I have been with this girl for around two years, she is totally in love with me, she tells me how being with me made her a better, stronger and more confident person, but the thing is I am not in love with her anymore.
but I stay with her because I am scared of how much I could break her if I leave. But I feel I can’t do this forever and I want to be with someone who I am in love with as much as they love me.
So rn I don’t know how to break up with her in a way that’ll let her down easy
8 comments
The longer you wait the worse it’s gonna get
Do it soon, or you will only hurt her more. As someone who was in this situation but on the other side of it, he waited 3 years (total of 5) for things to change. Broke my whole heart and soul. Save this girl some time.
First of all, you are not obligated to stay with someone if you don’t want to BUT the grass is not greener on the other side. You say “not in love anymore” so you were once in love with her. What makes you think the same thing won’t happen again with a new person after a period of time? There is ways to reignite the spark. You do you man but if you really want to get out of the relationship you have to do it sooner rather than later. You will hurt her no matter what but it takes 2 to fight for a relationship so if you don’t want to then don’t. Leading her on is probably worse than getting it over with. Either way if you break up with her and later realize you miss her and that you do actually love her and have feelings for her, you can’t go crawling back.
Have a timeline. Obviously you need to end things, you aren’t interested and she shouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t love her. So, how/ when do you think you can end it? If you’re living together, that makes some stuff harder financially but you can figure out a cost to help rent/ moving out. If you don’t, well it’s actually easier for you both because you have space to process things.
Why are you scared you’ll break her? I understand you don’t want her to be sad and stuff, but you do realize she will heal right? Everyone gets breaking up with, loses a family member, gets rejected, etc and we figure how to move on one day at a time. News flash: break ups suck and will hurt. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world! What’s the easiest way to end things? Would a letter be better so you can fully explain why it’s ending and cease contact so you BOTH can move on? Is it easier to do it in person? What’s the clearest but most direct way to say this relationship has run it’s course and best of luck.
Oh man this is kinda what happened with my college gf. Eventually i just stopped caring and wasn’t enthusiastic anymore. Didn’t care about talking everyday and really just wanted to do something different. it was great while it lasted but you are just not my future.
Anyway, there’s nothing you can do. It’s going to hurt her. She’s going to notice you’re not into it soon anyway. She’s eventually going to call you out on it and that’s how it’s probably going to end.
Good luck
my high school/college boyfriend felt this way about me. i was mentally unstable for the entirety of our relationship. i wasn’t okay for about two months, then i went to therapy, started medication, and moved on with my life. it’s going to hurt her no matter what, but life goes on. i learned how to take care of myself and i’m genuinely grateful we broke up. i’m much happier now almost a year later. i’m assuming you’re on the younger side but even if you’re not, people are allowed to grow and change. it’s natural to outgrow people, fall in love, and out of it. it’s nice that you care about how she’s going to feel but that’s not your burden to carry. she will learn how to take care of herself and she’ll come out stronger because of it. live your life and let her go on to live hers. just tell her how you feel. it will be okay.
Oh no, man.. please.. don’t string her along anymore. I got strung along for months and when everything finally crashed down, it was all the worst for me.
If someone tells you that they need you, that tells you that they are codependent.
People like that must learn to exist and be happy on their own. She’s lucky you’re considerate and want to be nice. I commend you however, you need to break things off because you aren’t happy.
Sometimes it requires lots of pain for people to learn.
Some let it take them down but you have no control over that.
Just be honest.
Tell her you’re not attracted to her anymore. You’re glad she has gotten stronger but she needs to be strong on her own. Let’s say you do stay. What happens if you die all of a sudden?
Is she going to let that break her?