Is this a control tactic?
I am not ready for a child right now, but hoping to have one in the future. He wants to have a child…because all of his friends have one.. and its the “next step”. I wanted to go on vacation this year and he has refused and has made it very clear he’s not wanting to do anymore vacations with me until we have kids.
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Vacation with kids? Yeah right. If you had a kid tomorrow, your next vacation that’s actually fun and relaxing would be in 2030 at the earliest.
That makes no sense whatsoever.
🚩🚩🚩
How is this even a question?! Of course it’s a control tactic. Ultimatums are always a control tactic.
Definitely a control tactic. If you aren’t ready to leave him, beware of more control tactics to come. When you have kids he will come up with some other way to control you. Do not have children with this person.
Yes, and you should vacation without him.
Ugh. He is just “checking boxes”
Is it too late to run. Bc run woman run
Tell him, NO. And go on your vacation.
So he’s basically pressuring you into having children by saying he won’t do with you what you want to do until you do what he wants to do first.
Not good.
And how he think y’all supposed to do that with a baby on your hip?! Lol. Is he delusional? I mean, yes it’s possible but he seriously doesn’t wanna have at least one last vacation baby free first???
Please don’t have a child with this man. You are seeing how manipulative he is and he will most likely continue this tactic if it works and gets him what he wants. With you AND any future children. Of course, this is a small snippet from what I am assuming is a more complex relationship so I guess the most reasonable and least harsh response if you really love this man is to say, “I cannot and will not be strong armed into having children and if this is your tactic to make me ready faster, you’ll be waiting much longer—and maybe forever.”
If he responds negatively to that and doesn’t recognize the manipulation— well hon, you’ve got a choice to make and I hope you make the one that brings you the most joy in the long run.
Edit to add: I browsed your search history and saw you’ve also had a miscarriage in the last year??? And he’s pressuring you still?? I’ve never experienced this but I imagine it can be very traumatic. Of course you’re not ready yet. Take your time, please do not be bullied into pregnancy.
Do not put up with this controlling crap.
Also, traveling sucks and isn’t fun once you have children.
The last thing you want to do after having kids is travel
Tell him you won’t vacation with **him** unless he stops pressuring you to have a baby. Then throw some clothes in a suitcase, grab a friend, and hit the road.
Should be the opposite. If kids are in ur future than now is the time to travel. It won’t be easy traveling with an infant, then they go to school & it’s more expensive to travel when they are off. Not to mention finances change.!You can still travel with kids although it’s more difficult but traveling just the two of you with no one else to care for is something you should absolutely do now b4 kids.
You need couples counseling as you clearly already resent each other and now are playing some kind of chicken game that will only end in more resentment.
Lol there’s no such thing as a vacation with kids, it’s just parenting in a different location
Tell him he can knock you up in Cancun lol
Go without him
That’s a ridiculous thing to say. We can’t go have any life until you give me a child. It’s manipulation and weird. Having a child isn’t a temporary thing like a vacation is. They aren’t comparable.
First of all I don’t love the transactional nature of your husbands demands, it absolutely is a control tactic. Second of all “because all my friends have one” is absolutely not a reason to bring an entire human being in to the world. Thirdly it’s your body he’s making demands of not his own. I’m sorry, op, having children with this man sounds like a colossal mistake. Vacation with your spouse is not equal to permanent changes to your body and an inescapable lifelong responsibility.
That’s weird, usually people try to get in as many travels as possible BEFORE having kids 😂 His reasoning makes no sense, so definitely just a try at blackmail.
He’s trying to give you an ultimatum. If you aren’t comfortable with it – do not give in. A vacation vs having a child are two different worlds and he’s an asshole for doing this.
But traveling with kids is infinitely more difficult, limiting and expensive, so it doesn’t even make sense.
He’s definitely manipulating you.
His reason for having kids isn’t good. Just because all his friends have babies? Just because it’s the next step? Plus, making babies should NOT be transactional. I’d think long and hard before deciding to *ever* have this man’s kids if I were you.
That is so weird.
Oh lord. This is ridiculous. I would say vacation as much as you can before kids because after it is NOT a vacation.
We went on a two week vacation to Hawaii with a 1.5 year old. I will never ever do that again. Nice vacations will be just for us until the kids get a bit older.
Now is the time to take vacations. Once you have kids, your life will never be the same. Not saying it’s a bad thing, but I would push for a vacation. So you have 1 together before you have kids.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 vacationing with young kids??? You literally have to take your house with you, coordinate vacation itinerary to their nap schedule and diaper changes. And that will fall on you, not him. This is the time to carefree travel until the kids are probably in grade school
It’s not very loving to coerce your partner into having kids before they’re ready.
Throw that whole man away and take yourself on vacation.
Ps vacation with young kids pretty much sucks compared to vacation without kids.
Also, keep a very close eye on your birth control
Everyone literally suggest traveling BEFORE having kids.
Go on vacation on your own.
Make sure you have your birth control locked down.
The reason to have kids is not because his friends have one.
Time to examine your relationship and your how he approaches disagreements.
Does he manipulate and coerce you to doing things you don’t want?
Is he a partner who is able to address differing opinions in a healthy manner?
Do you want kids (unless it’s an enthusiastic, yes, you shouldn’t have them)?
Does he already shoulder half the chore load?
What are his opinions on parenting? Will he be a true and helpful co parent, or will you be a “married single mother”?
Toxic asf. Completely unreasonable trade-off. If what you said is the extent of his logic, it doesn’t sound like he’s mature enough to handle a child.
This seriously angers me. Being pregnant and giving birth is no joke. Not a game. You have to be ready mentally and physically. Pressure will ruin the joy of starting a family. It creates resentment when you force someone into something huge. Shame on him for trying to manipulate you before you’re ready with f*cking vacations. Go without him.
Control tactic 100%
Travel alone and divorce this manipulative man
You don’t have kids cause your friends have them
This is like saying I don’t want to travel to wine country until I’m sober
It’s a family trip. It’s memory making. It’s an adventure. But it’s **not** a vacation. It’s not like you can just check-out when you have young kids at the beach.
You can’t compare the same beach vacation you took pre-kids to the beach trip after having kids.
before having kids, you can sit on the beach all day and zone out, be spontaneous with meals, go to bars at night, be intimate with your partner whenever you want, do nothing all day, and sleep in every morning.
Trips with kids require more planning, more attention, and greater flexibility. They’re still great-there’s nothing like building sand castles & hunting for sea shells with your kids- but there’s still a lot of focus on water safety, having to wrestle them down to apply sunscreen every 90 minutes, hauling all the beach gear/water/snacks everywhere, etc. There’s just a lot more to it.
Yes. Thats manipulative.
Please dont stop taking birth control and dont let him have access to it either so he can tamper with it.
This is emotionally abusive
Nope! You are just a breeding tool. This is a control thing.with kids it only gets worse. Run.
I read one of your other posts where he said he was gonna go visit his mum without you and didn’t even tell you until you overheard him on the phone with his sister and he said your feelings were stupid. I have to ask. Why are you with a guy like this? Not only does he not care about your feelings, he sends his mum on vacation and doesn’t tell you when he plans a trip to see her and doesn’t care about your feelings. Now he is trying to control you and manipulate you into having a child. I am not one to say leave your husband like some others on here but from the two posts you have made about him that I read, he sounds like a horrible man. Sooooo many red flags. Please think long and hard about the things he is doing before you have a child with him.
He’s going to make you take care of the kids and when you’re depressed and feel like shit with kids he’s going to rub it in your face and say you aren’t doing enough around the house.
You shouldn’t have kids with this guy until you both get therapy together.