Me (23M) wants to break up with my gf (19F) over no longer loving her due to the loss of my mom

Backstory:

I have a long distance relationship with my gf almost reaching a year. Recently I had to suffer through my moms cancer with all the stress that comes with it. When they put her on life support I couldn’t deal with the thought of loosing her and on that day i had an exam and I was soo tired. After visiting my mom I came home so drained and stressed and my gf suggested a movie night(she knows about my mom’s condition ), which I agreed to because I missed her and wanted to give her attention. While on call we were talking and due the line being bad I didn’t really hear wat she was saying and I moved on to a different topic which made her upset. I was explaining to her and apologising for wat happened but she was still being upset and showed a lil attitude. I raised my voice in anger and told her off , ending the call. After I cooled down I called her back and apologised for yelling and told her let’s continue watching the movie. Everything was going fine we were watching the movie, I was comparing her to a movie character, telling her
“You are as pretty as so and so ”
So she paused the movie and started showing me her TikTok’s. So we spent a couple of minutes on her TikTok’s . I was hyping up her looks… eventually I got bored and wanted to continue watching the movie, mind you I was sooo tired, I told her.
“Ok enough, seeing your TikTok is making me act up😏, let’s go back to the movie”
“Let’s go back to movie ”
I said it few times then she switched back and we continued watching it until she paused and said she did not have any mood to watch it anymore.

Of course I knew here comes another upset moment. So we had minor argument about it, because I was asking what did I do to make her upset this time, she replied saying I should know. Eventually I got fed up and ended the call. Then she messaged me going on about how I’m gaslighting her and how she’s keeping the relationship afloat.

After some back and forth I finally told her that my mom is on life support and I haven’t processed the thought of her dying and that I was really tired and if she wanted to leave the relationship idc. Then she sarcastically said that she was selfish that I would I regret leaving cuz she was supporting me (she and her mom did provide help). I fired-back saying
“you somehow managed to make this about you”
She responded with
“And you somehow managed to make this about your mom”
After reading that I instantly felt…yup we are done and ignored her calls and text. Afterwards
She replied back saying she had yeast infection, swollen eye and a test too. She did not tell me as to not worry me.

I did not bother picking up her calls or texting her back, I just went to bed. At 5 am I got a call from my dad telling me that my mom passed away. At this point I really didn’t want to be in a relationship and couldn’t be bothered. After few hours I finally called her and told her the news she broke down crying and apologised for last night but it didn’t really mean anything to me right now. Later she kept messaging me apologising for everything and that she would give me space but I was being cold towards her …I was trying to be nice but I still came off cold and distant.

She kept calling me to check up but I either ignored it or I answered saying oh I’m busy rn. At night my friends came by to see me and they took me out. I told her that I was with my friends. Then she kept on calling me messaging me that I’ve lost interest in her and creating another drama which I really did not want to deal with it. Finally she deleted all her previous messages and said she was feeling really shitty and to call her once I was home.

So I did. On call she was crying and telling me she couldn’t study for test and she felt bad about everything. I really did not have any feelings towards her but I do feel really guilty about ruining her focus and she is all alone in her uni while having medical problems. So rn I’m just acting like I still love her because I feel guilty for all the previous trouble I put her through and pity about her situation because I’m the person she relies on.

I really don’t know what to do?