My boyfriend keeps trying to tempt me with food while I’m actively trying to lose weight. A little background, 20 years ago I was super skinny and very active. I was in a pretty bad cycling accident. I suffered a massive knee injury which required immediate surgery. I never fully recovered from the surgery and could no longer do the physical activities that I once enjoyed. I gained weight, a lot of weight. Fast forward to 2018. I decided to give intermittent fasting a try and over the course of 14 months I lost 120 pounds. When I was about 20 pounds from my goal weight I stopped though because I liked the way I looked.
Around the time of my weight loss my previous relationship of 10 years ended. In 2021 I met my current boyfriend. He’s much younger than me and very physically fit and active. Since being together I’ve slowly gained back about 40 pounds. I’ve communicated to him many times about not wanting to gain all the weight back. A month ago I started fasting again and I’m losing weight. The problem is my bf constantly tries to offer me food. He’ll talk about food to me much more than he ever has. I’m not tempted but I am upset. I think it’s very disrespectful to continue to do this especially since I continuously tell him how it bothers me.
He’s literally perfect in every other way. How can I tell him to knock it off?
12 comments
He’s afraid once you lose weight you’ll get more confidence and think you’re too good for him.
It is posible that he’s trying to encourage you to eat because your relationship with food is unhealthy and your fasting is causing him concern. You both need to sit down and have a frank conversation about where you’re both coming from on this.
Fasting is a way to lose weight. See a doctor and learn a healthy way of doing it. Fasting will cause you to gain weight once you are eating again.
Be safe, if my wife did that I would start getting worried too.
“I eat when I’m hungry, and stop when I’m full”
He doesn’t wanna lose u. He wants u all to himself. But for health reasons u get to get back to the weight your comfortable with.
He could also have a feeder fetish.
“It is one thing for a spouse to buy a treat for their significant other, but when it reaches the level of regularly encouraging your partner to gorge for the sake of sexual gratification, it is unhealthy as well as emotionally and physically abusive.”
It sounds like he doesn’t fully believe in fasting as a diet and maybe he thinks it’s an unhealthy way of losing weight. Have you tried explaining how it works, how long you plan to do it and then telling him how he can best support you?
I made diets all my life and the only one sabotaging this diet was myself. Don’t look to other people you can blame.
Everybody has different taste and it’s possible he likes you bigger. You may want to have a conversation with him about this to understand his motivation and what the scope of it is. Maybe he likes a little soft on you and just doesn’t want you to lose TOO much… but if he is more sexually attracted to you at a large weight (perhaps he has seen photos of you before your incredible 120lbs loss) then that becomes a different issue. Things probably won’t work out if it is important to you to be at a healthy weight and he desires you at 100+ lbs over that
>How can I tell him to knock it off?
Have you tried just… this?
This sounds like something you should be talking to him about instead of the internet. Have you talked to him about it?
He’s a feeder who is non-consensually using you to indulge his fetish.
This is abuse, and almost always the reasons driving non-consensual feederism are really disgusting. They either want to make the woman dependent on them and destroying their self-esteem so they’ll never leave them, or they simply enjoy the act of destroying the woman’s body and self-esteem, leaving the woman once she is morbidly obese and incapacitated to start the process again with another slender woman to abuse.
>How can I tell him to knock it off?
You already did. He already knows you don’t consent to this behavior and it’s deeply upsetting to you.
You can’t make an abusive person not be abusive with a magical combination of words and actions. It’s not that abusers are just ignorant people with good intentions, where if you *finally* find the right cheat code combination to punch in they have a sudden realization and start being good partners.
They’re abusing you because they are abusive.