I surprised her at her daughters softball game, who i have raised for 6 years. Everything seemed to be going well, we dont fight and get along well. She thought i left and i saw her hug someone i was unfamiliar with, when i got home i questioned it and she admitted she had been cheating on me. I lost my 9 year old (she is not biologically mine) and my girlfriend in an instant. I told her she had to leave immediately and have not spoken to her since. It’s literally destroying me, i cant get it out of my head, its been almost a month since they left. I blocked her on everything, but it still consumes me. Has anyone been through something like this?
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Bro, had almost the same thing happen to me today. Fuck I hope you feel better soon.
You’ll find fine company at r/survivinginfidelity
I’m sorry she did this to you.
I’m so sorry man
You owe her and her child absolutely nothing. You did your part and tried. She used you and she doesn’t deserve forgiveness or any help knowing the results of her actions would cost her her daughters heartbreak. You cut off contact for your own mental health. If she does get into a relationship with her AP or gets married. Are you going to babysit while she goes on dates with him being reminded everyday of her actions. Where does that leave you and your daughter? You have no legal rights over her as a parent. And that’s just a bigger heartbreak for you down the line. If you’re willing to deal with that, then reach out to see her, but really think it through. And she might not even allow you to see or speak to her daughter anymore. If she does, great, but you will have to see your ex for the rest of your life.
At the end of the day, she only admitted it because she got caught. She probably would’ve never admitted if you didn’t see it with your own eyes and trusted your gut. She’s selfish and she can deal with the consequences of her own actions. You are not to blame for any part of the fall out. SHE DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE FORGIVEN.
Keep yourself busy and block her on everything.
I’m sorry to hear this. I know it’s a cliche on Reddit, but I think therapy can help you here. I’m in therapy and it’s helped me immensely. Apart from that, there are a few things I want to tell you:
* It’s not your fault. Nobody is forced to cheat or needs to cheat. The breakdown of the relationship is entirely your ex’s fault. You deserve a partner who is faithful to you.
* There are other people out there, and most of them are trustworthy. Someday you’ll find a partner who won’t hurt you like this, and you’ll be even happier than you were with your ex.
* Though it hurts, you made the right call by breaking off the relationship and blocking your ex. A relationship needs trust to survive, and the trust is gone.
You asked, “has anyone been through something like this?”
Like just about everyone, to some degree, at some point.
The best path is well known:
1. Focus on yourself. Dominate the weights; run the miles. Dive into work. Hit the books.
2. No contact with her. Just as pain is weakness leaving the body, your grief is her leaving your head.
3. Don’t carry the toxin into your next relationship.
Oh yeah… my first son’s mother… we’d be together almost 3 years, I moved her out of her parents house and into our own place after our son was born, about two months in, I come home after work, I was working two jobs to make sure bills were paid, she wasn’t working, I had gotten off my second job, and went immediately to bed and landed on some dude’s wallet, she told me that she’d invited a friend over and he’d changed clothes after he’d gotten off work in our room, which I knew was bullshit, he had to pass two bathrooms to even get to my bedroom, so I left her, gave up the apartment, and visited my son everyday after work, but it still hurt. Found out from a friend of hers a few months later she’d been screwing him after I went to work for 2 years, and it took another year for her to finally admit it to me
The positive thing it’s almost been a month. so one of the hardest periods is already over does not mean it won’t be challenging from here on out. But you will get there, you will find someone new, you will feel better, you will slowly not think about her as much. you will be okay
You’ve been traumatized, good sir, and getting over it is a process. I highly suggest some counseling. I’ve been devastated like this myself. I’m so truly over it now I often forget it ever happened. And I no longer care anyway. Friends will help immensely too. You’ll get here. Good luck.
Next year at this time you will see a marked improvement. Work on yourself. Exercise and Therapy. Sometimes exercises is therapy.
Man wish I could say it is easy.
I was cheated on by my fiancee of 6 years, and our relationship ended in an istant just like yours. I thought I would spend the rest of my days with this girl.
It was hard, and I really had to work on it. All I can say is time will heal, but it takes longer that I thought. My friendly advise is to go talk to a psychotherapist if you just can afford it. It will speed up the process of healing.
