EDIT: please reconsider calling my flatmates sexist. I haven’t seen their interaction with men to reply to your comments. Also I have sympathy for them as they haven’t been in close contact with a man for so long it could be too much to see a male stranger in the house.
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I have been seeing someone for the last 4 months and wanted to bring him home for a chance. Especially to have fun in our house-shared bathtub. The thing is, my flatmates are the typical we-dont-need-men feminists who are very nice to me but not so fond of men. One is a virgin and the other hasn’t touched a man in 7 years. Other than that, we are allowed to bring friends home in our contract, and in 1 year frame, they bring their female friends home very often and I haven’t done that.
I haven’t talked to them yet, but expected they would be very uncomfortable. How should I tackle the situation? Should I ask them if my bf and I can use the bathtub or should I just let them know I will bring a man home and at some point we’ll use the bathtub together?
35 comments
Just say you want to bring your bf over from time to time and ask if they’ve be uncomfortable. I do not think you should have sex in the sure tub. It’s shared.
Maybe don’t use the tub together but there shouldn’t be any problem with you bringing your boyfriend over.
I’m sorry, they’re uncomfortable with you having a male guest? I think that that’s pretty offensive tbh, I totally understand trepidation over having a strange man in your home but you’ve been seeing this guy for 4 months and you’re scared to bring him home because your roommates are going to be sexist towards him, or rude towards you for being with a man. That’s discrimination both against him and against you for being heterosexual. Imagine if in this situation his gender was exchanged with race, and they were uncomfortable if you brought someone of a certain race home.
Almost sounds like female incels 🙃. You have to work with your roommates to be accommodating but this is a little ridiculous. Talk to them before hand but their issue isn’t yours.
Hating men is not a feminist trait. Your roomates are just jerks. don’t shape your life around jerk’s whims and bullshit
Tell them you’re bringing your boyfriend. They can’t tell you who to not invite
Your roommates sound quite sexist. Their opinions don’t really matter though at the end of the day, bringing romantic partners around is part of the deal when you live with roommates.
Probably shouldn’t do anything in a communal tub, but otherwise, you pay rent. It’s not really up to them to dictate who you bring home. You can be respectful and talk to them about it of course beforehand, but ultimately it’s not really up for debate.
I don’t think having sex in a common areas like bathrooms, kitchen and living room is something you should do if you have roommates. Even if you clean it after it just icky. If you want bathtub sex, rent a hotel room or an AirBnB for a weekend.
Bring your boyfriend over. Give them a heads hot and let them know he will be hanging in in your room. Make sure he wears clothes when he is in the common areas.
I just can’t imagine this post staying up if instead of men it said black people. This is disgusting and should be taking down. The only advice op should get is to move away from her bigoted and misandrist friends.
I wouldn’t use the tub for “play” but do you have enough money to get a hotel with one for a romantic weekend get away? My ex rented a cabin with a jacuzzi tub for valentines day once.
Don’t have sex in the tub if it’s shared 🤢🤮
Being a Female incel is not the Same as being a feminist!
It’s your house too. Just give them a heads up that you will be having a guest. But don’t do stuff in a “house-shared bathtub,” that’s gross and tacky.
Sorry…are they feminists or sexist?
Toxic sexist female incels are not feminists.
Uhhh…your roommates are weird lol
With all due respect to your flatmates, if they hate men so much that they can’t be comfortable sharing space with one, how do they function in public? at work? Literally anywhere in society? Do they have zero male acquaintances? 🤔
It’s upto them to be civil and friendly to him. If they have an issue and are rude to him purely because he’s a man, then congrats…. you share a flat with sexists! Do it and find out, let them meet him.
Average FDS users
You pay rent same as them, you signed the same permissive contract they do. Your needs and allowances are no different just because your partner of choice isn’t a woman.
Um please warn your bf beforehand, it would be very rude of you to not, and warn your flat mates also. If I was him, I’d just bring you over to his place instead. Nothing worse to a man than having to defend yourself for just being a man. I was took to a lesbian and gay party one day with my ex gf who was a bisexual woman. She didn’t warn me at all and as soon as I walked in, I seen maybe 2 gay guys and about 20 to 30 lesbians, believe me when I say this, those lesbians had the look of evil and disgust when I walked in and it got really quiet. I ended up just walking outside and staying there until 20 minutes later my gf said we should leave. Don’t do that to your bf. Also imagine if he took you to a place where all the men inside there dislikes woman and talks down to them, how would you feel?
Your friends are sexist… don’t put up with that crap
Lol even with your edit “clarifying” there’s no denying your flatmates are sexist
If they’re excluding 50% of the worlds population based on their gender then they’re just sexist, take your boyfriend over & don’t pander to sexism it’s your house too 🤷♂️
What would your reaction be if they said don’t bring over girls or don’t bring over people of colour
How’s this a sex question? Go to his place or get a hotel? If your friends can’t accept your bf and don’t like him because he’s a guy then you probably need new friends.
I’ve been the boyfriend in this situation before. The women were aggressive and it killed the fun.
The fist time I was there I was chopping some veggies with my GF she went to the bathroom and a house mate came over and aggressively demanded that I clean and sanitize everything I touched before I left.
I wouldn’t recommend putting someone in that situation without being confident they can de-escalate with ease.
I think in a shared house sex in public areas is a no no. Get a hotel for that.
This is so stupid. Do they never leave the house? ‘Too much’ for them to be near a man?
I’m not going to reconsider your friends as not sexist because it sounds like they very much are. You might be a little too if you’re covering for them this hard, it’s quite amazing how much people will normalize when it comes from “friends”.
Hating men just because they’re men does not make you a feminist. It makes you a sexist asshole. Fuck your flatmates for giving feminism a bad name.
Many other people are offering insightful advice, so I’m just perplexed by this part:
> the typical we-dont-need-men feminists
The fuck? I’m not sure whether that’s your characterisation, or their words, or both, but there is nothing ‘typical’ about that at all.
In the words of a close friend, who has been a highly activist and committed feminist for decades, marching on the front lines for social change, ‘I sucked dick before, during and after the revolution.’
Hating men isn’t feminism. It’s sexism. I wouldn’t want to associate with sexists. Being complacent to sexism is just as bad as being sexist yourself.
Please don’t call my sexist flatmates sexist please. They are not sexist, just hating men.
Telling them to go fuck themselves would seem appropriate.