He’s been secretive almost his whole life, he’d never speak of his problems or open up to anyone ever. Despite my multiple attempts to make him comfortable emough to talk to me about the thoughts in his head, I’ve never succeeded.
Sometimes I think I’m just a neighbor’s kid who plays with him everyday. I truly want to know what he’s going through, it pains me to see him cope all alone. He’s an sensitive empath he understands others but others don’t want to know him. He’s been depressed for some years and it’s not getting better.
I feel abandoned by him sometimes. I don’t understand what else I can do to make him trust me enough. He’s been a mystery to me for quite a long time, I miss when we would just have open-hearted conversations as children.
Can someone give me any advice on how I can make him talk?
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Awww. You’re so sweet.
My aunt is the same (gap is only 8 years) she’s like my older sister than an aunt. She never opens up about stuff, but she’s always there for me. She took care of me throughout my childhood.
Like the previous comment says, be there for him but don’t be a bother. Sometimes people like him and my aunt, think they can manage it all, but are cracking in by themselves.
Keep an eye out for him. Keep reminding him that you’re there and so are others.
My aunt loves chicken rolls and Tim Tams. I buy that for her on weekly basis. You should do small things for him. Like gifts and food, maybe a few messages every now and then
How do you aproach him about not opening up?
Could he just be going through the grumpy unresponsive teen phase?
Sounds avoidant. But I certainly no expert, just dealt with one
20 yr old male living at home with 18 year old younger sister.
20’s are a galvanizing time in most everyone’s life. It can be incredibly stressful as you decide the kind of person you will be going forward. When I was 20 I was majorly depressed, and suicidal. My family was very religious, and raised me as such, and the philosophy and coping methods taught to me were insufficient for my needs and not fit for purpose. I was going through a crisis of faith that lasted many years and came to a conclusion around the time I turned 21.
The things that made me feel better was rigorous physical exercise, finding and spending time with friends and getting away from my family. I eventually joined the military to get away from my family, I really loathed my time in service because I was sent to a burn out squadron for my first duty station. But I am still grateful that I was able to get out of my home state. I didn’t return home when I got out.
It took me until my late 20’s and help from my then gf now wife to get over my depression based suicidal ideation.
My problems are likely not your brothers, this is just an example of how I dealt with my issues that happened to yield positive results.
I think it’s very endearing that you want to be there for your brother, my sister is 6 years my senior and we never have, and likely never will be close.
I’d recommend that you help your brother find something constructive to pour his energy into, that’s the best general advice I can offer.
Yeah, leave him alone, he will talk when he is ready or wants to.
Sounds like he was abused by somebody close.
Least that’s like my story, but I’ve learned that I don’t really need people, 🤷♂️. Hard to get hurt if nobody’s there to hurt yah.
Does he want to talk to you?
Would he speak to a counsellor (therapist) ?
He could be an introvert?
You can’t make him talk. Just be his friend. And if or when he opens up ask him if he wants to be heard, hugged or helped. Don’t assume the answer is helped.
I grew up somewhat similarly, but without so much the trauma involved. It was an almagation of teenage moodiness, rusty social skills, and lack of desire to socialize for me that gave me a hard time to open up around my family.
Like you, they probably felt abandoned by me or even felt I was uncaring of them. When in fact I wasn’t, I mainly felt vulnerable of being made fun of and teased if I did.
I’d say perhaps right now he does appreciate that you are there for him, or at least into the future down the line he will come to really appreciate what you are doing during a complicated time in his life.
I never liked talking much about myself, or make small talk about how my day/week is going. The thing that helps me get involved in a conversation is when others talk about themselves. And if I want to input a personal anecdote at some point I can without really feeling pressured to.
That’s what I suggest you do. Whenever you talk to him do not try to shine the spotlight on him or bring up subjects about him that may make him embarrassed. Talk talk talk about yourself. Your day. Your job. Your friends. And give him openings to offer input or advice. It’s easier to lead into conversations by making it seem you are relying on someone’s knowledge. That you value their input.
You seem very sweet. I think the best thing you can do is accept him as he is – whether he chooses to open up to you or not. It must be worrying for you to know your brother has dealt with so many difficult situations that you want to be able to support him.
It is possible you both may have different ideas on what support looks or feels like. Your idea of support might look like talking through things with someone. But for him, it may be very painful to have to revisit those feelings which must be why he keeps them buried deep. I don’t know that it’s your job to work through that with him, but if you accept him as he is and continue being there for him in ways that he is receptive to, he will see that. This could look like silent companionship (doing activities separate but together; maybe he is gaming while you draw next to him).
Show him you’re there without implying he needs to open up or change anything about himself. To be understood in this world is a gift in and of itself, and letting him be him while supporting him through that may be a great way to show your love if that makes sense 💖
Done
Your brother might be dealing with something from your family that you’re unaware of. Is there someone that he completely avoids, or does he disappear when certain people come around? If so, you can attempt to start a dialogue surrounding that. If he won’t talk about it, that’s ok. Just remind him you’re around and prove to be a confidant for him. When he does decide to leave, he’ll probably open up more.
It’s is different but I was dealing with an avoidant girlfriend.. I’m just giving you my existence. I did a lot of reading on it. If this is true I found that giving them space was the only thing I could do. Literally the toughest thing for me do. My general is to run help and those in need. In my situation that was the worst thing I could do. Learned that the hard way. In my case it contributed to the end of the relationship.