, molested, and raped by the same guy. Why didn’t I leave him? Same reasons ur giving. But I didn’t have any friends because of him. He made them all disappear by taking all my time and making me think I only needed him. I wish I would have left him so much sooner and never let him convince me to give him my body, because now im with the best person ever, and I see how truly horrific my ex was. But when I was with him, he was amazing. He was a monster and it took me being with an angel to see that. Please, I beg you. Listen to what people are telling you about him. Do not put yourself through mental hurt bc u don’t want to be alone. I promise u it will be better to be alone then suffer through being used for ur body over and over again by ur partner.
If he is pressuring you to have sex, and you’re not ready, he is NOT your friend!!
Hon this is not a great guy for you to be with. He is pressuring you and that is a major red flag. If he is your only friend it’s time to make some new friends. Making friends and meeting new people can be intimidating I know but there are tips to make it easier.
Tell him you’ll tell an authority figure if he tries it. He either needs to respect your wishes or find someone else.
I’ve seen your other responses. You don’t want that to happen. But which is worse: standing up for yourself or wind up pushed into sex before you’re ready? It seems to me you would do well to answer this question. Which will you regret more?
I was 17 when I had sex first time. And I regret it. Looking back I wish I had waited till I found someone who respected me, and put in effort to make me happy, and focused on my feelings too. I grew up in foster care so much like u I didn’t trust anyone either. But I will say it’s much better to leave ppl who show blatant disrespect and disregard for your feelings. Sure it will hurt and u will be lonely at first. But once u establish ur own self worth u won’t let other breach ur boundaries. U set a boundary saying u wernt ready. U cannot force other ppl to react how u want them to. U let them show u who they are. And either he respects u and says okay. And it’s all good. Or if he pressures u. U need to then decide ur next plan of action. If u have self worth. Usually it’s giving space. Standing strong in ur belief and not being swayed. And if he continues to pressure. Then distance and possible break up. Again. It’s much better to be alone and work on urself etc. then to ever waste time on others who show u they don’t care how u feel.
Hey OP, I remember what it was like to be you. And I understand how you feel. Stuff like this can be scary.
When we have people we care about, it can be scary to lose them. What I want you to remember is that someone who really cares about you will not pressure you into doing something you are not ready to do. Especially when it is related to stuff like this.
I know you want to keep him in your life, and it may seem easier to give in to the pressure. But you said it yourself that you are not ready. It is better to be alone than with someone who does not value you.
I want you to know I understand everything you say and how you feel. Therefore, I ask that you very carefully take the time to think about my advice. I hope you will take it and not give into his pressure. This is not right what he is doing.
Chances are, he knows he’s your only “friend” and he’s abusing this hoping you’ll give in. I promise you’ll regret it later and despise him. Don’t hurt yourself by staying with him, please heed everyone’s advice.
He’s 16 and won’t listen to reason. Im a guy, and i didn’t when I was that age. Just take a break from him for yourself and your health. Avoid him and he’ll get over it. You’ll be ok.
He sounds like an abuser. At 14 years old with no friends or family to rely on you are extremely vulnerable. Abusers know this and look to exploit it. People who care about you do not force you to have sex with them. This is also the type of person who is likely to dump you once he gets what he wants from your body. I know this must be so hard to hear and to think about, but you should not stay with this person.
In any decent relationship, each partner respects the other’s consent. Even if they’re adults who’ve already had sex, if one person says no to sex then sex does not happen. This is a hard rule, as not obeying it is rape. This has the potential to be even more traumatizing for you as you’ve never had sex and you know that you are not ready. Please know that you deserve better than this creep.
If he’s pushing you for sex, he’s not your friend and not a good person to be around. Please reach out to a trusted adult in your life. This is not a safe relationship for you to continue.
Take it from a 15 year old who’s regretted sexual (not full on sex) encounters with a toxic partner, it’s not worth it. You WILL regret it later and wish you just left. It’s better to be alone than to be with people who don’t care about you/respect your boundaries
Oh, sweetheart I am so sorry you are going through this, this is a really tough and painful situation to be in – especially at your age. I personally experienced my emotions and pain strongest when I was 14/15 years old, and life was absolutely awful because of that. I know exactly what it’s like to feel like you have met “your person” at such a young age and that he is the only one there for you.
Please, love, and I say this with every ounce of urgency, care, and love in my words: Separate yourself from this boy. If he keeps pushing you, and you end up having no choice but to give in, that is called coercion and it is a form of rape. It would be traumatic.
I know it feels like he is the only one in your life that actually cares about you right now, but PLEASE know that you will have people coming into your life so soon who will *actually* care so much more than him, and would never push you to do something you do not wish to do. You have asserted your boundary with him, and he is continuing to dismiss it and violate it. To realize that someone you have trusted so much is doing this to you is a very painful realization to have.
Please take all the time you need to process that hurt, but also please do it while distancing yourself from him / ending the relationship. Make it clear that you are ending the relationship because he is not respecting your boundary/choice. This is very serious.
He may even reach out way in the future and apologize for pushing you like this and being so terrible about it. Unfortunately, the sad truth is that many boys do not receive the proper sex education and lessons on consent, so there are tons of teenage boys bordering on raping their girlfriend or coercing them into sexual acts thinking it’s okay and normal. It is not. A handful will come to heavily regret the decisions they made in their teen years due to this.
I *know* how lonely it feels. I promise you, the temporary loneliness is so much better than the consequences of being coerced into non-consensual sex at such a young age. You are strong and aware. You are capable. You can do this. If you would like to talk through this with someone, I strongly recommend reaching out to a school guidance counselor or any of the below hotlines:
Love is Respect – National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 866-331-9474 or text 22522
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 or [online chat on their website](https://www.rainn.org/)
You are so loved. I believe in you. Life will improve without him, I promise.
Every comment from OP is a giant cry for help, please stop downvoting her. She needs support, which she clearly doesn’t have, and she’s only 14 years old. OP: I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know you want to hold onto what you perceive to be the last remaining person in your life, but he too is trying to take advantage of you and does not respect your boundaries. Please check out [https://www.loveisrespect.org](https://www.loveisrespect.org) or call their hotline at 866-331-9474 to talk to somebody immediately. Good luck honey.
FBI open up