I think you must openly work on the trust issues before the next relationship. I understood this too late, I wish I would have done it earlier.
The next relationship will come. Not everybody is a cheater. There are a lot of good people in this world.
I’m going through it now. My husband of 20 years is having an affair with a coworker. He’s in love. Says he loves us both. We are having an open marriage now. We have kids involved too. Idk if we are just fooling ourselves. Idk what I want to do. Continue to be together in an open marriage or move on. My heart goes out to you. It has destroyed my heart. So I know the pain you’re going through.
Went this route with my ex – an RN who got busted at work for diverting meds, lost her license- I stayed because of the whole good or bad marriage vows and more she had 2 daughters from a previous marriage – shitty dad any way years later found out she was cheating on me and ended it there. I missed the girls most. It was funny after a month she called asking for some cash cause she couldn’t make rent or didn’t know what to do. “ well you live within your means or work a extra job” was my response. Pissed her off… later that year I sent the girls Xmas cards with gift cards and got a reply telling me they are her children and the gift and contacting them was unwanted. Well that was that. No loss on my end just a solid reminder why I divorced her
A lot of people have unfortunately. Stay strong and do not let her weasel her way back into your life.
I appreciate you all, i had the opportunity to tell my step daughter goodbye, and she has my phone number in her ipad if she ever needs me, i made it very clear that i love her and will come to her if she needs me or anything bad happens, but i cannot continue seeing her as i think that if her mom is with a new person it will just be hard on her. I want her to have a normal life as possible, her biological dad passed away when she was 3. I have 2 children of my own who i see very frequently, and who will miss her. I appreciate all of your comments and input, im starting going back to the gym today, and digging up some old hobbies i used to love. It just feels good when tons of people are assuring you its going to be ok, i get in my head sometimes and appreciate and thank every single one of you that took the time to do just that. I cant thank you enough.
I haven’t been through this exact scenario but have been difficulties getting over a 10 year relationship. All I can say is to take it one day at a time brother.
She may be a girl, but she’s not a friend.
I am sorry for your loss and hurt. Looking at the silver lining. You’re not married, you’re still young and no kids together! You simply said “leave” and she left with no legal ramifications for you. Many men are not this lucky.
I don’t know you but I feel for you bud, you should possibly seek some therapy because not only did you get cheated on, but you lost a kid. No one should ever have to go through that and I truly wish you all of the best in life.
I walked in on my ex with someone. It was dark and the door was locked, but i knew someone was in there. I found out later it was a friend. I wasn’t great but i didn’t deserve that. It consumed me, too. But, i’m now so much happier.
“Has anyone been through this?” Yep
so one of the hardest periods is already over does not mean it won’t be challenging from here on out.
It’s all your emotions. Take some time, as much as you need. Keep talking with her child if it’s natural, I think those things can damage children!
Its probably a good time to end it with the girlfriend, so end it sooner than later. When you’re ready, unblock her and tell her that it’s over. And move on. Sometimes moving on before unblocking her can help you have confidence and support.
Whatever you do, don’t lose your cool. Don’t show her your emotional reaction. Instead just focus on the business and close her off.
Your relationship has probably been over for longer than you think. The cheating part is probably when she recovered from the end of your relationship and moved on.
100% whatever you do, do not let this relationship effect your future relationships. It will nonetheless, but being aware how, is a good way to understand yourself.
It takes time….mine was with a friend and he later married her. Destroyed our friend group. Here I am with a toddler, no friends, no family (his hometown). Took me 3 years to stop being bitter and angry and making progress building a new life I love. Been 10 years now and for many years Ive been grateful to not still be married to him. My life took a totally different trajectory that I wouldn’t have been able to being married to him. Losing my SD (10 at the time) was harder than the divorce tbh. I was in her life since she was one. She’s 20 now and we’ve reconnected a bit. She reached out when she was in high school.
You were dealt a 💩 hand. Play it the best you can. You have two choices-be miserable and bitter or find a way (it takes time) to move on and make the best out of it.
Choose the latter….living well is the best ‘revenge.’
Kudos to you for swiftly taking action. Don’t look back now. Good luck to you.